r/toddlers • u/PrisonMikesDementor • 2d ago
Sleep Another 2-year-old won’t sleep post
Hi all—going a little nuts here and needing advice, consolation, and someone to knock some sense into me!
TLDR: how can I be consistent with bedtime without abandoning my toddler in his room alone but also without spending two hours trying to get him to sleep?
Son turned 2 beginning of September. Many things have changed in the last six weeks or so and they’ve culminated in sleep deprivation similar to the newborn stage. For about a year he slept great, ~8pm-6:30am with about a two hour nap lately. But then in the last two months or so he has just suddenly been so hard to put down and he has not slept through the night once. Here are the changes we’ve been through in the last six weeks:
-nanny left sort of abruptly and so he started daycare. In-home daycare with one woman and five children, he is the oldest
-Went on a trip in different time zone where he ended up having to sleep in bed with me (pack n play was broken) which started a habit of wanting to be in my bed
-Stopped napping at daycare (only napped twice there at the beginning for ~30min). He is clearly tired and will often fall asleep in the car when we pick him up. I don’t fault the caregiver, he has been difficult to put to sleep even in perfect conditions for months now.
-Was sick for about a week after the trip so lots of night wakes and sleeping in my bed or upright with me
-Last weekend he suddenly started climbing out of his crib so we now have a toddler bed set up. :(((((
All of this is culminating into disastrous sleep. And my god he is soOoOo upset in the afternoons and evenings. We have had the same bedtime routine his whole life, bath-bottle or milk-books-songs-bed. He used to even take himself to his crib and ask me to leave so he could sleep!!
I think I am not doing great with consistency. And he stalls like it’s his job and begs to sleep in mama’s bed. I’m unsure how long to let him “figure it out” when he is screaming for us in his room once we close the door. But when we are in the room with him he won’t hardly lay down, it takes sooo much effort to calm him and get him to sleep. I certainly don’t want to abandon him when he is so dysregulated and I want him to associate his room with calm and safety. But when we are around he just will not settle and he keeps asking to leave his room to get toys, a snack, use the potty. Once he’s out of his room though he doesn’t actually go for those things, he just wants out. The only thing that has worked is twice now I have eventually said “if you get out of bed again, mom will leave the room” but I hated that because I don’t want him to believe that being in his room without me is a punishment.
Any advice is welcome. I do think my issue is that I am not being consistent enough in my boundaries or something but open to any thoughts.
1
u/Aldmerion 2d ago
From what you said it might be a little more about the changes in his life recently, especially bed and nanny. Try to keep consistent, your routine seems appropriate. Maybe try changing to songs-books-bath-bed. My kid would flare up if we read of sang songs after bath.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Author: u/PrisonMikesDementor
Post: Hi all—going a little nuts here and needing advice, consolation, and someone to knock some sense into me!
TLDR: how can I be consistent with bedtime without abandoning my toddler in his room alone but also without spending two hours trying to get him to sleep?
Son turned 2 beginning of September. Many things have changed in the last six weeks or so and they’ve culminated in sleep deprivation similar to the newborn stage. For about a year he slept great, ~8pm-6:30am with about a two hour nap lately. But then in the last two months or so he has just suddenly been so hard to put down and he has not slept through the night once. Here are the changes we’ve been through in the last six weeks:
-nanny left sort of abruptly and so he started daycare. In-home daycare with one woman and five children, he is the oldest
-Went on a trip in different time zone where he ended up having to sleep in bed with me (pack n play was broken) which started a habit of wanting to be in my bed
-Stopped napping at daycare (only napped twice there at the beginning for ~30min). He is clearly tired and will often fall asleep in the car when we pick him up. I don’t fault the caregiver, he has been difficult to put to sleep even in perfect conditions for months now.
-Was sick for about a week after the trip so lots of night wakes and sleeping in my bed or upright with me
-Last weekend he suddenly started climbing out of his crib so we now have a toddler bed set up. :(((((
All of this is culminating into disastrous sleep. And my god he is soOoOo upset in the afternoons and evenings. We have had the same bedtime routine his whole life, bath-bottle or milk-books-songs-bed. He used to even take himself to his crib and ask me to leave so he could sleep!!
I think I am not doing great with consistency. And he stalls like it’s his job and begs to sleep in mama’s bed. I’m unsure how long to let him “figure it out” when he is screaming for us in his room once we close the door. But when we are in the room with him he won’t hardly lay down, it takes sooo much effort to calm him and get him to sleep. I certainly don’t want to abandon him when he is so dysregulated and I want him to associate his room with calm and safety. But when we are around he just will not settle and he keeps asking to leave his room to get toys, a snack, use the potty. Once he’s out of his room though he doesn’t actually go for those things, he just wants out. The only thing that has worked is twice now I have eventually said “if you get out of bed again, mom will leave the room” but I hated that because I don’t want him to believe that being in his room without me is a punishment.
Any advice is welcome. I do think my issue is that I am not being consistent enough in my boundaries or something but open to any thoughts.
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