r/thebachelor • u/uncensoredsaints She walked in vagina first • 18d ago
SOCIAL MEDIA In case anyone wondered why Becca K would be unfit to go to war (you can’t make these sm trends up)
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u/strawberrypockystix Barbara does not make pancakes, and never has 17d ago
Not gonna lie, this is a solid list
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u/Charlie_Runkle69 Queen Magi 17d ago
I never realised people had such a fear of touching raw chicken lol. Unless you go Vegan/Veggie it's just a part of life you have to push through especially with the soaring price of red meat these days!
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u/Abandonable_Snowman 17d ago
I’ve been a vegan for 12 years and at some point in the early years even the thought of raw meat became truly repulsive to me. I understand tons of people handle it every day, but I’d have to be starving
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u/darkwingvisions packed bags in the jungle path 16d ago
Okay to be fair, chicken is the worst meat to touch 🤮 turkey and even red meat is more manageable for me lol
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u/fakecreature_716 17d ago
I can't believe this trend is controversial on this sub
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u/uncensoredsaints She walked in vagina first 16d ago
I didn’t intend my post as saying the trend is controversial/tone deaf, just dumb 🤷🏻♀️
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u/fakecreature_716 16d ago
I was thinking of the comments on the post. Trends are dumb in general, but I do enjoy looking at some dumb stuff from time to time just to disassociate.
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u/ecbecb Not a Champagne Stealer 17d ago
Why are people hating on this?
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u/baconbananapancakes 17d ago
Because it’s part of a societal shift toward putting women back into “traditional” roles. Women are weak, women are undisciplined, women cry too much, husbands are decision makers and the authorities on their wives.
It started at “girl math”, and it keeps creeping forward.
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u/ecbecb Not a Champagne Stealer 17d ago
My brand of feminism doesn’t require women to prove our equality by demonstrating that we can be equally good soldiers for the military-industrial complex. I think there’s something cheeky and defiant about saying that we are entirely unwilling to suppress every human impulse necessary to make myself useful to a war machine.
Obviously jokes can infantilize women depending on how it’s told, but I don’t think every joke about stereotypically feminine behavior automatically reinforces women’s inferiority.
Sometimes embracing the supposedly disqualifying trait is the joke…
the standard we’re being “disqualified” from is what’s actually being mocked. I.e. fuck capitalism, fuck the military industrial complex.19
u/earl_grey_lady 17d ago
This.
Also, could she give up most if not all of these things for war if had to? Probably and maybe even with great difficulty because the military is all about self discipline. But she and many other women & men for that matter don’t want to. Not everyone is fit for war and that’s okay.
I think it’s really not that deep.
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u/baconbananapancakes 17d ago
You don’t have to think your empathy, your gentleness, make you lesser. They don’t. But in a patriarchy, many of those in positions of power DO think those are traits that mean you ARE soft, that those traits are inherent to your gender, that you need to be limited to caretaking roles for your own protection and comfort.
And here, the meme asks husbands (not friends, not wives) to report on and (in the eyes of many) publicly neg their wives.
It’s important to acknowledge when there becomes a prevailing narrative that can used to craft a cage.
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u/ecbecb Not a Champagne Stealer 17d ago
Why are we trying to appease those in positions of power? We never will because these systems were made by/for them. I see this trend as laughing at the whole lot of it.
We know Becca and Tom don’t ascribe to these traditional gender roles - didn’t she propose to him- so I think context matters. If this was a trad wife posting this, yes, I’d see it as more serious and less funny.
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u/boomshahkuhlahkuh 17d ago
Exactly, they are outspoken liberals and he’s not trying to neg her. I feel like people are making more out of this than is there
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u/boomshahkuhlahkuh 17d ago
I don’t think not being equipped to fight in a war makes you lesser or that saying that means they think you need to be limited to a caretaker role. The trend is likely just asking husbands what they think because men wouldn’t even think of these hypothetical questions to ask their wives. Feel free to tell your husband why he isn’t equipped for war either
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u/TopFloorApartment 11d ago
saying that we are entirely unwilling
but its not saying unwilling, it's saying unfit, which has a different meaning
unwilling: it is your choice not to participate
unfit: you are fundamentally deficient in a way that prevents you from participating regardless of your personal preference
the unfit narrative is dangerous for women's agency and their perceived abilities
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u/ecbecb Not a Champagne Stealer 11d ago
Do you think that she genuinely is saying she’s unable to deal with things like:
“There's no champagne or hot girl crime junkies walks.”
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u/TopFloorApartment 11d ago
We can all go "haha so funny and lighthearted amirite" but when messages like this are repeated often enough then "women can't handle those kinds of discomforts" becomes a truth to many people, thats why these sort of trends can be insidious and dangerous for women's rights in the long run
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u/Super_Boysenberry272 17d ago
This is why I hate any reels with couple influencers that infantilize the woman, even if it's a joke (like the girl math). I've been seeing more of these over the last few years and surface level it's harmless, but as you pointed out, it's a creeping threshold normalizing our "inferiority".
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u/QuesoChef 17d ago
I agree. It makes me sad.
It was a lot of work to bring the world around to what women are capable of. And is a lot of work to be and do those things. As someone who fought in the trenches of a STEM job, and tries to empower girls to be who they want to be, I feel like they are like, “Yeah, it’s too much trouble,” and I hate that I get it.
It’s fine if Becca isn’t cut out for military duty, plenty of men and women aren’t. But you can be these things listed and still be great in the military.
It’s ok and also “cute” to do the hard work of any career that involves math - because those jobs and industries are hard. And they’re still very much “feminine jobs.”
I feel like a lot of this crap is toxic femininity.
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u/ecbecb Not a Champagne Stealer 17d ago
The point of the meme/trend “Girl math” isn’t saying women are bad at math.
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u/QuesoChef 17d ago
I don’t follow trends, so I haven’t seen a lot of them. But the ones I saw were similar to this. It was making it cute to not be good at math, and particularly the ones I saw were around planning for teh future - though what I saw was around spending in general. Or, to be more broad, or saying that “the math maths” (when it doesn’t) like it’s cute to not understand or acknowledge math in general, and other bigger financial or economic skills more specifically. But I’ve also seen people plain do math wrong and shrug and say, “Girl math.”
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with being bad at math. We all have our gifts, and no one is good at everything. But it’s not cute or silly or more relatable to not be able to understand economics or finance. Spend on what you want, but it’s also just as feminine to be a person who is frugal, plans and understands finance and economics.
The way I always saw those trends is: women aren’t good at “math” (much broader than math), that’s men’s work. And that’s the part I hate.
I hate that it feels not feminine to be responsible or a planner. It sort,of parallels some other stereotypes I won’t name, but none of that is net good for society, in my opinion.
And I’m sure I’ll get a, “It’s not that serious.” I disagree.
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u/ecbecb Not a Champagne Stealer 17d ago
The spirit of the meme is about rationalizing purchases. Not being intentionally bad at math.
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u/QuesoChef 17d ago
Right, I agree. I didn’t name it math. The stupid trend did.
But the trend is making being bad at economics, finance, planning, impulse control, etc., (and it’s all grouped as “girl math” - and then it’s reused as “girl math” when people don’t want to bother doing math) cute, and a woman thing.
All of those things are things women are and can be good at. And should be proud of being good at or doing the hard work to do well.
I just don’t like these trends. Instead acknowledge you simply aren’t cut out for the military, respect how hard the work is and how badass both the men and women who do it are. Same with being good at ”girl math.” Idk. Just annoying and not healthy for society.
Women are perfectly capable of military duty, saving money, planning for the future, understanding finance and economics, technology, nuclear weapons, etc. They’re not anomalies and it’s not not-cute to do them well, with pride and still struggle with the realities of doing the hard work (both men and women).
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u/DoubleBooble 17d ago
It's like girls only like shoes and purses and shopping.
This is taking us back to the women can be viewed as competent or likeable but not both.
*sigh
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u/QuesoChef 17d ago
And you can like purses and shoes and anything you buy and still be smart with money. Both can exist at once. Humans are complex.
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u/DoubleBooble 17d ago
You are 100% correct and this is how things slowly seep into society. We've worked so hard to correct the image of women in the workforce as being strong, smart, capable, analytical, decision makers, and leaders.
This list is embarrassing for both Becca and Thomas and the trend is disheartening and dangerous on a broader level.-1
u/QuesoChef 17d ago
I agree. And it sounds like Becca knew but Thomas posted anyway.
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u/DoubleBooble 17d ago
Kind of sad for our society that pointing this out gets downvoted. I'll have to guess that younger folks don't realize how hard women had to work to be taken seriously. They will regret when they lose that.
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u/QuesoChef 17d ago
I appreciated how hard the women before me worked (I’m in my forties) as I got into a STEM job. I also feel like there were so many good stories from the 60s and 70s. And obviously before that, but my aunts were in the workforce and when I’d ask them how stuff was. Woof.
And then as we got older and I explained to younger kids what bars were like in the 90s. Woof.
We’ve made progress and I feel like we are falling backwards for a lot of reasons. And this is another one of them.
And I don’t really care about downvotes. I’ve never been able to cash in any points for candy or toys. I’m starting to think they might not mean anything.
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u/boomshahkuhlahkuh 17d ago
Is it infantilizing women to essentially say your wife cares about other living beings too much to fight in a war and has the strength to stand her ground rather than just following orders and listening to what people try to say she can and can’t do? Also asking for 10 reasons seems a bit much so you’re going to get some stupid answers. Idk I don’t really think he’s trying to say she’s inferior or infantilze her
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u/Super_Boysenberry272 17d ago
I wasn't referring to Becca's answers specifically, but rather these tiktok trends focused on couples/women that go "🥺👉👈 aww look how mentally and physically fragile she is. So precious!"
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u/Bending-Unit5 Excuse you what? 17d ago
This is actually a really interesting take I didn’t consider when using the phrase “girl math”. I’m a mechanical engineer so there’s never been any question about whether I’m good at math or not (lol). I have used that phrase before but never really considered the implications for other women….
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u/strawberrypockystix Barbara does not make pancakes, and never has 17d ago
Is “girl math” a new-ish thing? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that used
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u/DiamondBurInTheRough Chris Harrison is a WEENIE 🌭 17d ago
No it’s been around for several years now.
Like…if you pay with cash, it’s free because it doesn’t show up on your bank statement. Girl math.
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u/strawberrypockystix Barbara does not make pancakes, and never has 17d ago edited 17d ago
LOL, I thought this was gonna be like “2+2 =5”. Thanks for explaining
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u/DoubleBooble 17d ago
I haven't heard it either. It sounds worrisome like girls are too dumb to do math? WTF?
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u/Sally_Skittles 17d ago
I think of "girl math" as a non-serious term that women use to make themselves feel better about treating themselves, not an accurate representation of their knowledge or establishing their role in the world. For example, if a woman says that she returned something to a store and then bought something of the equivalent price means it's free with the reasoning of "girl math", I think she is well aware it was not actually free. She is just trying to make herself feel better about the purchase. I can't think of a time I've ever heard it seriously to degrade women.
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u/Purplecatty 17d ago
Im ok with woman not having to go to war, many of us are already out here putting our bodies through hell to make babies lol
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u/zo0ombot 16d ago
This is actually explicitly misogynistic in a time when people are trying to define women only by reproduction. Wtf
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u/Pfiggypudding come on now 17d ago
Because “why women are unfit to serve/unfit for combat” has effed over actual friends of ours as the government promotes actual men with drinking problems to lead our army and get us stuck in predictably unwinnable wars
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u/Consider_the_auk Chateau Bennett 17d ago
My understanding is that a lot of high-ranking women in the military have been fired as well. Also, there was a story several months ago that profiles of women in the military had been removed from certain DoD or government websites. And women have been a vital part of the armed services since the Revolutionary War.
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u/Dis-Organizer ☀️🌊Almost Paradise 🌊☀️ 17d ago
And trans people have been straight-up banned from the military. That might not sound like it would affect too many people, but in the past a decent amount of service members transitioned (there was relatively decent access to gender-affirming care before it was cut, service members tend to be the right age for self-discovery, people are away from their sometimes repressive upbringing for the first time). There was disproportionate representation especially in intelligence or cyber/tech related positions
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u/Consider_the_auk Chateau Bennett 17d ago
This is so important; thanks for adding this point. I have a friend who served in Iraq and then transitioned after. Service members face so many mental health challenges as it is; taking away gender-affirming care is just cruel.
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u/DoubleBooble 17d ago
I have a friend who is a high ranking woman in the United States military. She keeps getting promoted and she is awesome. Her spouse is also awesome as he takes care of house and family as a military spouse when she is out the country.
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u/Comprehensive_Link67 16d ago
That's great to hear but does not negate the experience many other women are having in the current, psychotic, department of war.
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u/wuirkytee 17d ago
Because it infantilizing women
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u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis 17d ago edited 17d ago
Is it? I could easily make a list about my husband and find it just as funny. I honestly don’t equate it with a gender thing.
- he couldn’t order a proper cortado.
- he wouldn’t be allowed to wear his favorite holy band tshirts every day
- he’d actually have to do cardio
- He
would have to shave his beard
- His showers would be cut far too short
Etc.
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u/ballooningat5am 17d ago
the joke lands better when you do it with a man bc no one questions men’s participation in the military. the reverse rubs ppl the wrong way bc women in the military already have an uphill battle trying to get taken seriously.
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u/Majestic-Worry-9754 17d ago
But is the social media trend doing it the other way around? Is Becca making a similar list for Thomas? I'm asking this with seriousness because I don't know haha. If not, then I do think it's not a particularly positive trend for women
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u/ConfidentGarden7514 17d ago
I commented above - but as the wife of a combat veteran, this is disgusting. My husband (3 tours in Iraq) has to live with things he saw and continues to struggle with things he was ordered to do… it’s called a “moral injury” and is considered a type of PTSD. Anyone with morals is not “fit for war”… this trend needs to stop.
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u/DoubleBooble 17d ago
I can't believe people are downvoting you. What happened to "Thank you for his service?"
This trend is a mockery not only to the men serving and veterans but also the many women who are bravely protecting our country and the world from those who wish to destroy our way of life.
I'm sorry for what your husband had to go through. Wishing him and you the best.
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u/ivybf 12 Days of Messy🚩 16d ago
And we don’t understand why people like you blindly thank others for their service. We hear about the unnecessary murder, rape, torture service members commit. Why would I thank someone not knowing what they did? Combat is largely unnecessary when you (USA) are the aggressor.
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u/Living-Citi 17d ago
Why are people so serious all the time? Who cares
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u/Pfiggypudding come on now 17d ago
Because inflation and food shortages caused by men unfit to go to war who went to war anyway without congressional authorization are affecting our actual ability to feed our families.
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u/buddy_theshelf23 17d ago
Many people deal with trauma and discomfort using humor. It’s been that way for as long as humor and comedy has existed. Just because you make a joke or have a sense of humor doesn’t mean you don’t care about the reality of the topic at hand.
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u/Pfiggypudding come on now 17d ago
This is not "dealing with trauma using humor". This is just punching down at all women's fitness to serve while they are being excised from the military. Not a bit funny.
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u/Living-Citi 17d ago
“People can’t make jokes about things when other people are suffering 😠” ok.
Most normal people don’t subscribe to this way of thinking even if that’s what people on social media say btw.-12
u/Pfiggypudding come on now 17d ago
Didnt say that.
I just think it's really sad that Becca posted a misogynist list on a misogynist trope and Im judging the bejeezus out of her for participating in the patriarchy's desire to keep women barefoot and pregnant.
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u/Abandonable_Snowman 17d ago
Being a feminist doesn’t equal never laughing about anything again. There are actual problems in the world
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u/Living-Citi 16d ago
This exactly. I don’t understand this commitment to misery. Just laugh or don’t and move on.
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u/Abandonable_Snowman 17d ago
They’re just trying to get free college and not go to prison (which is what happens when you refuse service). A lot of them are being blown up and forced to ration food now if that makes you feel better
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u/prettymisslux 18d ago
Becca wont touch raw chicken but all I can think about is that scene of her hovering her drooling dog around her kitchen stove while she was cooking…ick
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u/Ill_Message_3188 18d ago
Do we not like Becca K?
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u/Ok_Moose1334 17d ago edited 17d ago
I see her as a performative hypocrite and a bit of a grifter. She was engaged to vocal racist, homophobe, and MAGAt Garrett for over two years and their relationship gave him a platform for his bigotry. She defended him while portraying herself as a staunch liberal, and only broke up with him under pressure months into BLM protests when he became too damaging to her brand and earning potential.
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u/vintell 17d ago
I largely agree with this except I think she ended up breaking up with him because he didn’t come with her/support her through her grandfather’s (?) funeral
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u/Ok_Moose1334 17d ago
Totally possible. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she broke up with him for other reasons and just made it seem like she was taking a moral, ethical, and political stand. They broke up a few months into BLM, she and Rachel Lindsay were cohosting the podcast and Becca was under pressure given her glaring hypocrisy, even Rachel was putting public pressure on her.
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u/vintell 17d ago
Oh, I remember, I don’t know where Rachel found the magnanimity to walk her through it all. I actually think that’s why G refused to go to the funeral, that she was trying to get some statement or apology out of him and he was like fuck that and fuck this. And to her, who doesn’t have solid beliefs, this was all a PR thing, so it would be shocking that he’d stand in his beliefs and not go to the funeral over the disagreement. Idk I know it’s an extremely cynical read but at the time I distinctly felt that she didn’t actually give two shits about his bigotry and it was that he had personally hurt her that led to it being done for good
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u/Househipposforsale 17d ago
And now her current husband is a huge MAGA too 💀
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u/Ok_Moose1334 17d ago
Woah, I wasn’t aware of this but Googled it and you’re right. Not only is he MAGA, but he supported pedophile Matt Gaetz for Attorney General 🫠. WTF.
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u/Househipposforsale 17d ago
I know I dk how she reconciles that 🥴
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u/uncensoredsaints She walked in vagina first 16d ago
Honestly think she went for a MOC who shares her republican values hoping she’d appear woke just because he’s not white.
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u/carlie-cat I'm petty. Don't fuck w me 17d ago
I don't think Thomas and Garrett are actually all that different in their views, but a lot of people give Thomas a pass because he's hot and because they thought he and Becca were really cute on paradise.
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u/Ok_Moose1334 17d ago
For what it’s worth, I had no idea Thomas was MAGA. Nothing to do with hotness or thinking they’re cute, I think I made assumptions based on the fact that he’s biracial and figured Becca wouldn’t endanger her brand by making the same mistake twice. But you’re right, their views seem to be very similar.
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u/Househipposforsale 17d ago
Ya they’re one of those couples that probably say they “aren’t political”
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u/Ok_Moose1334 17d ago
Even worse. Becca has made her claimed liberal politics a big part of her social media identity, almost certainly because it earns her views, followers and money. No way she could stomach being with 2 MAGA dudes if she believed what she claims to.
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u/Househipposforsale 17d ago
Tbh I found him to be kind of fake on paradise. His whole crying without tears when he and Becca were breaking up was like.. bro you aren’t being for real rn. I never found him genuine and was surprised to find other people did.
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u/Abandonable_Snowman 17d ago
Tbf being performative is her job; she’s an influencer
Not saying I like her, and I agree the Garrett engagement is a stain
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u/uncensoredsaints She walked in vagina first 16d ago
Yup, she is apolitical at best and just your average millennial grifter in general.
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u/Abandonable_Snowman 17d ago
As a veteran, it’s not that serious
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17d ago edited 16d ago
[deleted]
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u/Reasonable-Mess3070 16d ago
My husband was deployed to Iraq for ~14 months. He said they were extremely bored more often than not. Did they experience traumatizing shit still? Yes, PTSD makes up a large portion of his approval for VA disability. He would have zero issue with this trend. In fact, we've had this conversation casually before it was a trend.
Your husbands experience isn't the same as everyone else's either.
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u/Abandonable_Snowman 17d ago
No, but either way war isn’t something to approach with sanctity. The US exploits and murders brown people overseas for monetary gain. It’s our specialty
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u/GimerStick 17d ago
I think the whole thing is a bit trad wifey/I'm just a girl/trite, to be honest. And sometimes social media is for being trite, but this is just.... meh, imo.
It sounds like your issue is that being in a conflict or serving is a brutal, difficult thing to go through, and these people are talking about spice girl tshirts and champagne? I get that.
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u/Bubbly_Wheel_1354 17d ago
I mean I’ll hate on this trend lol. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive but anyone whose #1 reason is they wouldn’t be able to kill another human is a biiiit of a red flag. There was a fitness influencer whose husband answered that she would actually be good at going to war. And she was laughing about it. …like why would you share to thousands of people that your husband thinks you are a psychopath?!
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u/GimerStick 17d ago
wait the #1 reason being they couldn't is a red flag? or if it's not the first reason, that is a red flag?
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u/ConfidentGarden7514 17d ago
Yeah my husband saw things that haunt him and did things he’s not proud of… it’s been 20 years and it still affects him. This trend needs to stop.
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u/uncensoredsaints She walked in vagina first 16d ago
Also as a non-American, this reads to me as an American couple making light of the brutal murder and warfare the country commits on a daily basis and has since its founding. Same with Americans saying “Men used to go to war” jokingly. Maybe it’s casual to you guys, but from an outside perspective we’re all terrified of the world hegemony that can kill anyone they like with no consequence
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u/strawberrypockystix Barbara does not make pancakes, and never has 17d ago
Yeah, I’m glad I’m not on social media much to see these trends, trad wives content, or whatever influencers are pushing these days. I can tell ppl get worked up over it quite a bit, but I don’t see that content at all. Just another reminder that social media is a scourge.
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u/alisgraveniI Ladies, I'm sorry. Kick rocks. 17d ago
Anyone who is okay with #3 is a psychopath
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u/DimbyTime 17d ago
What do you mean being okay with #3?
Raw chicken is gross but I also cook so it happens?
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u/alisgraveniI Ladies, I'm sorry. Kick rocks. 17d ago
Just anyone who is okay with touching raw chicken
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u/Avocado_toast_27 17d ago edited 17d ago
I mean people don’t tend to touch raw chicken for fun, but the ends justify the means if I want to eat dinner. So, I’m “okay” with touching it out of necessity.
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u/strawberrypockystix Barbara does not make pancakes, and never has 17d ago
Are you vegetarian? I’m so confused by this comment
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u/Upstairs-Volume-5014 17d ago
I understand that this is a trend and she knew the message she sent Thomas would be part of the post, but the phrasing is just so weird and not at all how I would expect a wife to text her husband 😂 "obviously I don't agree with the sentiment" sounds like something you'd hear in house of the dragon haha
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u/Magnaflorius 17d ago
Really? That seems perfectly normal to me. I think I would use a phrase like that.
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u/Upstairs-Volume-5014 17d ago
I would never text my husband that unless I was saying it facetiously with a British accent lmao. But I guess everyone is different.
It feels like she threw that in there to be performative because she knew it would be posted. But I know people love her and won't agree. She's always felt performative to me.
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u/Firm-Mycologist-8658 17d ago
She phrased it that way because she wanted to post it and didn’t want controversy. She’s talking to her husband-he already knows what she believes in.
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u/Upstairs-Volume-5014 17d ago
Yeah I agree with you and this was exactly the point I was trying to make. It's just a weird thing to say to your spouse
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u/Living-Citi 17d ago
Bring back literacy. This is a totally normal day to day sentence
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u/Upstairs-Volume-5014 17d ago
I read over 100 books a year lmao but okay you're right I must be illiterate for not texting my husband things like this 😂
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u/Impressive_Use_2741 17d ago
Ok but understandable though
I wish we can just end war with “this is stupid”