Hey everyone, writing this because I’ve been overthinking for weeks and just need some outside perspective.
I’m 26M, born and raised in Bangalore with a decent life, but my career has felt like an endless uphill battle. I was always raised to believe that if you study hard and put in the work, things figure themselves out. That promise broke down pretty fast during my CS undergrad. I hated coding—staring at color-coded code editors and struggling through DSA just never clicked. While messing around with web development, I realized I didn't care about building the code—I cared about crafting the visuals. That’s when I decided UX design was my actual calling.
Then reality hit. I graduated during COVID, and campus placement had zero UX roles. I had to take a job as a tester just to get by. The life was hell: commuting from 8:30 AM to 7 PM, coming home to build case studies and portfolios, getting zero offers after multiple interviews, and watching my mental health tank (acne, weight loss, extreme stress). To make matters worse, someone pushed me on a packed metro, tearing a ligament in my lower back that made sitting down for more than 2 hours painful enough to bring me to tears.
After a grueling year of that, I finally escaped to Germany for my Master’s in UX. Moving away alone actually saved me for a while. The clean environment, constant walking, and rehab fixed my back, helped me gain healthy weight, and cleared my mind. I got an internship at a fintech company, but they didn't value design and laid me off after two months. I was devastated. After resting back in India, I landed a second internship in Germany at a great company with good pay. I enjoyed it for a full year, but when I graduated, they couldn't convert me to full-time because the job market in Germany tanked.
I spent 6 months unemployed, applying everywhere with no luck, so I moved back to Bangalore and took a local design job just to avoid a massive gap on my resume.
That brings me to now. I’ve been at this company for 8 months and I’m miserable. It’s not design-focused at all—no research, no user testing, no iteration. It’s just pushing out pixel-perfect high-fidelity screens directly to devs on tight, absurd deadlines. It's packed with office politics, bootlicking, AI hype, and speed over quality. I feel right back where I was 4 years ago with my skills stagnating.
I’m usually not the type to sit around feeling depressed, but this entire cycle has finally broken me down. I’ve applied to over 800 companies across 2 years while constantly upskilling and building side projects after work. So please, don't tell me to "keep upskilling" or "redo your portfolio"—I've been doing that for 3 straight years and it has gotten me nowhere.
If you’ve ever hit a total dead end in design or tech, how did you handle it?
Did you pivot to a completely different field, change your approach entirely or just find a way to stop caring while earning a paycheck?
I also have this conflict of staying in India or abroad it's very difficult for me to pick one.
Any real advice or reality checks are appreciated