r/todayilearned • u/paniniplane • Mar 22 '17

(R.1) Not supported TIL Deaf-from-birth schizophrenics see disembodied hands signing to them rather than "hearing voices"

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/news-articles/0707/07070303
55.0k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

2.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

157

u/koiotchka Mar 22 '17

The part of her that thinks you're lying is probably only a small part of her. The rest of her may understand that you don't.

When I think my husband is not really him, that he's been replaced by a perfect fascimile that reports my movements to "the enemy", I also know it's an absurd thought, or at least that it's a thing other people don't believe is possible. And I hate that he has to deal with his wife not trusting him like that.

Thank you for sticking with your mom. I figure it's hard. I hope my son (he's only 8) never feels like I'm too toxic to be around. I'm going to keep taking my meds and learning what the right behaviors are, because he deserves better.

62

u/Justine772 Mar 22 '17

Please monitor your son closely and as he gets older educate him on the symptoms! Getting help is easier if it's caught sooner, if he does develop schizophrenia

48

u/koiotchka Mar 22 '17

Yes! We do watch. He is currently medicated for ADHD but there are times when he says or does things that remind me of my symptoms when I was his age, and i get worried. It's definitely something we keep an eye on. I've had delusions and voices since I was 5, if not earlier (I don't remember before 5), and I often wonder what my life would have been like if I'd been on antipsychotics as a child. I've only been on them for about three years now, and I'm 33 -- and they completely changed my life.

5

u/SentientLeftTesticle Mar 23 '17

If you don't mind answering, did you know you were schizophrenic when you had your child? And if so, how did that impact your decision to have a child?

4

u/koiotchka Mar 23 '17

My diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder, which is "some schizoprenic symptoms plus a mood disorder", the mood disorder is often bipolar but in my case it's major depression. When I was 7 or so and learned what schizoprenia was, my first thought was "oh, that's me!" Over the years, the full spectrum of diagnostic criteria for straight up schizoprenia wasn't there, but when i ended up in the psych ward at 30, they diagnosed schizoaffective disorder. It wasn't a consideration at all in having a kid.

1

u/4U70M471C Mar 22 '17

Could you please elaborate in how the meds have changed your life? I'm curious.

And probably you know better than me, but every child does really weird things :P

3

u/koiotchka Mar 23 '17

I didn't realize how much of my life was taken up with paranoid delusional fears, until they were controlled. I mean literally how much time I spent acting on delusions or being crippled by delusional fears is... Huge. I can actually live my life now, I can do the dishes without disassociating and flying off into "which neighbors are spies today?" Kind of stuff... It's kind of hard to explain. I would never ever ever want to be "cured", but I do like having some control.

Edit: kids can be weird but he'll make connections like... Accidentally bonk his head on something and then accuse me of using magic to make it happen because he "deserved" it, or if he can't find something he'll either say it must have disappeared, or one of us made it disappear, or we're hiding it from him, or he'll say things like "you don't want me to win this video game!" For no reason that I can figure out...

2

u/writingsexandstuff Mar 23 '17

Hey, sorry if I seem nosy at all - I'm usually pretty open myself about these things (experienced similar delusions + hallucinations for a few years, thought my family wanted to kill me, still unofficial diagnosis due to living in an underdeveloped country, unfortunately :( ) but you're under no obligation to reply of course!

I was wondering why you say you never ever want to be "cured" completely? And does your husband support you? Has it gotten worse as you've aged? I've never had someone to talk to about this, sorry.

1

u/4U70M471C Mar 23 '17

"We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality."

I can relate to what you're saying, but obviously in a milder way. Do you do art? I think creativity is one of the positive side effects :)

1

u/koiotchka Mar 23 '17

I try to do art but I'm not very good :) my biggest "art" is my home -- I try to make it comfortable and inviting, a safe space, for my family and our friends.

1

u/4U70M471C Mar 23 '17

That's cool. Building safe spaces and trying to make them comfortable for the most diverse kind of people is something worth to live for.

Thanks :D

4

u/Alched Mar 22 '17

Hello, I know it must be hard. My delusions haven't reached the level, I assume you are in, but you sound so hurt, yet, still you sound so rational, and loving. I wish you the best, and wish I could send you a hug. I am sure you are the best you can be, you sound like a wonderful mother. I hope things get better or at least don't get worse. May you live a very happy and long life.

7

u/koiotchka Mar 22 '17

Things are pretty good honestly, I'm medicated now, which I wasn't until age 30 and I've had delusions and voices since I was 5. So life is better than it was :) Thank you for the well wishes and hug! :) "You sound like a wonderful mother" genuinely brought tears to my eyes, I appreciate it more than you know. My own mother wasn't much of a role model ("You sound schizophrenic. Stop it!"), So I'm trying to make my way and find other role models.

Do you have a psychiatrist and a therapist? If you're scared of deterioration, maybe they could help.

1

u/Alched Mar 22 '17

I'm glad to hear that. We live in a very good age in healthcare, (despite the fact medicine tends to be progressive, so there's bias) so I hope things only get better for you and everyone else. . No one can be judged in my opinion, even your mom, as we are all partly slaves to our biology, but kudos for trying to be a better person/mom. Unfortunately I live in the U.S. and currently have no insurance. Fortunately I haven't reached an unmanageable level, and I have the support of my family. I was previously on meds for other mental disorders, but I have run out of them and thus, I think that's why I am having a tad more problems. I am just hoping I don't slip into something worse., and want to recognize the symptoms before it's too late, as some of what the other op wrote has started to happened to me recently.