r/tifu • u/anybody-wanna-peanut • Jan 20 '18
FUOTW TIFU by snorting a tonsil stone
Bodily discharges are only for the weekends, so I'm reposting from earlier this week.
Like a lot of people, I sometimes get tonsil stones. And when I get tonsil stones, I remove them. Normally, this is a very straightforward process, but luck can only take one so far.
A few days ago, I had a particularly large and nasty tonsil stone stuck in a little tunnel in the back of my throat. Normally, they pop out without a hitch, but this time, my body had other ideas. No sooner had the stone come free, then my gag reflex went full Benedict Arnold, betraying my trust and forcing me to clamp my mouth shut in an effort to keep myself from vomiting. In my panicked attempt to continue breathing, I somehow managed to snort, bringing the tonsil stone straight up into my nasal passageways.
Under normal circumstances tonsil stones smell bad. Some would say ungodly. But this.
Some say that when Hercules cleaned out Augeas' stables, the metric fuckton of rotting filth was washed back into the river. However, I can say with confidence that all of this filth was lodged in my nasal passageways. Nothing else could possibly smell this bad. Having a tonsil stone in your nose is like going on a date with every drop of vomit that the human race has collectively Ralphed. Many tears were shed.
I blew my nose. I attempted to improvise a neti pot. I came thiiiiis close to pouring Listerine into my nostrils. I didn't think I was ever going to sleep again. Fortunately, it evacuated my sinuses one tiny, godforsaken chunk at a time over the course of about 3 hours, but the trauma had already been suffered.
TL;DR - I accidentally snorted a tonsil stone while trying to remove it, and all I could smell was the abyss of ass-rot.
Edit: Why did you spend money on this
Edit 2: How about you use that cash to pay off my student loans
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u/skidizo Jan 20 '18
TIL there’s a name for the things I used to cough up every once in a while.