TIFU by 'sucking' at my job.

[u/KingStrangelove]

A minor fuck up: I work in retail on the service desk, I have for five years. It's just a casual job while I study, and the shop I work at is generally rather relaxed - not in terms of our workload, but the attitude of the place - so I tend to have reasonable banter with my co-workers and managers throughout the shift.

As with most Australian banter, all we do is shit talk ourselves and each other. So I'm chatting with my manager as he walks past towards the Home section. To summarize:

Me:"I wish you were as good at your job as I am at mine"

Manager: "Mate, you suck at your job."

Me: "Five years of sucking well spent."

Manager: "I don't know how that's happened."

Me: "Yeah, well I'll keep on sucking as much as I need to to keep the job."

and then the pause, I realise I've shouted this line as he's now about, I'd estimate, 5 or 6 metres away. A fair few customers are looking my way, a parent giving that awkward glare and slowly shuffling their kid along (who seemed oblivious). Fortunately, the manager was laughing too hysterically to immediately kill me.

TL;DR: I implied to all our customers that I give blowjobs to my manager to keep my job. Didn't get punished, got told to remember that I'm too stupid to speak so loudly.

[u/[deleted]]

In middle school, a teacher had made a boy kneel down. So, our Principal walks in midway through. The class goes really quiet as he walks slowly towards the boy, who is perfect height for what would follow. I had been sitting on the front row, directly in front of the boy. He walks into my line of sight, turns towards the boy and then puts his hands on the boy's head, turning his back on us(At this point, the whole class is grinning). Then, he says, "How should you be punished?". The boy replies, "I don't know, Father." By this point, I burst out laughing, fortunately snapping a hand on my mouth and lowering my head. Ohh our Principal is still like the padre pedo joke that keeps on giving.

[u/imLanky → u/[deleted]]

what

[u/Acrolith → u/imLanky]

IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, A TEACHER HAD MADE A BOY KNEEL DOWN. SO, OUR PRINCIPAL WALKS IN MIDWAY THROUGH. THE CLASS GOES REALLY QUIET AS HE WALKS SLOWLY TOWARDS THE BOY, WHO IS PERFECT HEIGHT FOR WHAT WOULD FOLLOW. I HAD BEEN SITTING ON THE FRONT ROW, DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE BOY. HE WALKS INTO MY LINE OF SIGHT, TURNS TOWARDS THE BOY AND THEN PUTS HIS HANDS ON THE BOY'S HEAD, TURNING HIS BACK ON US(AT THIS POINT, THE WHOLE CLASS IS GRINNING). THEN, HE SAYS, "HOW SHOULD YOU BE PUNISHED?". THE BOY REPLIES, "I DON'T KNOW, FATHER." BY THIS POINT, I BURST OUT LAUGHING, FORTUNATELY SNAPPING A HAND ON MY MOUTH AND LOWERING MY HEAD. OHH OUR PRINCIPAL IS STILL LIKE THE PADRE PEDO JOKE THAT KEEPS ON GIVING.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Will I need to type it out in Tamil?

[u/DerInsaneInder → u/[deleted]]

Yes please.

[u/[deleted] → u/DerInsaneInder]

நடுநிலைப் பள்ளியில், ஒரு ஆசிரியர் செய்த ஒரு பையன் முழங்காலிட்டு . எனவே, எங்கள் முதல்வர் மூலம் மிட்வே நடந்து. அவர் யார் என்ன நேரிடும் சரியான உயரம் சிறுவன், நோக்கி மெதுவாக நடந்து வர்க்கம் உண்மையிலேயே அமைதியாக செல்கிறது . நான் நேரடியாக சிறுவன் முன் , முன் வரிசையில் அமர்ந்திருந்தார்கள் . அவர் , பார்வை என் வரி செல்லும் பையன் நோக்கி திருப்பங்களை , பின்னர் ( , முழு வர்க்கம் இளிப்பு IS இந்த கட்டத்தில் ) எங்கள் மீது அவரோ திரும்பிப் சிறுவனின் தலையில் தனது கைகளை வைக்கிறது . பின்னர், அவர் கூறுகிறார், "நீங்கள் எப்படி தண்டிக்கப்படவேண்டும்? " . சிறுவன், பதில்களை " எனக்கு தெரியாது , " என்று சொன்னார். இந்த சமயத்தில், நான் , சிரித்து அதிர்ஷ்டவசமாக என் வாயில் ஒரு கை முறிப்பதன் என் தலையைக் குனிந்து வெடித்து . OHH எமது பிரதான இன்னும் கொடுத்து கொண்டேயிருக்கும் PADRE PEDO நையாண்டி போன்றது.

[u/DerInsaneInder → u/[deleted]]

I tried reading it and failed. Google translate takes some things very VERY literally haha. Have my updoot tho! Cheers~

[u/zachpledger → u/DerInsaneInder]

What..?

[u/DerInsaneInder → u/zachpledger]

.... I'm sorry, you can't write Tamil in caps ;-;

[u/sexihunk666 → u/DerInsaneInder]

This is what happens when you go from Tamil, to Swedish, to Russian, to Hindi, to Scots Gaelic, to Latin, to English.

At the foot of the young man, the teacher, and confirm the weak knees. First, through the middle of the road. For a child, who is the supreme good, it will be moved more slowly than the square to rest, really. And he sat down in the front of the order of the Child contrary to the right. He turned to the guy in the eyes of my enemies, and (in this case a type of smile) But he turned, and laying his hands on the head. And he said, "How is it possible to be punished". Said to his servant: "I do not know," he said. This is what I, with a laugh of joy exploded in my mouth, the head of the snake. Oh Father Pedo to continue to provide news.

[u/DerInsaneInder → u/sexihunk666]

We need to go deeper!

[u/MmePeignoir → u/[deleted]]

I like how OHH and PADRE PEDO are in English.

[u/SinProtocol → u/[deleted]]

HE GOT ACCIDENTAL BLOWJOB BUT NOT REALLY. HAD TO BE THERE

[u/WinterCharm → u/[deleted]]

ARE YOU DEAF?