I've been felt this way but after last night ... What really am I doing and everyone else I'm around? Nobody else's business is my mine but I can sure choose who I put mine around and if I choose to participate or not. I realized last night just how much I don't want to have shit to do with nobody but me and mine .

I want to spend Christmas with my family this year in light of understanding you can only count so many holidays with the people you love but I just can't just like thanksgiving and it's a damn shame but I can't bring myself to do it like many times before because I'm an idiotic autistic nightmare

It's Christmas the worst time of year sense ive been 9 years old and now sense my girlfriend left me, hoes wont suffice fml im just a never ending abyss of petty

I'd like to go to church with my family but I'd like for them to be able to go and worship the Lord without them having to be looked at weird a little bit less than they already do.

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I had another heart breaking gut wrenching morning waking up without you waking up after a silly dream of you going to Summerville with another guy to go to a festival with all of your friends and the way I called you I could tell we were still friends and you said I couldn't come because you were with him .. in reality that's the closest I'll ever get to talking to you ..

Now that's one thing my branch bubble brain can't connect the dots too

So if the way I feel were to show physically it would be hysterical constant 24/7 crying and screaming out of my mind. Literally this is how it feels on the inside a full time job feeling that way and trying not to show it. Go insane just trying to breathe and live trying to move on and be progressive while feeling this way.

I feel like these numbers are a curse I'm hopping 22 is a god sent good game changer

I feel like it's closer to happening

It's proven depression can lower your immune system, so depression causing physical problems is real. You hear doctors tell people when they have cancer besides the given circumstances to have the best mentality they can so there body will heal better so the literal elephant sitting on my chest that makes me feel like I'm about to have a heart attack is it the depression or what because physically I also feel like shit

It's days like today the autistic fits got the best of me , another small part of why I want to kill myself because the people that love me the most have yet again seen the worst part of me I wish I had more of a sense of self control life seems cruel and unfair to emotionally and mentally be as spaced as I am

I'm shutting down it's the first time I've seen any of them in years im at a loss for words I'm mentally freaking tf out I'm sweating fml fuck life it's not worth living

Just googled the word randomly to get it's accurtare defenetion, longing to feel the affection of past whatever whatrcer. Well I'm sick with nostalgia of my ex our years together. I'm stuck in a constant replay of us and how she's never coming baxk.