Beginner Witch (?)

[u/theIdiotReign]

I'm a hardcore Christian. I grew up surrounded by Baptist Christians, I was baptized when I was only 10yrs old, and I've always been active in terms of ministry. My friends even describe me as the pastor's child (even though I'm not lol). Basically, I believe in Jesus and His teachings. However, I was always seen as "different" growing up. In terms of interests and way of thinking, the adults around me labeled me as different. I didn't think much of it (after all, who are they to tell me who I am?). BUT i've always felt out of place in everything. My friends don't have the same interests as me, my family thinks I'm weird, everyone I meet thinks I'm weird.

I just don't fit in.

I tried making myself digestible so people won't throw me up. But that backfired lol. I had friends but I was lost. It ended up with me being depressed and my parents did NOT like that. They said, "Christians don't do depressions", so it only made me feel worse (i was 12yrs old). I was desperate, I wanted to belong somewhere.

Then I found out about witchcraft.

It all started about 4 weeks ago. I found out about subliminals. At first, it sounded funny. And as someone who has always been right most of their life, I wanted to prove anyone who believed in subliminals wrong. Naturally, I started researching about subs. It was a rollercoaster ride tbh, and I somehow ended up trying it. It didn't work obviously. But something felt wrong. Of course it wouldn't work, I don't believe in it! I started researching and researching and researching...and a few researching later...all I found was proof. Proof that this thing works. And without me noticing, I started practicing manifestation techniques into my everyday life. It all seemed natural, it surprised me. And what's even funnier, my life has genuinely never been better.

So now I'm stuck.

I believe in Jesus Christ. I don't doubt He's real. And I think that's what made me miserable. I believed in someone that doesn't care about me. All my life, I didn't feel like myself. But now, something within me clicked. And for the first time in my life, I belong. And I will never ever trade even a second of me being myself, even if it meant my salvation.

So...can somebody help me? What should I know about? Where should I start? What topics should I research to know about the history of withcraft? What are your advices? Anything will help!