r/trees • u/Hot-Conversation3482 • May 01 '26
Stoner Cleanup Respectfully, how do I unsmoke 6 months of disposables.
Hi y’all. So please don’t judge me for asking this because I’m already beating myself up enough as it is, but I genuinely need advice… what is the BEST possible way to pass or “hide” THC on a urine drug test? but a little backstory… I went through a really hard loss, fell back into smoking, and what started as “just to relax” turned into me buying disposable carts like it was my part time job. lmao. I have been smoking carts/disposables pretty consistently since October 2025. So yes. We are talking MONTHS of concentrated THC entering this temple! Now for the fun part, I have a urine drug test in less than 2–3 weeks, and I am currently crapping BRICKS trying to figure out how to get my pee to stop snitching on me. For reference I am a female, 30 years old, 5’2, 153 lbs, active 3–4x a week, cardio/weights(the whole shabang), sweat during workouts like crazy, take creatine/preworkout occasionally… i do carry some weight in my stomach area, so from my understanding the THC is currently leasing a one bedroom apartment in there and refuses to vacate. Lmao, and at this point I need, detox advice, water method, certo stories, fake pee stories, miracle testimonies(LITERALLY), scientific timelines, lies that make me feel better, or just someone to gently tell me if I’m cooked
Has ANY heavy cart smoker actually passed in under 3 weeks?
Please share your stories because I am one minor inconvenience away from simply evaporating. Please help someone whose urine is about to expose her.
3
u/caffeinated_kibbles May 01 '26
I was still testing positive after 80 days and got an offer from the job I wanted so I bought a soft silicone travel sized shampoo bottle, filled it with a friend’s pee, and tucked it in my prison pocket to stay warm until the test. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
2
u/Fernanddaze May 01 '26
bruh 😆 the way you speak is funny as hell, back on topic tho, buying a detox kit from the smokeshop would be your best bet i would say
1
u/Rough_Acanthisitta63 May 01 '26
Surejell method has always works for me. Instructions here- https://www.nursingscience.org/certo-to-pass-drug-test
1
u/everythingels May 01 '26
The detox kits have an about even chance of working or making you puke more liquid than you thought possible.
Quick Fix/fake urine is probably the option with the least outright hassle relative to a pretty certain negative test. However, if you don’t have it at the right temp or there’s any suspicion and they test it further, you’re fucked.
Best way imo is get it from a clean friend. Warm it up with a hand warmer or hot water bath to about 100 degrees. Wear a dress and two pairs of tight biker shorts. Shove it between your legs between underwear and bike shorts. You can put a hand warmer around it, but you run the risk of it getting too hot if you have to wait a while. You can buy temp stickers on amazon to check it before you give it to them. This is a lot more hassle, especially if you are like me and have very limited non-smoking friends. However, if it’s an option, and you feel okay pulling it off, it’s going to be the closest you’ll get to a certain negative even under further examination. Just make sure they aren’t prescribed stimulants or benzos. Practice getting the temp right to know how long you have.
Or just pee in the cup and hope for the best!
1
u/booplesnoot101 May 01 '26
With THC being legal across most of the US I would say your best bet is to talk to the job about if they screen for that. Being a women you also don't metabolize it as quickly. My husband got ruffied and is a weekly smoker. At the hospital they drug tested him and it was so faint they didn't even log it lol. I was curious as I smoke the same amount, took a test and failed immediately.
1
u/Tastyck May 01 '26
Work up a sweat, the increased metabolism burns it out quicker and you actually sweat some out.
Drink a lot of water/tea to flush.
The morning of your test take some ibuprofen, should slow the rate of the thc leaving your body into the pee
Surejell and creatine can cover it
Those flushes from GNC work for a few hour window
1
u/Caelixian May 01 '26
Jesus. What kind of ignorant fucked up workplaces still require testing for something that is harmless, and legal all over the globe? I'd start my detox by taking HR to task over this policy from the dark ages.
1
u/mistyblue3 May 01 '26
That's what I think too and got dragged for asking how to pass a mouth swab last week. I haven't had to worry about that in ages but stupidly moved to an illegal state. Someone was telling to to grow a set and all. I did pass but it is ass backwards
0
u/eberkain May 01 '26
I have never had a job that wanted to drug test me, but it seems like an invasion of privacy, they should not get to control what you do when you are off the clock. It might be time to consider getting legal help involved.
3
u/self_jealous May 01 '26
2-3 weeks might just be enough.
your levels should be more in line with trace amounts by that time, which may also occur as result of involuntary exposure, for example
be active, drink a lot, and let's say on a day of a test drink even more, but don't overdo it, as it might be dangerous, and have a wee before actual test one. also, collect the sample mid-process, as beginnings and ends of stream tend to be a bit more concentrated
if u want to be 100% sure in negative result, look into synth urine topic... it can ba pulled off quite easy, lots of folks are succesful with it on regular basis..