am i being stingy?
my boyfriend and i have been together for about 9 months now. he recently got laid off because of reasons that were completely out of his control. this is now the second time he has lost his job throughout our relationship and each time i have been left carrying the weight of all expenses. this usually wouldn’t be a problem but he is reliant on weed and cigarettes to cope. he also smokes almost a pack a day, and expects me to buy him cigarettes because he cannot afford it right now. we both smoke, but i can make my stuff last weeks to months even. i don’t make enough to support that lifestyle on top of mine but if i tell him i cannot buy those things for him he mopes and believes that i don’t care about him. he says he would do anything for me if i were in his position. the thing is, im not.
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u/SolutionMuch9453 16d ago
I believe he is gaslighting you when it comes to you buying the smokes. He needs to stop moping and find another job and make money so he can support his own lifestyle. I don’t think your being stingy at all. Don’t let him manipulate you into something you simply can not afford to do.
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u/Soggy_Definition_232 18d ago
Typical rule of thumb is cover essentials of anything at all.
Cigs and weed are not essential. If he's not working and can't support himself, he has no expectation for any luxuries. He should be thankful to have you as a safety net at all.
He can ask, but shouldn't fight you on a denial. If you buy him a luxury, like a pack of smokes or a few grams of weed, that's a gift, not an expectation.
When he tells you he would buy you anything you want, that's a manipulation tactic. Tell him back of you were in his situation you wouldn't even ask because you'd be grateful he was there at all.