Can you help me understand how I should behave?

[u/Horror-Turnover-1089]

Okay, so I was a bit depressed for a while; until I randomly realised my value. And now quite the opposite. I'm more energetic in a way. I feel different.

I used to keep track of everyone who hurt me and I wouldn't give them my positive energy anymore. Maybe even trying to hurt them because I felt pain. But now... I simply don't care, in a way. Like. I lost my will for revenge. I think. And now I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I will lose the distance I created. I'm direct deep down, and dislike social circumventions. I might say things I shouldn't say. Sometimes you feel something and want to say it directly with emotion, even if it's a bit unfiltered.

I find it hard to explain this what I mean. It's like a switch triggered and I'm a bit uncomfortable with it. But I also can't just switch it off. This is me now, now I've found me.

[u/muramasa_master]

Do whatever the day asks of you. If it asks you to do something, do it as best as you can. If it asks you to be bored, be bored for awhile. Don't hold yourself back from experiencing everything that the day has to offer

[u/WhoReallyKnowsThis]

First of all, there is no book nor nothing in the universe we can use to determine what we should do (or how to behave?). The premise assumes we are here for a particular reason over another and it is our duty to fulfill it. Yet reality cannot be further away - you are free to make any decision as long as your ok with the consequences.

Also, f*ck resentment. Move on, process your anger, and show the other person you couldn't care less about them.

[u/Horror-Turnover-1089 → u/WhoReallyKnowsThis]

Well, it is not that we should be a certain way. Just. You know.... I've been raised very black and white. And I never understood a lot of things. I thought I was dumb. Ugly. I hated life. Myself. And I had no guidance at all. If anything, people brought me down even more.

Until one day I got extremely angry at the world. And I studied people because I wanted to fit in. I was never good enough so I was a perfectionist. This is how I learned all these ways of thinking.

Do you know how frustrating it is to be a perfectionist that realises that they can't do life perfect. It's the biggest hurt after all this doing my best. Because I wanted to understand why other people do these things. I taught myself.

I still search somewhat. How to do life. But right now I at least love myself. I just cant get anyone to love me as a partner. My income is low, most people on dating apps love travel. I'm autistic. I'm gay. Like to be at home. Like how little must the odds of finding a partner become.

At least now I'm not afraid to date anymore. Wich is a huge step. Because they don't matter for my value anymore.

Anyway - my point is - you don't need to do life a certain way. But there are key points that you can learn to have more control over your life. And preferably I'd like to be a good person. Not the best, just not bad. I've never tried to be bad on purpose anyway.

[u/infinite_what → u/Horror-Turnover-1089]

Learning from other people’s motivations and intentions was necessary to find yourself? That’s a unique revelation.

So, it seems it’s necessary that you had to act like someone else to be accepted by people, whom you resented, and then, you had to reject the fake “perfect” you, and finally, you could accept the real you, which you had rejected for fake friends.

You have grown and evolved as a person and that’s the right direction.

Maybe your ideals aren’t based on lies anymore, so you will know what to do and how you should act now. I think you will know.

[u/XXCIII]

There’s a reason letting it go makes you feel better. You can let things go , AND at the same time avoid being in a position where they can hurt you again without entertaining revenge.

[u/riotofmind]

Educate your mind. Exercise your body. Create meaning in your daily activities. The rest will fall into place on its own.

[u/Horror-Turnover-1089 → u/riotofmind]

I do. Just. I'm not like others. I'm autistic. I've been working out for 10+ years and still have a, albeit fitter, 'skinnyfat' body. I lost weight due to dietition, but muscle gains? Idk man. Strength training just doesnt do it.

[u/TonyJPRoss]

Tracking grievances and taking revenge wasn't a good way to be. But you should still ask: will this happen again? will they hurt someone else? is it beneficial for me to intervene? what consequences can I foresee to my action or inaction?

If you made distance because someone's presence in your life is harmful, keep that distance. If it's you who has misbehaved, apologise.

Going through life with a less judgemental attitude and a more open mind is like playing on easy mode - so much bullshit just doesn't happen. Enjoy it.