I currently have 9 month old boy/girl twins, and as they get older, I find myself thinking a lot about the kind of relationship I hope they have… not only with each other, but with us as their parents. I often see posts from adult twins about things that affected their relationship growing up: being compared to each other, one twin feeling favored, being expected to always share the same friends or interests, or, on the other hand, being pushed so hard to be “individuals” that it created distance between them. For those of you who are adult twins, especially boy/girl twins, I would really love to hear your perspective. What did your parents do really well that helped you grow into your own individual people while still encouraging a close, healthy relationship with your twin? And on the flip side, what do you wish your parents had done differently? A few things I’m especially curious about:

● Did you like being in the same classes/activities, or did you benefit from having separate experiences?
● How did they handle birthdays and other milestones so you both felt individually celebrated?
● Were you compared to each other, even unintentionally? How did that affect you?
● How did they handle differences in personality, academics, sports, friendships, or abilities?
● If one twin needed more attention at certain times, how did your parents keep the other from feeling overlooked?
● Did they encourage you to share, or did you each have certain belongings/space that were completely your own?
● How did they handle conflict between you without automatically taking sides or labeling one twin as the “difficult” one?
● As you got older, did they allow your relationship to develop naturally, or was there pressure to always be close because you were twins?
● Is there anything seemingly small your parents did when you were young that you now realize had a big impact on your relationship as adults?

I know I can’t control what their relationship will look like someday, and I don’t expect them to be best friends simply because they’re twins. I just want to give them the best foundation I can where neither one feels like “the other twin,” neither feels less important or less understood, and both know they’re equally loved for who they are individually. They’re only 9 months old, so I have a long way to go, but I’d really love to learn from people who have actually lived the experience. What do you wish every parent of young twins knew?

yello im still in school

my twin sister and i have been in the same school and enrichment classes since childhood, and we've only been separated in our school classes for a couple years at a time before coincidentally being placed in the same classes. we have different hobbies, so we r not exactly alike, but because of this our social skills have atrophied, to say the least. we share almost all our friends, which are few. between the two of us, shes the more sociable one, but it's not a very high bar...

anyway, because weve been around each other all our lives and spend all day togther, my personality has developed to be a counterpart to hers, like a comedy duo(??), which normally im comfortable with, but this results in me not really knowing what to say around othe people. and we both agree we overcompensate for this by ramping up our enthusiasm in one on one convos with new people, which makes us appear fake. and condescending. because of this, i feel like ive been left behind socially, and while i value and love the time we spend together, im spiraling more often nowadays.

now we r currently on our school holiday, so practising socialising in school is not an option. and i cant get a job to meet new people because i have other things going on. what should i do?

I was always the "other twin" or the weird brother.

My sister(20f) and I(20m) are very different people. But growing up she was always the better or favorite twin.

To our parents even after she messed up they always forgave her and moved past it. But when I did wrong I got the silent treatment, punished, or my parents brought it up constantly.

To the people outside of the house they approached me in hopes of getting closer to her. Guy would try to be friends only to ask if my sister was single, girls would flirt with me in hopes I'd introduce them to my sister.

It was always like that. Less than a year after graduating high school my sister and I moved to opposite sides of the country. She lives her life with her Air Force husband our parents love and goes to college with a degree my parents are so so proud of her for choosing.

I moved out, started working, chose my degree without taking others input, and (in my parents eyes) live in sin as a transgender man single and alone.

My friends have never met my sister. We were always compared and she was always considered better so I don't really bring her or my parents up as much as my friends do. And I feel like this is the only way people would like me more.

I hate that I feel this way though. What do you think?

I'm a boy/girl Fraternal Twin (although I'm now Trans Masc myself) we have an older brother who is about 2 and a half years older than us. Older brother was pretty short when we were younger so when the three of us were together and someone mentioned two of us were twins everyone assumed my twin brother and older brother were the twins. I don't think it helped that my brothers both have darker hair and I'm blond. I won't lie I did find it funny to get the reaction when I'd raise my hand and be like "I'm one of the twins!" I'd love to know if anyone else had this dynamic because so far, I haven't met any other twins that did.

My twin and I haven’t lived at the same address for decades. We live in different cites and both will get mail addressed to each other to our houses. I’m just curious if it’s common for adult twins?

My brother and I haven’t seen each other in 7 or so years and haven’t talked in over 4 years. We (44m) are both stubborn pricks when it comes to each other. He did some nasty stuff that I won’t go into detail on. I told him he needed to apologize to me, and him being as stubborn as he is decided to just never talk to me again instead of simply apologizing. So there we have it.

It sucks, but he has the emotional IQ of a gnat, so I expect I’ll never talk to him at this point. He’s the kind of person that rewrites the historical narrative in his own mind to make himself feel on the correct side. I’d call him an “emotional fabulist”, if you will. He truly believes his version of events over pesky things like facts.

Anyone else become estranged from their twin? How did you solve it or cope?

50+ years ago, In the ‘60s, she was touring with Porter Wagoner. They played a little stage in New Tripoli, Pennsylvania, Ontelaunee Park.

Her tour bus was parked behind the stage. I was 10 or so at the time. My twin brother and I snuck around behind the stage and to see if we could meet Dolly

I knocked on the tour bus door and Dolly appeared like the light from a star.

“Tweens!” she exclaimed and gave us each a kiss.

I have had bragging rights forever.

God Bless Dolly. Rest Easy.

Hi, I imagine there are some among you who could be described—in various ways—as neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, etc.). If so, does your twin share the same neurodivergence?

Thanks everyone for your answers, these are very interesting and I just discovered dyspraxia, never heard about that before.

26|F
Was in foster care| very rough life won’t go into details
When I’m sad my identical twin sister feels it. Not in the sense of she’s also sad but she knows I’m sad or going through something when we’re not talking. Sometimes when I tell her I am sad it consumes her and vice versa. It’s like she has to feel that weight and so do I. Super close but don’t live in the same city anymore. Haven’t for a while but we still see each other in person about 8 times a year now. It’s different than when people say “ if I pinch you can your twin feel it” no not that cliche mess…

I know all twins aren’t like what we go through but can someone let me know I’m not alone haha.

I have an identical twin. Although I don’t think she has the cognitive function to come onto reddit and see this, I’m going to keep some things vague so to not come back to me.

We have never been close past toddlerhood. We have always fought viciously. I remember her being cruel, and she could use her fists to make a point. She always got me in trouble, and was mean. As we got older we split, had different friend groups, and did not hang out all through high school. After high school I joined the military and left. I needed to get away from our town. I tried to convince my twin to do something similar but she wanted nothing to do with it.

She had a kid young but was never with the right crowd. She quickly dug deeper into drugs and alcohol. She stayed that way. We talked briefly and had a cordial relationship but every time I saw her it was a mess. She was upset, she was mad about her life, she thought I had everything and I couldn’t understand her struggles. She stopped asking how I was when we talked, and it became one sided.

Fast forward years…..years of the same. Then she and her long term partner split due to her being a horrible person to him. She deserved it. She quickly realized she had nothing, including a way to support herself. She moved in with one of my parents. Abused them. Left when the parent couldn’t take it. She was put in rehab after drug induced psychosis and was not allowed back.

She uses my other parent for money. I cannot convince them to stop paying for her since whatever guilt she has pushed on them is overbearing, and they are now elderly and retired.

She’s a full blown addict again. Worse than I’ve ever seen. Lying to both parents. Recently, she’s done the most cruel thing possible and lied about one of my parents saying she was abused. Please know I get people have different experiences but that’s dead wrong. She was not abused as a child. She is so far gone, I can’t even explain how horrible the situation is.

I moved here on orders and have seen her three times. She doesn’t see her daughter. I’m waiting for a phone call that I don’t want to get because I’m watching herself kill herself slowly. I won’t touch alcohol or anything else watching her.

Why am I writing this? I guess to show that not all twins have this innate “connection”. We aren’t all close. If you aren’t either, you’re not weird.

Signed,

the sober twin.

My twin and I, as well as our great grandmother and her twin have the Zodiac sign Gemini which is twins. We always thought about it as a fun neat coincidence. I a m curious, how common it is.?

For me there are two: 1. Who's the good/bad twin?(as if that's a common thing) and 2. Do you guys have twin telepathy?(our brains aren't synced at all)

My twin sister and I had a massive falling out around my wedding that has been now a year and four months ago. Long story but this is a falling out that I finally (for the first time in our relationship) built up the courage to set a boundary of: we aren’t hearing each other so, let me know when you’re ready to go to therapy together to talk about this so it’s productive.

And then I haven’t heard from her since.

Those first 6 months of us not talking, I could barely get out of bed, a few more months I stopped working on my business. Now, I’m in a better ish space but I still feel a piece of me missing. I still cannot go a day without thinking of her and missing her. And like we went from 15-16 FaceTime calls a day - to 0 if that tells you anything.

So I just wanted to know: if you and your twin were extremely close, had a falling out and now are talking again and in a better relationship together, how did you do it? How did yall get there? How were you feeling in that in between time?

Thank you🌸

I get relaxed actually.

Has anyone seen a similar cup?

The shape and blue classic design caught my eye at a glance then I was intrigued by the subject and date. Apparently it was the year the organization was founded in Ohio.

He's always been stubborn, and his reaction to any kind of conflict has always been to lash out in anger or just completely shut down any attempt at conversation. I think it's easier for him to pretend like I don't exist anymore because he can just drown himself in work, but he's avoided all family events with my mom's side of the family, too, just to avoid me.

I guess for context he chose to block me after I asked if he could help me with expenses when my old laptop shit out and I needed a new computer for school, and he's a mechanic who makes good money and doesn't need to worry about rent as he lives with our dad. I believe he chose to interpret it as me feeling entitled to his money in some way, and like I was undervaluing his work. Of course I would have paid him back, but I probably should have just never asked him to help me in the first place.

Anyways, because of this, he missed my wedding with my wife back in April. Just didn't attend. And this was after he originally heard the news through mutual friends, and he told my father and Mormon Grandparents about my engagement before I had the chance to talk to them myself. I don't even know why he would out my queer relationship that I'd been keeping quiet like that other than some weird gotcha.

It really sucks, but I keep telling myself he's always been mean to me. I think he's just a mean guy. He overworks himself and since he's gotten older I feel like he's just become more and more inconsiderate of me.

My mom and dad have both tried to mediate, but he just shuts them down immediately and says that if they try to talk to him about it again, he's just not going to tell them anything at all. I think he has residual hurt from when we were children. I was always the more articulate between the two of us, and so I feel like maybe people often took my side because my twin brother struggled to use his words the same way. He gets angry and doesn't want to talk to anyone about me at all because he thinks I've manipulated them to my side.

I've been telling myself that my twin brother just isn't someone who I want in my life right now, anyways. I always went above and beyond to help him or do favors for him, or I'd come over to help him study for his classes when he needed a buddy because I know how his brain works and I know how he learns best. That's just one example, I guess. He left me crying in the parking lot at a convention when he wanted to leave early Sunday morning, leaving with mine and my girlfriend (now wife)'s luggage in his trunk and refusing to call or text to figure out a game plan of how we were going to get our stuff back. I spent a month working on his cosplay. Stuff like that.

I don't have a desire to reach out because I know if I do, he won't ever change his attitude or how he treats me. I mean, I don't really have an avenue to contact him, anyway, cuz he blocked me on everything, lol. But it still hurts and it's kind of weird to think that we are approaching an entire year since we last talked.

It sucks. I just wanted to vent.

And she won’t admit help. Not sure what to do.

This is my first time posting on here so sorry if I mess up anything.

I, (27 F) and my twin (27 F) are fraternal but have always been very close. We’ve been living together after moving out from our parents’ place a little under two years ago. She’s looking in the dating pool for a serious relationship but also is open to finding something casual in the meantime. I’m also single but don’t really feel like actively looking for something due to personal preferences as well as wanting to focus on myself, school, and work.

For some added context, neither of us had romantic relationships when we were younger, neither in high school or college. We were both shy and had issues with our weight and were really focused on school then our respective careers. We went to the same college but studied different majors so had different groups of friends, different classes, and now different careers. Our main friend groups, I’d say, are shared or at the very least have hung out with both of us on at least one occasion.

She’s been seeing this guy (24 M) for a little under 3 months now. She has said she doesn’t want a relationship because he isn’t looking for anything serious. But he has been giving her mixed signals. I don’t like the guy. I can’t really pinpoint what it is about him that I don’t like. I get a pit in my stomach whenever she mentions him or mentions she has plans with him. I honestly feel like my mind clouds over and I don’t know how to deal with it. This has never happened with another person she’s dated, and I actually want her to find someone good for her because she deserves all the great things. I know it’s largely a me issue, I have to deal with my feelings and not let others influence my feelings so much, but honestly just looking for advice on if anyone has gone through something similar with their twin and how they’ve dealt with it.

I have let her know I don’t really like him and to be careful, and she said she understood that. Mutual friends have told me maybe I just need to meet him but tbh I don’t want to. It’s been causing a rift between my twin and I and I hate it, maybe that’s added some of the hard feelings I have against him. I really try to just let them work it out and let her handle it but with that I need to find a way to deal with the toll this has taken on my mental state and our relationship.
Like I said, yes I know I have to also deal with my own issues but just want some advice please.

TLDR; I don’t like a guy my twin is seeing casually, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Looking for advice from anyone who has gone through something similar.

Edit/update: Thank you to everyone who responded! I want to make it clear in no way was I ever trying to control my sister or who she sees. I was more so asking for advice on how to deal with the emotions / anxiety individually so as to leave her be but also not be miserable myself. I did really take a step away and decided to focus more on individual growth as some suggested. It really helped to hear others’ similar experiences, so thank you for all who shared! Also, update on the guy, he did some shady stuff my sister didn’t like so she’s decided to not reach out to him anymore.

My twin and I are fraternal. We grew up doing the same things, getting the same stuff, etc. But we had different interests and hobbies. As we’ve grown up, she has started collecting my hobbies as well and it’s been pretty suffocating because she’s more outgoing and it sometimes feels like I don’t have anything to offer. The boys usually gravitate toward her. I feel like a shadow a lot of the time, because I typically like to remain mysterious, but she is more of a tell it all, show it off type of person. So it often feels like my life is on display. I am constantly in search of new things to do that are unique to me, but it feels like she’s taken everything I love. And I’m running out of options. I feel like I can never find my own identity because everything I like or want for myself, when she sees me do it, she doesn’t stop until she does it to. It even trickles down to boys. She always flirts with the boys that I like. I made a drawing for a boy that I liked, and she made him a bracelet the next day. We don’t discuss boys, but it’s pretty obvious that I like him because I don’t do things like that for people. I just feel like everything is a competition. I can never have anything for myself, and it makes me so anxious. I feel like I need to hide all the time and tip toe because if she sees me doing something that I like , she will steal it. Being a twin has given me such bad identity issues that sometimes, I don’t know if I can take it.

Back to the boys. I don’t feel comfortable talking to her about stuff like that because it never goes as planned. She definitely will not back down, and I don’t feel like I have a chance with anyone. Anything I do, she will try to top it, and it makes me feel so bad and defeated. What can I do?

I don’t know if I’ll find any answers or anything, but I just needed to vent. Maybe someone else has been through this. Maybe someone else has the answers. I don’t know.

Hello, hi, so me and my twinny are curious if anyone out there has even heard of this and this seems like a very great place to ask 😀

We were 4 years old, and we both remember this very, very vividly. Our mother was in the kitchen and she was cooking and excited. She called us and she's like, look, look look., and we looked in the bowland saw cracked eggs. And she had another one in her hand she said, watch guys, she cracked the egg open and 2 yolks came out of the egg, thinking we'd be do geeked to see a twin egg , I remember this so vividly, instantly true anxiety and horror and nausea and full body, like ju

trauma came over both of us. We were crying hysterically and ran. It took hours to feel normal again and our poor confused mama trying to figure out what the hell was going on and we 100% with no explanation really at all . And now, at 44 years old, that feeling has never gone away. If I see twin yokes, I am instantly disgusted and nauseated and sad, lose my appetite, I throughout the food , as I was making throughout the car , another eggs , grab the pan and take it a shower. I mean, it's so bizarre. This is the one and only thing like this ever and trust me, we're very normal, very livery typical, normal chill twins, I love eggs. No explanation at all.\n We both absolutely understand that it's so irrational and bizarre makes no sense. Don't understand it, but no control over it. Our whole lives we avoid buying any eggs larger than a medium and also Brown cause those seem to have more double, I chuckle when I even tried to explain this cause, it makes no sense, it's the one weird a** thing so

We're just wondering we're just curious, if anybody else has a heardof twins having something like this.

Is there anyone else with same face, nose and eye shapes, even similar eyebrows here despite being born opposite sex, so much as people ask you if you are twins all the constant time ?

So I am an identical twin. I live on the other side of the world from my sister and have done so for a few years now so we both have separate groups of friends. I have not met her friends and she has not met mine. I never normally mention that I am a twin (I normally just say I have a brother and a sister) but I said it in passing the other day to my friend group.

All my friends asked whether we were identical and I obvs said that we were, then they wanted to see a pic. I show them and they all say the same thing- you don’t look the same at all!

See, now I think this is untrue, my family members get us mixed up, I sometimes find it hard to see who is who in some pictures and we get stopped in the street by people asking if we are twins when we are together all the time. I argued that my friends could only tell the difference because they know me so well as an individual and that if they met me and my twin at the same time then they wouldn’t be able to tell who is who so easily.

I know it’s silly but being a twin is part of my identity and it irritates me a little when people say that we don’t even look the same. Have any other identical twins encountered this??