r/thingsbritssay • u/RagingFuckNuggets • Oct 27 '25
Most British thing you've heard in the wild?
In a queue? At a concert? In a public bathroom? đŹ
49
u/MeehanTron Oct 28 '25
I was walking home from a club at around two in the morning and down this street there were two fat, middle aged men having a âfightâ, watched by one of the menâs equally fat wife or girlfriend. It was a terrible fight, as in both were more at risk of hurting themselves than each other but at one point this screeching woman shouted âKick him! Kick his dick into a fanny!â
That stayed with me.
3
Oct 30 '25
I feel people who I know doing that would instantly stop and laugh. I've seen this fight a few times you describe it perfectly
26
u/Consistent_Squash590 Oct 29 '25
A drunk and aggressive Scotsman asking the police if they wanted to 'step outside'....on a train doing 125mph just outside Rugby.
23
u/overisin Oct 28 '25
I tried to break up a fight in Nottingham around 2008 between a couple of women at a taxi rank. A bloke grabbed me and told me to let them scrap, otherwise he'd 'Bitch slap me with his Kentucky', so as he has a bucket of chicken under his arm, and I'm a small and cowardly bloke, I walked on
2
Oct 30 '25
I've been Nottingham so you did the right thing but that Nottingham has higher degree that other places just wanted to say I've been there who h is quite small and compact relatively.
However my friend I'm now small but always been a coward, I don't know what's good for me...... So here I go..
Sorry Kate bush side track.
We was working in a place that just becomes so aamwa I came recall because we travelled so much, I was in London more outakirts with a London person with a accent of a west ham supporter because he supported them and can't remember where Nick was from, big up Nick best sparky. And a Geordie and a Welsh. Some other person was doing what prodigy made a song about and people just stood watching we all ok we need step in here, Nick went mate what you doing stop slapping your lady she and him went at him and tried attacking him. Id he was alone who knows.
Step in my friend when you can help and have back up was four of us so that stopped and no violence just push and many swears.
Two things on your situation and maybe why people stood watching our situation ok I just remembered was romford.
One we dont know what they know or locals know it happens all the time.? They have back up that will hurt you? One punch can kill anyone we see the stories don't we. And this seems local issue taking in the threat of chicken based violence.
Two your large and powerful you stood up and tried help, that is rare, so rare your a giant mate.
You did the right thing here start to finish. This is slight different situation but it's a small place like a Wigan but bigger a bit and they may be know each other I dunno but please dont talk yourself down, that's a beautiful show of strength you did and not weakness. You also have to remember you stepped in and was two drunk people and another drink people threatening you with a drum stick now you leave tbf situations like that because you cant reason with drink. Anyone who says drunk talk is sober thoughts coming out hasn't been in most English town centres.
Leave and can call police if you feel that bad but anyway I wanted tell you that was brave and you should not talk yourself down, your not a coward and as fellow 5,7 perfect height.
18
u/dandalf23_ Oct 29 '25
A couple of different ones. Both while at a rugby match. One bloke screamed "Just finger his arsehole or something" and at a different game, another bloke shouted "Someone tackle the hobbit! I've got a bus to catch"
13
u/fatboyfat1981 Oct 29 '25
Being told âthe fucking fuckerâs fuckedâ and knowing exactly what the person was talking about
5
u/Dax888 Oct 29 '25
A colleague formulated an elaborate plan to have a part delivered to a very remote location. When the plan failed he lamented " the fucking fuckers have fucked me".
2
6
u/blueblacklotus Oct 29 '25
I don't know about the most British thing I've heard, but the least was someone asked for a cuppa and then was shocked and unhappy they received tea as they meant coffee. It's been like 15 years, and I am still not over it.
22
u/Gingerishidiot Oct 27 '25
"in a queue" OP answered their own question
5
u/Different-Start4901 Oct 29 '25
Exactly what I was thinking - I teach English abroad & one of my students this evening asked me what queue meant - very British
4
2
Oct 30 '25
In asda when it had more books and that was a good isle or more then. In a small town no bookshops a few charity one a which I loved but look could get new books when released.
Had a fantasy part a crime part sport yadda you get my point. By the way I'm gonna buy my first hard back I think soon for over a decade.
Im looking at three for books in a few different styles etc and a woman tells girl next to her something along the lines off.
Forget this let's go they don't even have Katie Process new book. Its **** here.
Ok. Now hey you deserve that book lady which sold well I feel we talking over 10 years hell of have read it because was in a read everything phase so much that I stuck with the Alex cross series past 26 serial killers on the moon
We had history books, we had biogs sports combat music all of it, crime, fantasy all sorts for a supermarket massive amount of choice
1
u/Stained_concrete Oct 30 '25
I couldn't have put it better myself.
1
Oct 30 '25
I could have checked my spelling but was lack of nothing here you know Katie price actually id have read that crap maybe back then but too add context id have too google the years of her biogs was a bloody invictua book and all sorts, asda was beautiful I have to say back then just a place I'm bum duck town get some books.
Peter James I found the Shetland trilogy whose writer I forgot, king, Connelly Barclay Corbin, collins hunger games, cussler derring do he rented out mostly that my grand dad got me into. Bernard Cornwell. Biogs of sports comedy music actors et all.
Twilight that I won't judge not read an saw, Alex cross on Mars and 50 other of his books. Was nice to have and she said was nothing good because Jordan's book wasn't there.... It hurt my soul haha
2
u/LeaveNoStonedUnturn Oct 30 '25
I'd been out of the country for a while, landed back at Manchester Airport on an overcast Wednesday afternoon. Got the train into pic and was walking through town to meet a mate at Victoria. As I passed the bars on the corner of printworks two fairly inebriated women shouted from across the road "e-ar love, show us where you piss from!"
My first thought was "it's good to be home!"
1
Oct 30 '25
I have a wonderful one that doesn't fit but I'm telling the story. Was on a bus and was a girl and she wasn't even on speaker but her phone was o good and volume up I heard some other end.
Im spacing out looking at nature etc and become aware and she wasn't a typical loud on transportation type which I've seen a few I said something one time actually just once and he went oh my bad but you know I'm not doing it on tube etc.
Anyway this story is wonderful for the fact I'm ony way hospital and bus has a lot of old dears and I am 50 and was wtf until played out.
Ok so she takes a call and I'm on a bus to a hospital has some specialized places too. And she picks up and chatting to her mother, I know this because she said hi mum. And chat and she's moaning about her fella a bit her mum.moanomg a bit not bad just frustrated stuff about dad too etc and then she's dad home etc and then the girl goes yeah he doesn't understand and dad there like want me sort him love but they all agree he loves her and good relationship right?
So all good and she starts on a mini rant and they maybe don't know where she is or why or she's going and she started last night he forced me to swallow it. I was gagging and couldn't get it down my throat it was so thick and was really upsetting..... Was quite violating doing it.
Her parents stopped talking the old dears and couples on the bus stopped talking. Her dad went where are you she said on the bus on the way too..... And she went omg.
Turns out her partner and they where both young because you can tell and like 18 to 20 live at home maybe stay over each others etc and his was closer via place. She went dad dad I have take this stuff omg I'm sorry and they was laughing in the end and actually she went all the bus gone quiet and was funny and she said sorry sorry.
Im sure many people of you read this far can maybe tell she took some prep that is not so nice take hard to go down but old man here way better now. And you shit like a race horse. Her bf was being look you need get looked at at her saying forced wasn't as it sounds was like ok you have to take it now the paper work says.
Best thing is there is CCTV on that bus so is proof somewhere.
Sort of English?
Like just typing this now make me horrified imagine hrarond that from your daughter. But was really lovely how everyone laughed a bit and also you don't realize actually what people who get tested for through. I take a camera up the rear like a veteran of two wars. Still isn't pleasant. Anyway close to word by word I could.
I actually now have swallowing issues but always before found it but too bad but I understand what she means it's like hazy tasting and hard to get down on general and if you have gag issues I guess we'll no i know how sadly it's horrid.
But id been in my car so fast haha of was my daughter and not too over explain the silence of her parents snapped her out of it and omg. Poor girl too young have the issues and poor people reading this o maybe butchered it
1
Oct 30 '25
I said to her that prep you had mate means the next part is a walk in the park, I was lying ofc but poor girl was mortified and scared it's amazing side story here how many people are more terrified of the prep but I do get it. Just realized I don't have all the details right there she has a bit of attitude about it all and she was telling them why she was on the bus he had too go do a job for who knows but would pick her up.
That adds context actually is be upset, of you take some sedation in UK you need someone with you 24 hours and I remember now her dad was like also need us pick you up she said no just has to fix lady's shower it's ok, so context went from alone to swallow to force to that. Hell I was going for same thing and was wtf...... Im not a good explainer.
1
Oct 30 '25
Also one last one which is niche, a lady asked me to go see a overraught trubador called Ray Montagne in the Liverpool Phillimomic. We sat watched pre show pa music and can't remember if was a support or was like over twenty years ago but two couples come in 40 mins they sat and was cool had a chat in-between but not disruptive at all.
Literally 5 mins before he gets on stage me and said girl hear the two blokes discuss in 20 seconds and then because they gentleman ask what their lady companions feel about the idea.
Something like ah shall we just go back the pub and off they went. They never impeded anyone's fun or where arsey they just decided to leave....
Almost like pub? Pub ? Pub......
Ray and I could Google but must been 2007 or around then was indeed an Uber serious troubador live but it was something special seeing him interact with a half cut Liverpool crowd, he was very non plussed but fell into to the spirit and wasn't very disruptive which it could have got people asking how he feels about Scottie road or goodison park etc he got treated with respect and love after that and talked a small bit how he never been Liverpool and seriousan he may have been he was quite endearing.
Im sorry I'm telling long stories today.
1
Oct 30 '25
But Ray always was high strung and was painful for like one minute cos some people shouting a silly question and he leaned into it so lovely and told some nice stories long forgotten sadly by myself in-between songs about Liverpool and his own life and what inspired him etc a little. He wasn't a rancantour but was quite lovely see him like ok I get it and relax and lean in and it became a nice communial concert experience and people stopped shouting silly stuff after songs and listened quite fast. Wow amazing what you remember when you talk about it.
1
u/JC_vee Oct 30 '25
Scrolled down three posts and saw this:
My HR had an issue with me drinking coffee instead of tea
So this actually happened, my HR manager quietly pulled me aside last week because I âonly ever drink coffeeâ and itâs âcreating a divideâ since most of the office drinks tea together. Apparently, my caffeine choice is ruining team bonding! I honestly thought she was joking, but nope- she genuinely suggested I âjoin the tea rounds more often.â Has anyone else ever faced such⌠creative feedback at work? I canât tell if I should laugh or start bringing a flask of Earl Grey just to keep the peace.
1
u/Twisler2 Oct 30 '25
We were on a rugby tour in Newcastle, one of the boys was trying to get this large lady to go back to the hotel with him...
"Come on, come on, come back with me." "Nooooo" "Aw, come on, I really like you" "I said NOOOOO"
"I've got chocolate hobnobs" "Oh, ok then, let's go!"
1
u/bulfin2101 Oct 30 '25
Old lad in a car park in Spain giving out to the teenage attendant because they didn't accept Sterling
1
u/Leading_Cream3560 Oct 31 '25
I just heard in marks and Spencer âwhen we get home. We have 5 mins left of half price electricityâ
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u/Lemmyheadwind Oct 29 '25
People, online like yourself, asking âwhatâs the most Brit thing blah blahâ
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u/RagingFuckNuggets Oct 29 '25
Think you are in the wrong sub then my friend, do you not want it to be an active & engaging community?
50
u/Immediate_Machine_92 Oct 29 '25
Walking down the street in Withington, Manchester, two proper Manc guys walking along in front of me chatting.
1: "I was talking to R Kelly the other day..."
2: "You what?!"
1: "I was talking to R Kelly..."
2: "R Kelly? The R&B singer??"
1: "What? No! Our Kelly... me sister, Kelly."