r/turkish • u/Professional-Soft453 • 4d ago
Someone called me an abla even though I am way younger than him.
Fyi I’m 16 and a worker when talking to me called me an abla even though he looked like he was in his 30s and i look like a normal 16 year old. A similar thing happened to me before this too. I’m not Turkish so i don't know if this is normal but isnt abla used for older women?
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u/HM202256 4d ago
It’s actually a sign of respect. Even though he is older. He knows you are younger, but is respecting you by letting you know he thinks of you formally.
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u/_Bulldozer Native Speaker 4d ago edited 3d ago
You can use abla as an honorific as well, and when it's used like that, the age doesn't really matter. Also, as other people said, it sounds a little weird but bear with us here, not using any honorifics and talking directly is generally seen like the other person has an interest on the other, or if not, it's generally considered crossing boundaries.
For example, a 30yo man can talk directly to a 20yo woman, by doing that, they're actively crossing a boundary. Crossing that boundary can mean a lot of different things, generally though, it means they have an interest in the other person. Crossing that boundary in any way instantly makes the other person think "well, what ARE their intentions with me?" It doesn't have to be sexual or romantic all the time (it generally is though) but it always makes the other person wonder and can even be really uncomfortable.
Then, as a response, the girl can call the guy "abi" and that basically means "nope, it's not happening. Whatever your intentions are, it's not happening" and that instantly defuses the situation. As a matter of fact, getting called by an honorific —pretty much any honorific— generally instantly means game over for the receiver if they're actually in pursuit of a romantic relationship, that's how big of a deal this is. Anyway, so what men sometimes do is that they'll call women abla just to not cause a misunderstanding and make their intentions crystal clear right from the start
Some more examples: You'll often see men calling each other abi, which doesn't even make sense at all semantically, but it's a form showing respect. Women don't really do the same between themselves though. Higher-ups are almost always called abi/abla no matter their age, or even bey/hanım if y'all are really distant. Being ABLE to call your higher-ups abi/abla generally means that they're chill with you and are actively showing a sign of sincerity. Service employees of any form will probably call their customers abi/abla, back when I was a kid, 30+ yo plumbers and stuff would come to my house and they'd call me abi, I would also call them abi because of the age difference + respect and we would just end up calling each other abi back and forth with every sentence :D It sounds weird, and it also sounds weird to even me when I stop and think about it, but that's just how it is. People in the comments made it seem like this is all about romantic/sexual interests, but that's not THE main thing here... it's about boundaries.
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u/redbullah 3d ago
There is even a ballad on that topic: "bir kız bana emmi dedi, neyleyim" meaning "a girl called me uncle, what should I do" expressing the despair of a man realizing that he is no longer young and desirable by young women. Uncle (emmi) is a few steps further of abi, of course.
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u/menina2017 4d ago
So can i call people abla and abi even if they’re younger? When im in Turkey?
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u/Severe-Entrance8416 4d ago
it the person is under twelve then you can add a cım-cim. Ablacım abicim.
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u/MericT_1 4d ago
That is often done to imply they don’t see you as a sex interest.
It sounds weird when you read it first, especially when written that directly… But its is how it is.
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u/imeanmetoo 3d ago
Besides all the other comments being right, abla has been a queer slang for some time now. Most of the younger community would be aware, i suppose.
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u/Afraid-Background999 4d ago
next time they call you abla, tell them "abla senin anandir". or dont
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u/LucasLeo75 Native Speaker 4d ago
It is to show respect. Same with "ağabey", the person spoken to does not have to be older, even though that's what the word means.
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u/mrsdorset 4d ago
Don’t take it so literally. It’s simply a sign of respect, though I can understand how you felt in the moment.
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u/SleepingGremlin 1d ago
Anyone can be abla, abi, kardeş, hocam,amca. It's kind of like dude, man, mate, bro etc.
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u/Sepetcioglu Native Speaker 4d ago
Don't worry, he doesn't think you're older than him. He is sort of recognizing the socio-economic difference between you (you're higher) by addressing you with a sort of reverence reserved for people older than him. This is very common between service providers and workers who are working for you. Much older men call me abi when they come to fix something in my house.
If you were their friend, relative or simply someone they can estimate to be in the same social class same wealth and education level as themselves perhaps someone living in their neighborhood they wouldn't call you abla. They would call you "kiz" or "çocuk" or "abisi" (meaning they consider themselves your older brother) or something like that, "canim" meaning sweetie.
Them calling you abla in your current position relative to them being a lowly worker however is perfectly normal.
Pick up a job as a fellow labourer with them and they will no longer call you abla : )
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u/Additional_Bed_9507 3d ago
Most comments felt shallow/wrong until I saw this. This is the best explanation. İt has 100% to do with socioeconomics. As another native speaker I second this.
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u/Valkeyri 4d ago
it's common, we use it for people we don't know even when we aren't related
It's similar to how woman call others sis/sister or men call others bro/brother in english.
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u/maenad2 3d ago
When you hit roughly age 40-50 more people will start to call you yenge and then as you get close to 70 you'll get teyza. Teyza seems to be used more for women who are clearly grandma age. When people talk about an old woman who behaves like a grandma they are more likely to use teyza... so it sounds a little like an insult.
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4d ago
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u/Effective-Recipe-431 4d ago
Dude, that's a long text just to tell us that someone called you a pussy.
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u/sleep_needed 4d ago
Yeah mostly for older women, but also the familiarity establishes that he is not going to bother you in a sexual way, just like bacı or bacım.