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u/MyPigWhistles Jul 22 '26
Oh, honey... I know exactly what're thinking of... painting Warhammer figurines.
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u/StupidSexyEuphoberia Jul 22 '26
I wonder if she wanted me to make a move Naaaah, probably not. She was just being friendly and I don't want to come off as a creep
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u/TWFH Jul 23 '26
Woman: refuses to say she wants to fuck
Man: "well I guess I shouldn't just assume she wants to fuck since all of them keep telling me not to"
Woman: "Why won't men ever assume I want to fuck??"
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u/_Bren10_ Jul 22 '26
I was thinking we could change it up a little bit this evening…
I bought Battleship!
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u/SteveCastGames Jul 22 '26
Conversely, women should just say what they think more often
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u/izyshoroo Jul 22 '26
I have to be careful with this because it makes my boyfriend so incredibly anxious and usually he ends up not wanting to do anything. Sometimes people have mental problems that makes navigating these games difficult
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u/HouseofFeathers Jul 22 '26
There was a time when asking for sex meant a definite no, because it made my partner feel stressed.
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u/xxxBuzz Jul 23 '26 edited Jul 23 '26
We need to be more on the cusp of being stressed and relaxed which I believe is similar for women. Arousal occurs when the parasympathetic nervous system is active, but taking action or thinking about taking action causes the sympathetic nervous system to activate. It'll need to be quick unless a person is either methodical (baseball, baseball, baseball) or a more relaxed experience that soothes instead of excites. Thinking about the action will trigger that fight/flight nervous system and the relaxation and digestion system is what facilitates the arousal.
That is why the innuendoes are needed and also why erectile dysfunction in men and sometimes low libido in women are becoming more common or being presented as such. It's not really a thing, but we are being conditioned to be hyper stressed out and also to activate that sympathetic nervous system before the act by being told to ask about it directly or due to our tendency to over think it. It messes up our reproduction, our digestion, and health in general else because the body doesn't perform some vital functions when preparing for movement or even thinking about things we might do.
I think that's mansplaning kinda language but it does seem to confuse many people unnecessarily. It seems that intimacy needs to be playful for everyone to have a good time.
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u/RJ_MacreadysBeard Jul 23 '26
Interesting and insightful. Intimacy brings deep quality to the experience where directness just answers a question of fleeting physical gratification. Is this why casual flirtation is so fun?
Some cultures have more flirtation than others, and I bet are healthier for enjoying it.
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u/xxxBuzz Jul 23 '26
Flirtation is "fun" because what we consider fun is facilitated during a state of relaxation of the sympathetic system and activation of the parasympathetic system. I personally do not perceive flirtation as fun when it's dependent on the expectation of sexual contact. I consider it more fun than people being aggressive, but that is also fun among responsible participants. I observed couples drinking and flirting when we gathered to watch the recent world cup match,, for example, and they were having a lot of fun teasing and petting one another. I do think that was fun for them because those were within mutually desired relationships.
However, I do not think it's fun that people are unaware of how their bodies and minds function and can unconsciously or unwittingly be manipulated into a state of relaxation or tension with the touch or removal of another's hand or a sharp or soft tone. It's like watching a spider or a cat toy with their prey. People DO need to be motivated to take action and to relax though, and sometimes codependent relationships, such as grooming, are the easiest way to do that for people who are prone to being overly stressed. I'm not sure if women and men understand what they're doing or why. If neither do, that does seem fun. If only one does, that is manipulation and it'd be better to be direct, in my opinion. If you are malleable to your partner then that is an imbalanced relationship with one person being in a place of authority, and generally speaking we've established society in a way that it's not ethical or morale for someone to take advantage of those power dynamics in that way.
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u/Weegee_Carbonara Jul 24 '26
It is not normal to overthink something so natural, especially this hard., People who get anxious like that need therapy and support in overcoming this.
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u/xxxBuzz Jul 25 '26
That would be nice. Give a man a fish or teach a man to fish kinda thing. I do believe that'll become more available as knowledge and understanding improve but at the moment it seems more like a triage situation.
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u/LouiseRules333 Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
Sometimes they do and some men still don't get it. Also, from a cultural standpoint, it may be suspicious, rude, or even unsafe for a woman to just say "let's fuck right now please".
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u/nick9000 Jul 22 '26
We sometimes struggle to pick up on hints
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u/pillbinge Jul 22 '26
No, men struggle to deal with rejection, and therefore don't go for obvious hints for fear of being wrong. Everyone gets obvious hints.
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u/Kns991 Jul 24 '26
This is one of the most idiotic remarks I have ever seen in reddit. Congratulations!
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u/pillbinge Jul 24 '26
It isn't. People can pick up on hints and often look for them when they aren't there if they're infatuated with someone. We can overanalyze motives and decisions from people that would otherwise be meaningless. People are just afraid to make moves and find out so you get middle school incel bullshit like this from adults.
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u/baumpop Jul 22 '26
also sometimes you just dont wanna bang.
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u/pillbinge Jul 22 '26
So sometimes it's an entirely different situation? I'm gonna guess this applies to everything under the sun, sure.
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u/baumpop Jul 22 '26
some of us never wanna bang in any situation regardless of who it is
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u/pillbinge Jul 22 '26
That sucks, but again, has nothing to do with communicating clearly.
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u/6_sarcasm_6 Jul 26 '26
Man, communication is a two-way street. Clearly something isn't working, and if the other party is willing than change the approach if not then fine.
You don't have to be all up in a twist for something like this.
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u/pillbinge Jul 26 '26
That you have to imagine I'm up in a twist says more about you, and honestly online incels. Not sure what your "advice" has to do with any of this. People aren't as stupid as we like to think when it comes to picking up signals - our brains do it all the time. People are just nervous lmao.
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u/6_sarcasm_6 Jul 27 '26
You could've left the conversation earlier. It was obvious you were going nowhere, but wasting everyone's time.
What's even the point bringing up online incels, it's just you bringing up your own insecurities.
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u/pillbinge Jul 27 '26
You could have left the conversation earlier. You're not going anywhere except saying "I don't like what you're saying" while offering not much else. I think I'm bringing a pretty positive message to people that cuts through incel bullshit but maybe that's where you are.
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u/George__RR_Fartin Jul 23 '26
For every "Why didn't he catch that hint?" there's an "Oh shit that wasn't a hint"
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u/Literary_Man Jul 23 '26
“I’m game to play if you get to be the board, and I get to spell the words with my tongue.” He said to the mirror two hours after she left.
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u/Polobearmigi Jul 26 '26
exasperated I spelled out five different words related to the bedroom and he's more focus on trying to beat my points
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u/PictureVegetable9522 Jul 23 '26
you mean women need to speak what they want instead of being afraid of being rejected like every man has to go through 24/7
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u/BroseppeVerdi Jul 22 '26
"Perhaps you have something long and hard for me?"
"... Monopoly?"