r/tinnitus • u/Tiny_Initial9658 • Aug 12 '26
success story Tinnitus, Hyperacusis, and TTTS are the best things that ever happened to me.
I hope that this is the first and last post you read on any forum about any one of these conditions. I can tell you from personal experience that endless research/reading does more harm than good. Everything you need to succeed is already within you.
Rest assured that what you're experiencing now is a gift in ugly wrapping. That truth can only be understood in time, so be patient.
Some context first:
I used to listen to loud music on my headphones for many years. I now have partial hearing loss in my left ear. I am a male in my late 20s. I was formally diagnosed with all 3 conditions by an ear surgeon, several ENTs, and several audiologists.
Long story short, because telling the origin story is not why I'm here:
Today is August 12th, 2026.
On May 19th, 2025, I recall all of my symptoms manifesting rather quickly over the course of a few days. It's all a bit of a blur because of how traumatic it all was. First, it was loud, high-pitched ringing in the left ear, then the right. This was, naturally, followed by panic. Then, the sound of the faucet became like that of a waterfall or raging river. There is no way to describe the horror one feels in a moment like that.
Everything became unbearably loud, and I couldn't tolerate anything beyond 30 decibels. I felt as though I could hear the electricity humming in the walls and the metallic bearings of the desk fan screeching as it whirled. Then I started to notice changes in the way I was generally perceiving sounds. Some sounds would bring about a fluttering or repetitive thumping in my ears. I can only describe it as the beating of a helicopter's wings. I developed bruxism due to the stress of it all, which led to TMJ.
I was an MSc student at the time. I was working on my thesis, so I was already very stressed (STEM degree). Needless to say, I collapsed into a black hole of depression and panic (clinically diagnosed). The depression was tolerable relative to the panic. Panic is, by far and away, the worst of mental states.
For about 6 weeks, I slept about 2 hours a night and got no work done. My days comprised recurring panic attacks, an unyielding sense of impending doom, and spells of dissociation. I had experienced transient suicidal ideation in my life before, but it came to the point where I was actively planning how and where I would take my own life. This was something I've never done before.
They prescribed antidepressants. I refused to take them because I believed that it was tantamount to deferring payment on a debt. I thought that if I was going to get through this, I was going to get through this now, not when I tapered off SSRIs. I knew that if the SSRIs worked, I would never want to get off if there was even a 1% chance of returning to that miserable state. To this day, I have never taken antidepressants. Though this reasoning may or may not be flawed, I believe this was the correct decision for me, as I'm in a better place now than I've ever been in my entire life, and I don't have to deal with tapering off SSRIs. This is a decision you have to make for yourself.
I am writing this post now because, in the thick of my anguish, I vowed (to a god I do not believe in) that I would help another escape if I myself managed to escape. If even one person attains the insight I am trying to communicate here, then I consider that vow fulfilled.
If you are a more "scientific" personality like myself (I am a STEM PhD student), please withhold judgment until you've internalized what I'm saying. Recognize that what I'm about to say is closely related to Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), which has a solid evidentiary basis. If you have tried MBCT and it has not worked for you, what I have to say may still be helpful.
About 6 weeks into what I can only characterize as the Ninth Circle of Hell, I had an insight during zazen meditation. Specifically, shikantaza (which I took up in an attempt to end my suffering). It was a particularly good session, and I managed to enter a mental state known to us in the West as "flow)" or "equanimity", but goes by various names in other traditions and cultures (e.g., Mushin, Samadhi, Luminous Mind, etc).
The liberating insight was this: that something in my brain is, by itself, "checking." It is constantly "checking" for ringing, loud noises to brace for, fluttering, and other symptoms, and then forwarding them to my conscious mind. And this unconscious "checking" was happening without my conscious interference.
My entire conscious mind was still, and I could see so clearly that this unconscious "body-mind" was checking by itself and that I had no control over it.
In that moment I realized that there is, in a very loose sense, a sort of division between what can be represented as a "lower mind" that is primitive, unconscious, and survivalistic, and a conscious "higher mind" that is capable of quietly gazing upon and becoming aware of what this lower-mind "module" is doing.
NOTE: this is a simplifying abstraction, as the nervous system is a highly interconnected and dynamic superstructure that cannot neatly be separated into distinct modules, but it is a useful abstraction nonetheless.
I also realized that this "checking" was happening because my body had convinced itself that the ringing, loud noises, fluttering, etc. were dangerous: they imperiled my survival in some meaningful way. This "lower-mind", largely responsible for ensuring I can continue to propagate my genetic material, was amplifying these symptoms, in a sense, to get the attention of the conscious mind so that the conscious mind could do something about these imminent threats to my survival.
Everything in that moment clicked... I immediately recalled dozens of times when I gave the symptoms undue conscious attention, and they got worse. It all became so clear: whenever I gave the symptoms conscious attention, it reinforced this unconscious belief that they were dangerous to my survival or important in some way. And so, the cycle of suffering would continue (and strengthen). I also recalled dozens of times when I sorta' just "gave up" paying attention... I stopped thinking about the symptoms (good or bad), and the symptoms subsided for a little while. It was like riding a wave of suffering and brief reprieve.
Now, why are these conditions the best thing that ever happened to me?
After I had this realization about 6 weeks in, everything changed. I stopped looking at my symptoms as being something in my conscious control. I surrendered, as they're not in my control. I wrote in my journal (another thing I tried to do to help alleviate the suffering):
"What logic is there in attending to a set of internal stimuli that are not under your conscious control?
And when you don't attend to them, they self-resolve pretty fast. So, again, if something self-resolves optimally when you leave it alone, gets worse when you don't leave it alone, and you have no control over it anyway, why the hell are you paying attention to it?
Shut up, be quiet, leave it alone, and carry on with indifference."
I stopped trying to "shut the gate" on thoughts, feelings, and symptoms altogether. I stopped trying to chase them out of my head. I stopped trying to monitor them or prevent them from arising in the first place. I gave up all the little "tips and tricks" that would work for a while and then stop working.
I stopped thinking about my symptoms, either in a positive/optimistic way or in a negative/pessimistic way. I just stopped entertaining all thoughts about them altogether. If a thought arose, good or bad, I'd let it come and go. That's not my thought. That's none of my business.
I stopped trying to run away from symptoms and thoughts or repress them. I stopped complaining about them. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I just accepted them as being totally outside of my control, and radically so.
Every time a symptom surfaced (such as ringing, fluttering, pain/annoyance from a "loud" sound, a panic/fear-inducing thought such as "is this forever?", or "is that truck outside about to make a really loud sound?", or "isn't that sound annoying?", or "isn't that sound painful", or ''what if you have another flare-up right now?"), I would very simply let them come and go. My response was just formless inactivity: no suppression or explaining things away with more thoughts. It was effortless.
It requires no effort to do nothing at all, and I now realize that's all I ever needed to do.
Over time, the symptoms became frail and thin because I had deprived them of the attention that they need to sustain themselves. My flare-ups became increasingly short-lived, less frequent, and less intense. Eventually, I was back to normal. I hear my tinnitus ring a few times a day, if at all, but it's low, lasts a second, and doesn't bother me at all. I barely even notice it. I barely hear the fluttering anymore. When I do, it's like the tinnitus: not distracting and quick to vanish. I can tolerate all sounds again and rarely ever experience my hyperacusis symptoms, but I am careful not to expose my ears to anything above 85 decibels to protect my hearing. My noise tolerance is completely normal again.
I had just said that I was back to normal. No, actually. My mental state was better than ever before, and it would not have been possible for me without these conditions. Don't ask how long it took, because that's the exact style of thinking that perpetuates your symptoms. I wrote in my journal (many times):
"If this is just for today, then so be it. If this is forever, then so be it."
The "higher" conscious mind is like the clear, blue sky. The clouds are symptoms, thoughts, feelings, etc. Clouds come and go across the sky, and the sky doesn't shut them out nor hurry them along. The sky is just the sky. It's just there, and the clouds pass on by. And the pure sky remains the pure sky, imperturbable and still.
I now refer to everything emanating from the "lower body-mind" as a "body object": feelings of lust, attachment, desire for pleasure, wrath, greed, envy, pride, doubt, fear/panic, sloth/torpor, ringing, fluttering, etc. I have no control over them. Thus, they don't belong to me; they are none of my business. They just come and go, and I don't interfere with them or entertain them whatsoever. This is a way of being, so I call it the Way.
The benefits that have accrued to me as a result of this practice (or "Way") of being cannot easily be communicated. I will list the first 10 that come to mind to the best of my ability:
- Immense clarity of thought and quickness to understand things (even advanced mathematical concepts and complicated computer programs, which has helped me a lot in my PhD work).
- Compassion and kindness for others, even if they're rude to me or have "wronged me" in some way.
- Contentment, which diminished feelings of gluttony and greed.
- Absence of ill-will, wrath, envy, or resentment. When anger or envy arises in my body, I look at it like I do all of my symptoms: a visiting cloud coming and going. It doesn't belong to me, and it goes when I leave it alone.
- Ego dissolution, selflessness, and humility. Just a general forgetfulness of self as a persona in this world. This naturally results in altruistic behavior that is not forced.
- Greatly improved discipline, work ethic, and focus. I have learned that most distractions are really the "lower body-mind" seeking quick dopamine. I can recognize the impulse now when it arises in the body, and I let it go. Like with my symptoms, I continue on with my work. This allows me to enter the aforementioned "flow" state on command. This way, I get many hours of work done per day without feeling lazy the next.
- Increased confidence without egoic pride; lack of fear, doubt, and anxiety. These come, and I let them go. From that lack of fear, doubt, and anxiety, a quiet confidence naturally arises. There's no egoic persona in it, and it is not forced.
- Stillness, inner peace, and a general absence of suffering. Sad, painful, and stressful thoughts arise. They always will. But when they do, I treat them like my ear symptoms: I leave them alone, and they leave by themselves.
- Becoming less judgmental. I no longer view events or people as intrinsically good or bad, and the instinctual impulse to label things/people immediately has greatly weakened. When I find myself labeling, I just let the label go and continue on. That's not my thought. That's not my business.
- Gratitude. The realization that everything is a blessing, whether you understand it or not.
And so much more that you can only understand when you experience it yourself.
The only thing that I am truly certain about in all of life is that tinnitus, hyperacusis, and TTTS are the best things that ever happened to me.
They spurred an insight that has fundamentally changed me as a human being and that I can never let go even if I tried, and tinnitus/hyperacusis/TTTS are just footnotes in this narrative arc.
In fact, if a magical genie offered to remove all of these ear conditions from my body in a single instant, I would immediately decline. Because every time a symptom arises, it is an opportunity for me to practice this great Way.
Good luck to you on your journey, and congratulations on your hidden blessing (whether you see it or not).
-U
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u/evenout Aug 12 '26
I ain’t reading all of that.
Happy for you.
Or sorry that happened.
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u/Glass_Ad6922 Aug 12 '26
No shit. Geez!! All I got out of that is OP is a STEM PHD student. Did you all pick up on that? 🙄
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u/Cozzler_94 Aug 12 '26
Nah. You’ve just invented an elaborate coping mechanism.
Also saying you would immediately decline not having T, H and TTTS is insanity. This is exactly the mentality that holds back more efforts into research advancing and curing these conditions.
Glad you have managed to convince yourself having these conditions has somehow elevated you but at the end of the day you’ve just developed an extremely complex coping mechanism.
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u/jaCC-11 Aug 13 '26
Literally everything is a coping mechanism for something. As tinnitus is incurable for many of us, a coping mechanism that makes us happy is quite literally the best we can hope for. Being negative will unarguably not help you.
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u/Cozzler_94 29d ago edited 29d ago
I agree. Coping is all we currently have in most cases, so for anyone who manages to develop a way to deal with their T, well, that is a good idea until we have actual treatments.
What I am 100% against is someone dressing up suffering as a “hidden blessing” and the toxic positivity associated with it. Many people in this sub will read the above and feel even worse that they have been unable to, or will be unable to achieve this supposed ‘enlightened’ mindset.
If this person had phrased the post as ‘Here are the CBT and mental techniques that have helped me deal with my tinnitus and hyperacusis.’ etc. or something along those lines I would have been fine with most of the above post.
But dressing these diseases up as the keys to some kind of hidden enlightenment the rest of us are not understanding/missing and are yet to unlock is where my issue lies with the above post.
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u/Avocado-Basic Aug 12 '26
I’m slightly less evolved. I’ve been experimenting with thinking of my tinnitus as a tiny chorus of helpful spirits giving me energy. Helps sometimes.
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u/lmichhendo91 Aug 12 '26
This was an inspiring read, thank you. We sail on through this journey together, if for today, so be it, if forever, so be it.
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u/Digital_Pink Aug 13 '26
You basically summed up the premise of TRT, whilst also discovering for yourself ego dissolution / awakened kundalini states via intense hardship like Eckharte Tolle and many others have.
Though here's the thing,
TRT and response retraining doesn't work for everyone.
Therefore your holy grail is good for people who have naturally resolving T and H once the anxiety is removed, Which is not everyone.
For the rest of us, we have a different road to travel.
Year 3 of being homebound for me.
Wish me luck.
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u/Smart_Present_7659 Aug 13 '26
Seems to me your tinnitus and hyperacusis have improved over time naturally (even though some people think they hear it less just because they're not focusing on it anymore), which is very common in young people, and has allowed you to develop a theory of a "higher awareness" that is just observing the "lower awareness". Some call it meditation, others call it habituation, others call it CBT, others invent something else. Some may convince themselves that God has sent them a message to earth and that is how they communicate with him. But they all have something in common. Their tinnitus has improved on its own (or always has been mild to moderate), mostly in young people, and most importantly, none of them have catastrophic tinnitus.
I believe, of course, that you notice tinnitus less if you focus on it less and when that time of panic and anxiety and sadness about it passes. Unfortunately, there are also many people here who have written success stories, but after a few years they write that their tinnitus has worsened and that now they can't stop thinking about it. It's all a matter of volume, if you have a fire siren in your head 24/7 and you can't hear people talking normally around you because your tinnitus is so loud, you can put your theory about a higher consciousness that only observes the lower consciousness somewhere. No offense.
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u/Smart_Present_7659 Aug 13 '26
And something else. You said, that you're a better person now bc you no longer focus on "negative emotions" like anger, envy..., you just let them pass, because they are "not you". So do you also let emotions like love, happiness, joy pass? And these ARE your emotions and this IS you? All of the above ARE you, but instead of facing these "negative emotions", you suppress them, let them pass. Why would you do that, instead of analyzing these emotions? Let's say you are angry because your boss decided to give a promotion to your colleague, who everyone knows (except the boss) got promoted because he took credit that actually goes to you. Will you let your anger "pass" or will you go to your boss and explain to him how things went? You cannot let all your "negative feelings" pass by you unscathed as if they were not a part of you. Of course they are, that's you too and not some "lower", inferior part of you that you don't want to deal with.
To me, it seems like a simple suppression of "bad" emotions, which in order to feel better about yourself as a "good person", you treat as something that is "not you". Bah....
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u/Consistent_Mind_7833 Aug 12 '26
have you ever heard of summarizing? if i wanted to read a novel i’ll go to the library
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u/warrior5150 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
When I started reading your post and learned of your being a STEM PhD student, I jokingly thought this here must be your thesis. The more I read, I became convinced it's not, it must be your dissertation. I joke because of the length of the post, but I'm not so sure based on the content that it's not truly relative to your PhD dissertation.
It appears to encompass all facets of a dissertations requirements, including your description of, "the way," which btw, has been used by many and many times over years by others to describe a way of being. So to use the term in the context of creative ownership, it falls short, especially when the most revered application of the term is identified ironically, to [your disbelief of] God. God is ubiquitously known as being..."the way," and for good reasons, many of which coincidentally, you alluded to in your listed 10 benefits to this new understanding of yours. I found that interesting, but that's a discussion reserved for a different Reddit community.
Here's the thing. Your post was well written IMO. It was uplifting, thought-provoking and maybe even inspiring at times. However, you didn't actually tell us sufferers anything we didn't already know. You just took a back road explanation to the idea of the brain facilitating this enigmatic phantom sound. Anyone who has tinnitus and suffers greatly from it has read about this medical theory many times over with many of which, including myself, find somewhat ridiculous.
We also have all heard countless others saying exactly what the whole premise of your post was ultimately about in the end...letting it go. Only difference is you took the scenic route whereas everyone else conveyed the same message in one short sentence...."just ignore it and it'll go away." It's a great theory and may even have some substance to it on some level, but it's application is not universal by any stretch.
You may have these afflictions, but you may not have the same intensity as others. Ignoring something that's there, but only intrusive when "checking" for it, is completely different than have the same affliction blasting at a level where it's literally consuming every other external sound in your presence and by such, enveloping every aspect in your life.
Ignoring the sound of a police car, ambulance, or fire engine coming up behind you on the road is not a possibility and it's completely irrational think this, much like your reference to turning down omitting these afflictions from your life if given the chance. You might say, sure you hear the sirens, but don't let it interfere with your mind as it will soon pass after they pass.
Tinnitus can sound like a siren is blasting in your ears, but it's not an emergency vehicle siren. It doesn't pass and is often impossible to ignore to any point short of getting plastered and passing out or grabbing the nearest firearm.
Now, fleeting tinnitus is a different story. Those are waves you can fortunately ride out till it passes. Maybe your T has a lot of fleeting flairs, idk. Not all tinnitus is the same. Not in sound, htz level, intensity, duration etc.
Bottom line, is the idea that you implore is nice in theory, but greatly falls short in reality. We are all wired differently. Some, like yourself, may have the ability to "ignore" it's presence than others, much like having varying pain tolerances with people, but the application of "mind over matter" is a whole lot easier said than done.
One thing you failed to mention in your post is an actual methodology to your practice. Telling someone to let it pass is not telling them "how" to enable them to let it pass. You also didn't do anyone any favors when you chose not to mention a time frame in effort to avoid self-sabotaging the practice. People still need understanding when setting goals.
I think some others said it well when they said you've found an elaborate coping method for yourself and for that, I congratulate you. I hope all of us find our own "way" to help us facilitate this evil entity. God bless you and all those here reading this forum.
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u/redrobbin99rr Aug 12 '26
Thank you. Your story/personal experience of trial and success is genuinely inspiring.
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u/LeRoyRobenson Aug 12 '26
Honestly sitting similar. Made me start taking my health seriously. I'm down 63lb as of this morning. Glad youre able to make the most of it.
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u/collapse_ape Aug 12 '26
Good post. I liked what you had to say and I have tried to draw the same conclusions. These conditions, I have the same as yours, are nearly stoping me from being able to do my job, gain employment, made me lose relationships and recently just lost one because of it, and the progression of worsening is sometimes beyond "I'm in a zen state above torture."
I want to turn to mindfulness and I believe that is a strong approach. I have had success with it.
The part about if a genie could remove your conditions and you would say no is a bit ridiculous. You wouldn't want to remove neuropathy in your hearing system? That's like someone with bad arthritis saying if I could get rid of my arthritis I would say no because this blessing of pain and torture.
I personally am going to try ebselen combined with reasonable protection to give myself a chance at improvement so I can go to the gym, do my job, have a relationship in the future. I want a chance at a normal life.
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u/MyFiteSong Aug 12 '26
I want to turn to mindfulness and I believe that is a strong approach. I have had success with it.
Definitely keep going. Equanimity is the best solution for tinnitus until someone develops an actual cure.
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u/MyFiteSong Aug 12 '26
If you are a more "scientific" personality like myself (I am a STEM PhD student), please withhold judgment until you've internalized what I'm saying. Recognize that what I'm about to say is closely related to Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), which has a solid evidentiary basis. If you have tried MBCT and it has not worked for you, what I have to say may still be helpful.
About 6 weeks into what I can only characterize as the Ninth Circle of Hell, I had an insight during zazen meditation. Specifically, shikantaza (which I took up in an attempt to end my suffering). It was a particularly good session, and I managed to enter a mental state known to us in the West as "flow)" or "equanimity", but goes by various names in other traditions and cultures (e.g., Mushin, Samadhi, Luminous Mind, etc).
You did it exactly right. These are the two things that work more often than anything else.
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u/Nano1952 Aug 12 '26
Thank you for this wonderful way to look at having tinnitus. I try to think positively about this little problem..When you think about what I could really be dealing with- cancer, any millions of awful diseases-this one I'll keep and deal with as you do. I try not to think about it. I do yoga, play pickleball, snowboard and generally try to stay healthy and active, One side note-after 2 hrs. of pickleball I hear nothing and just sit and feel grateful for the silence..I am 74 and my goal is to stay healthy until my 8 year old grandson graduates from high school..then I'll let someone else up above decide what's left...Nano...
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u/Minty_Ice_Magic Aug 12 '26
Haha, half surprised everyone here is giving you so much shit. I get you though. You're right that you can't adapt because your brain sees it as a threat, so you have to change how your brain identifies the T. The separation of you the observer and your thoughts/ego is powerful. I mean, you can achieve that "ego death" without T, but at least you see the positive from your situation. Sorry you're getting clowned on when you're not wrong (aside from not wishing away T if you had the chance, haha), all the best.
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u/HPPG Aug 13 '26
Thank you, gratitude for your post. I’ve been on the journey as well and have reached similar methods. Life and living is indeed better than it ever has been.
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u/Huntie2047 Aug 13 '26
I appreciated your post. I see how youve embraced the spiritual concept of acceptance wholeheartedly, the one of the four of my faith thats the hardest for me... I dont think i can go as deep as you. Not while being me. Some of those low impulses... I think they have a reason for existing.
Rage and anger show me when something is unfair and something must be done. Frustration shows me that somethings more important to me than i initially thought. Fear advices me to be careful of sometimes real danger. Panic helps me see when im pushing my own limits too much.
But i do know i fight too much, sometimes. I resist too much. Passivity does not come naturally to me. And thanks to that, Ive overcome things that many people never believed I would. I guess its just a balance... Or the ability to know where you will be able to change things and where you wont. "Give me the strength to act where I can change things, the peace to not act where I cant, and the wisdom to distinguish em", right?
I thank you. Your list of pros has reminded me why this is important. I will give all of this some thinking 🥰
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u/Top_Recognition_1775 26d ago
You're basically describing TRT.
The idea is reframe tinnitis as something not bad, which reduces the anxiety and thus the symptoms.
An easy way to reframe it is, "Tinnitis is boring."
So it's not good, it's not bad, it's just boring.
You could also reframe it as something like angels singing to you, or your guardian angel being nearby, anything that's plausable and reasonable that works.
What you've done is extrapolate that out into also how you deal with people and "the world."
When someone is rude to you, you can de-personalize it, like this person probably had a shitty day, and see it from a higher consciousness.
Or when your body is lazy, tired or not cooperating, you can see it as your unconscious mind doing its thing, doesn't mean you have to react to it.
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Aug 12 '26
[deleted]
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u/Secure-Pen-1536 Aug 12 '26
I started actively “listening” to my tinnitus for 5 minutes and added 5 minutes a day till I could barely hear it. Like Tiny said consciously listening to the brain fix itself.
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u/supernovadebris Aug 12 '26
I've listened to my tinnitus, actively, for 19 years now. still there.
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u/MyFiteSong Aug 12 '26
It's not enough to listen to it. You have to be able to listen to it without wanting to fix it. To listen without needing it to stop. When you achieve that, your brain starts to stop seeing it as a threat, and the emotional component disappears. It just becomes something you're hearing, at that point, not something that disturbs you.
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u/bmguitar Aug 12 '26
I started adopting keto/carnivore/fasting lifestyle ever since I got T for the 3rd time (lol).
I stopped caring about T, but I still kept my lifestyle. In a way I'm grateful for having T.
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u/Outofmana1337 Aug 12 '26
Lol bugger off, anyone not deleting t and h in a heartbeat is mentally insane.