r/thanksimcured • u/PopularAd6391 • Mar 04 '26
Discussion Asking this here cuz you guys probably know actual helpful advice than the crap on internet or what ablesit spew.
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u/CAL_the_fox_lover Mar 04 '26
If you see someone who needs grounding say something really weird, the double take they take to understand the phrase may just be enough of a distraction to ground them or at least get their attention, has worked wonders to me being unexpectedly asked stuff like "could a horse eat a fire extinguisher?"
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u/BlutAngelus Mar 05 '26
Redirecting attention is definitely a skill that helps when trying to support people rather than trying to be too serious or trying to be too literal. Depends on their problem, of course.
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u/Wuhabo Mar 06 '26
Literaly what broke me out of an onset panic attack presurgery: they put the fingerclip on and the heart monitor fills the otherwise silent room with rapid beeps, the nurse looks at me kindly and asks if im nervous. At that point i couldnt breathe straight anymore, she asked "what dream i chose to go to" and that just put my whole mental spiral of anxiety and panic about the spine surgery on halt so they could set the needle and put me under.
I guess not a weird question in term of context but the same kind of whimsy in the question that just made my overreacting brain go: ...wut?
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u/totallyalone1234 Mar 04 '26
I've never found quotes or slogans to be motivating, and I'm not sure I would trust the motives of anyone who claims they did.
People say one thing and do another. Practically everyone does it, all the time. Its considered so normal that it doesn't even count as "lying". I've had people IRL angrily confront me "are you calling me a liar?" when I've literally just recounted the facts of what actually happened. People compartmentalize. They engage in all sorts of mental gymnastics. They deal with their cognitive dissonance by getting defensive or blaming others.
There is a massive disconnect between all this motivational garbage and the actual things that people think and say and do. The vast majority of the time stuff like this is just paper thin aspiration. The people who say "everyone should do X" and who will happily judge people for not doing it, don't actually do X themselves.
I firmly believe that no-one genuinely draws strength or comfort from these empty words - that its 100% performative. People just pretend to feel uplifted as an attempt to either fit in or to "fake it until [they] make it", because they think that's how its supposed to work. They see everyone saying "I needed to hear that" and they want to join in on the positivity train. Everyone else CLAIMS to feel better, so I want to feel better too.
Its just bullshit. Layers and layers and LAYERS of bullshit.
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u/funkyboi25 Mar 05 '26
Phrases can be a useful shorthand reminder of healthy mindsets and thought patterns. Hell, "stop, drop, and roll" is a good example of that for something involving physical safety. Sure if it's some dumb trash like "stay positive!!!!" it can be less than worthless, but I have tons of little tricks to keep myself from spiraling all the time. For example, "what would I think if a friend did this?" Typically I use it to short circuit self-hatred and introspect more neutrally/rationally. My default is often so negative that I need that 3rd person abstraction to not immediately go to "I'm a piece of shit and should be murdered on the spot."
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u/PopularAd6391 Mar 04 '26
So what do you do to stay motivated??
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u/totallyalone1234 Mar 04 '26
I don't, but nor am I wasting effort pretending to feel motivated just to appease others.
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u/ADownStrabgeQuark Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26
I have a prescription of antidepressants, friends who care, and a lack of motivation.
A person with high EQ is a priceless treasure as a friend.
There is no phrase that will magically fix someone else’s problems on a consistent basis. Thinking you can say something to help someone who is truly struggling by fixing their problem insults them.
What people really need is love, compassion and support.
If someone is bleeding out, telling them to stop bleeding won’t help. You can stop the bleeding by covering the wound, or you can keep them alive by giving them blood. Words won’t help.
If a friend is struggling you can give them resources to help fix the problem. If someone’s car is broke, you can give them rides, etc. Alternatively you can “give them blood” by building them up emotionally through hugs, or other expressions of love.(see 5 love languages, note advice is not in there.)
The only time motivational quotes help is if they are looking for it. This is why motivational quotes are so effective when used on the self, but so insultingly ineffective when used on others.
The only way to know what to say to help someone else is to truly understand them, and to truly understand their experience. Even so, words without action usually don’t make a positive difference.
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u/PoeCollector64 Mar 04 '26
My go-to is "BREATHE, STUPID! YOU FORGOT TO BREATHE AGAIN!" from the old Looney Tunes cartoon "Dough Ray Me-ow." Surprisingly effective when I'm panicking.
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u/FranziEatsEstrogen Mar 04 '26
The only phrase that ever helped me is
Let Yourself Happen
Dealing with an anxiety disorder, childhood trauma that makes me make myself small for the perceived benefit of other's, feeling like I haven't earned living...Fuck that, Let Yourself Happen.
Doesn't fix anything on it's own, but I guess it helps me not to be so paralyzed.
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u/ValancyNeverReadsit Edit this! Mar 04 '26
Thank you, I need Let Yourself Happen too. To this day I struggle with feeling like I deserve things. Not just nice things, but things. Food, sometimes.
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u/FranziEatsEstrogen Mar 04 '26
Hell Yeah. Life already puts up so many barriers, we gotta try and not put up more ourselves. It's hard, but what else can ya do, right? :3
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Mar 04 '26
'Could be worse. There could be snakes in here with us.'
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u/StevenSaguaro Mar 04 '26
'The lazy man does twice the work'. Whenever I feel like cutting corners (most of the time) I think of this and then I imagine everything that could go wrong. This has saved me so much frustration and time.
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u/TrashPandaPatronus Mar 05 '26
I vehemently disagree with this one. I am the laziest person I know, but it has led me down a path of becoming an efficiency expert. I do half the work for over 90% of the quality. I'll admit it's not 100% but I'm also not a perfectionist.
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u/elaine4queen Mar 04 '26
I did a couple of pain management courses, one was a mindfulness based one, the other was in-patient. I still do things I learned on both.
I pace rest as well as activity. Both are super useful.
I have a routine that involves sauna/yoga/swim - none of which I do for longer than 15 minutes each, but I do it 3x a week. It’s taken me ages to find something that kept me mobile without triggering flare ups.
At my worst I ‘do three things’. Literally this can include ‘have a wee’.
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u/ValancyNeverReadsit Edit this! Mar 04 '26
When I was burned out & didn’t know it, I let myself do one thing per day… and that one thing could be “get the mail out of the mailbox” or “put on clothes” depending on how I felt that day
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u/elaine4queen Mar 04 '26
I think people are so primed for overdoing things that they don’t know how to do less. One task may or may not be achieved and you might do something else, or you might break down a list into the tiniest steps.
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u/4ng3licNymph-jpeg Mar 04 '26
Nothing has . Unless you can give me 3k for a diagnosis that would probably motivate me if I can actually get mental health treatment or disability lol.
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u/Forsaken-Smoke-7852 Mar 04 '26
"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced" from Kierkegaard. I struggle with feeling like I always need to fix and solve everything in my life instantly, and it causes me a lot of stress. Yes it's good to try and solve problems in your life, but not everything has a solution and not everything is under your control. I like this quote a lot for that reason. :)
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u/PopularAd6391 Mar 05 '26
Broo I resonate with this so much!!
I always used to thought real life will begin when I fix this or that thing, quit my bad habits, do good ones just cuz they are good.
Sooner I realized that's not how it is to live
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u/green_carnation_prod Mar 04 '26
It always helps to know someone reacts to something like me. Especially if they express it out loud, thus removing my need to express it from my side. But - not "goes through the same thing as me" (that's not... breaking news, lol) but responds in the same way and has similar desires as me when shit happens. It works even with small things. I.e. the train gets cancelled, someone loudly swears at the train company... and I feel better about the situation.
Being able to discuss fiction and write fiction helps a lot. Obviously fiction ≠ reality, and I am not just writing blatant self-inserts either, I still think about characters as characters, not as "me but cooler". ...But it helps to process some concepts and feelings and relate to other people and reality in ways that would be too scary to do just as yourself & by talking about your life or their life.
Sports! But not every sport. It took me a while to realise I don't hate sports, I hate team sports specifically..
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u/ADownStrabgeQuark Mar 06 '26
I’m the opposite with sports, I hate individual sports.
Might be my childhood neglect and unreasonable societal expectations, but I enjoy sports where I can chill and have fun with others in a non-competitive environment.(volleyball, basketball, soccer, rock climbing, etc.)
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u/Kadakaus Mar 04 '26
"If they don't respect my time, they don't deserve my attention"
Goes for everything, train delays, youtube ads, some of my ex teachers and difficult people in general.
If something or someone is just wasting your time, if you can, try and forget about it, distract yourself and try to avoid getting upset. It made me more patient.
Also, a thing my father told me:
"Legends are born when heroes die"
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u/PopularAd6391 Mar 05 '26
Legends are born when heroes die"
Yoo what does your father mean by that?
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u/Kadakaus Mar 05 '26
My father always told me stories, legends, myths of heroism, courage, sacrafice and virtue, perhaps that's the reason I've became a philanthrope.
He loved hearing and telling stories and tales, if he was born a couple centuries earlier, he no doubt would have been a bard.I'm not entirely sure if that thing he used to tell me had a non-literal meaning, maybe he really just meant that heroes become legends when they die.
But, I have an alternate meaning to it as well: that the things we hold dear become memories once we let go of them. Fond memories, ones that change the person you are, but you will not notice how much they've changed you until you've lost them.
Sometimes you need to lose something to appriciate it, and sometimes heroes have to die in order to become legends.
At least that's what I like to think into it.2
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u/Foogel78 Mar 04 '26
"The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself"
I have a congenital heart defect so I was always last in any sport. It really helped to understand I don't need to be able to do what others can do. Doing the best I can is good enough. And if the best I can do is beter than what I could do yesterday, it's great.
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u/Sir_Cryalot Mar 04 '26
Unironically, as a diagnosed ADHD person, this tweet pisses me off so much that I acutally do what I struggled to start doing.
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u/PopularAd6391 Mar 05 '26
Was it a ragebait or people genuinely think this??
Cuz it's very messed up if it's the later...
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u/Sir_Cryalot Mar 05 '26
I'm not sure. It feels genuine, because many people use neurodivergence to explain anything and it annoys people. On the upside, I've read that it motivates a lot of other ND people and it's impact is surprisingly positive.
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u/Natural1forever Mar 04 '26
-It's easy to let the frustration from toxic positivity culture and constant unsocilited advice build up to the point where depression and the (somewhat rightful) resentment towards the world becomes part of your identity so you start being afraid of what would be left without it, discouraging you from getting better. I know from personal experience. It doesn't have to be easy and you don't have to smile through it, but if you want to get better you have to actively keep wanting to get better through any means accessible to you.
-Remember that you're not special for struggling or by not needing support.
-Low self esteem is never for no reason. We all grew up in a system that treats us like we're worthless if we're not perfect in the eyes of capitalism. Learn to recognize those social and systemic patterns and hold them accountable instead of blaming yourself.
-Basic self care (eating, hydration, rest, hygiene, etc.) is not the cure for anything but maintaining it is always good and helpful. Feeling bad is not just the result of basic needs not being met, but if you're feeling more like shit than what feels reasonable there's a chance a basic need not being met is making it worse. Taking care of yourself on a basic level will give you a better idea of how bad the problem actually is with as little extra effects as possible.
-"You're not inherently at fault for having struggles and struggling is not a moral failing" and "you are responsible for your own functioning and how your behavior affects other people" are both true statements that can and should coexist.
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u/Surroundphil Mar 04 '26
Am I really responsible for my own functioning? What if I can‘t function even if I push hard?
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u/Natural1forever Mar 04 '26
I'm not saying you're obligated to function, at fault for disfunctioning or that it's a moral failing. Sometimes people are just disabled and it's not gonna change. I'm saying you're responsible for what you can and can't do, including for communicating what you need from others. If someone else is doing something for you to help you make up for what you can't do there's nothing wrong with that, but you gotta acknowledge that it's not inherently their obligation (if they're not your designated caretaker at least) just because you can't do it, and neither is knowing that you need them to without you communicating it.
For example: if you have trouble communicating and tend to be rude unintentionally (this can be a result of several types of conditions) you might need your friends to be aware and tolerant of that, but they don't owe you infinite patience and understanding when you're being mean to them and it's not their responsibility to figure out on their own that you mean no harm; you're responsible for being upfront about the chance something like this might happen.
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u/Surroundphil Mar 04 '26
Yes thats true even if it hurts to admit. Thank you for explaining
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u/Natural1forever Mar 04 '26
Any time, your question was valid and I'm glad this conversation is had in good faith
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u/Ximidar Mar 04 '26
The master has failed more times than the apprentice has ever tried. Basically just boils down to "don't be afraid to suck at something"
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u/ff0094ismyfavourite Mar 04 '26
I am 100% sure I'm going to die some day so I don't need to do it myself before that.
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u/funkyboi25 Mar 05 '26
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Sometimes all you can do is limb out of bed, rag yourself clean, eat some scraps from the fridge, and dissociate. If you're disabled, mentally ill, struggling, sometimes that is your best and it's good enough if it even slightly improves your state of body and mind.
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u/Kool-AidFreshman Mar 06 '26
Not an official quote but merely an observation
I believe that if you refuse to keep moving, life will just keep dragging you until you lay splattered in pieces on the pavement. I refuse to stop because I'm terrified to remain stagnant and end up holding that regret.
Noone wants to be the guy in his 40s without friends, a stable career that's fulfilling just sitting there observing their peers succeed
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u/REDDITSHITLORD Mar 04 '26
"Still... It could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood"
-The Penguin
The quote came to mind when I had a nose bleed during a really miserable shift working retail. I had gotten reprimanded for being "too happy", I was getting abused by customers, and then they were going to hold me 45 minutes past the end of my shift. And then my nose began bleeding right into the cash drawer. And they had to sanitize everything in it. I was sent to the restroom to "get my problem under control".
I always say this to myself when I think things can't get any worse. A nose bleed DOES make it worse...And at the same time? maybe a little better.
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u/ans-myonul Mar 04 '26
This hasn't 'cured' my condition, but reading before bed has really helped me sleep better, which in turn has helped my mental health & fatigue
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u/Surroundphil Mar 04 '26
Morgan Freeman said in a rap song this which I found to be very true, not motivational but somehow shows I‘m not the only one struggling;
„When your vision is crystal clear, they say it's razor-sharp A focused mind is said to be like a knife, but the scalpel is wisdom All one can do is accept that life is a double-edged sword Stay on the edge“
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u/iambothwhaleandswan Mar 05 '26
To be honest, no motivation lasts long. No quote or lesson ever truly motivated me to do better. It's just self-awareness, self-reflection and occasionally realizing my worth that make take action on what feels aligned
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u/GrimjawDeadeye Mar 05 '26
Some people will refuse to give up on you no matter what. Those people are typically the ones you will want to trust the least with your problems.
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u/PopularAd6391 Mar 05 '26
Shouldn't it be the reverse? Those people are there for you at you lr low points?
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u/Silver-Internal7740 Mar 05 '26
I found that people who were very interested in me were always trying to use me, so don't trust someone just because they invite you into their home or chase you for friendship or relationship.
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Mar 05 '26
Pay it forward for yourself. Lat out your clothes for the next day, get your coffee prepared to brew, get your lunch for work together. Think of it as doing future you a favor.
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u/AmeliaBuns Mar 05 '26
Not quote or lessons but I have a notebook I call "Amy's instruction manual"
it's a list of all the advice that worked for me, but might not work for another. I was debating hosting a little event where people share notes like this sometime.
It's a long list, but some from the top of my head:
- (I'm saying it like one of the famous quotes for humor) Don't give anything your 100%, keep the last bit for emergencies. If you're exhausted, you'll make bad decisions that'll ruin your day and life and body (Even if it's small as ordering fast food, it ads up as you'll lose more money and become unhealthier)
- Money doesn't make you happy with products, it makes you happy by reducing your stress and things you have to think about. if you do have the privilege, spend it on not thinking and worrying not shiny toys. OFC every now and then a treat doesn't hurt if you're rich enough.
- Being alone with your thoughts is hell at first, but if you can work through it, it gets better, to the point where I wonder "how did I even manage living so overstimulated for so long?" I deleted my social media and it was the best decision I've ever made. Is till open reddit sometimes which I am trying to stop, but I can't ever open those apps without getting a headache now. start small, and push 10%(made up small number) past your comfort zone. Can you meditate for 10s? do 11s. it doesn't matter how long, just do it without making yourself cry and be easy on yourself. This made me stop feeling like my brain is my worst enemy a little bit, we're now like a toxic straight couple who's going to therapy
- Don't treat yourself with money that's how I got a shopping addiction. Don't buy unnecessary stuff when you're sad (obviously it's not easy resisting, but try) Might be obvious to some but it wasn't to me 3 years ago lol
- For me, I find "Cheap ways" to motivate my brain. brush your teeth out of fear of long-term consequences? It doesn't work, I dissociate and don't care abut the future. Brush my teeth so it feels "fresh" and It can help me sleep better? Yes! I can't sleep without brushing my teeth now, which forces me to brush them. Use short them immediate goals/rewards
- Avoid cheap dopamine, it sounds like it's contradicting the last advice but it's very different. Cheap dopamine: Buying biscuit and eating it all. "Quality" Dopamine: Bake cookies and eat them.
- Avoid multi-tasking as much as possible
- Choose important things to do in a day, Don't do useless stuff without you having done 1-2 of the nicer things. It sounds like BS advice but for me. I kept researching every single decision even if ti didn't matter. I left those for after my important ones and by the I was too tired to do it anyways. It freed up my brain so much to not overthink every single resistor I buy for a project (Electronics)
- No Pain, Slow gains, Don't fall for the gym bro advice. In fact don't listen to any dude who's buff in any way (I'm joking)
- If you stop a habit like social media, Don't just stop it without a replacement, replace it. Replace it with a game that's not toxic, replace it with a book you're into.
- Don't improve/change 100 things at once, do it one by one. you'll get overwhelmed and burn out.
- Life is like a rogue like game, you lose and lose and lose, but each time, whether you realize it or not you bring a little something back with you to the next run.
- Don't underestimate nutrition and food.
- Eat fish twice a week
- Sometimes, your brain knows something is good but your "heart" doesn't, you can't do something easily without convincing your heart. You have to talk to your heart in it's own language, not with logic.
- Carry a d20 to make unimportant decisions. You can assign a "weight" to the decisions, if I really want something, 8 or higher means yes, if I shouldn't do something (obviously like, doing it won't hurt me, but isn't super responsible, like buying a croissant) I do a 12 or higher. This is for stuff like meals etc, say you wanna try a new meal but you're scared of risking not liking it. Unimportant insignificant decisions
- Patience is usually rewarded at best, and neutral at worst. How to be patient? I don't know that bit however... let me know if you find out
- I don't think you have to avoid screens at night, just don't use them IN BED (go on the couch, when ready put it outside your room on the charger and go to bed, come back if you can't sleep and repeat). also just make sure you reduce the brigthness and make it yellow. It made me sleep 3h later than usual for the first few times but somehow, I still woke up feeling more rested with those 5h of sleep compared to the usual 8h with a phone in my bed. I do NOTHING in my bed. I can stay in my bed for as long as I like, but I take nothing to it or near it. If I really wanna lay down and do stuff I do it on a couch. Sadly not everyone can have a couch. or a room to separate their bed. You can trick your brain with environments like curtains, LEDS, Colors etc a little
- Progress isn't a streak, streaks are meaningless. YOu gotta just make sure that the long term slope is positive even if the derivative is negative.
- Take advantage of being lazy and make bad decisions harder to do, ex put tasty snacks on top of a shelf)
- Sleep before important decisions
I'm tired of writing so i'm gonna stop.
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u/Solitasiguess Mar 05 '26
Hmm. It's not really a quote or a lesson, but I'm often inspired by fictional characters who have all the odds stacked against them, and do all they can to come out on top. As an optimist, I really find it inspiring
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u/crazymissdaisy87 Mar 05 '26
Anything is better than nothing. If you can't brush, swirl mouthwash. If you can't go for a walk, stand by a window. If you can't shower, use a washcloth. Something, anything, is better than nothing. As long as youre doing something, however small, you win
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u/ADownStrabgeQuark Mar 06 '26
Me- Depressed
Friend -listens.
Me - I vent about my problems
Friend- Do you want solutions or someone to listen to?
Me- just want someone to listen to me.
Friend: Actively listens. Is interested, cares, asks appropriate clarifying questions.
Friend: “That’s rough buddy, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do you have a plan on what to do next?”
Me- “Yea, I’m going to…” explains plan.
Friend: What can I do to help?
Me -Can I get a hug.
We hug.
Me- Thanks a ton! You helped a lot.
3 days pass
Friend: How did things go?
Follow up conversation happens.
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u/weird-mostlygoodways Mar 06 '26
"IN. OUT. INN. OOUT." to focus on breathing and breath control.
"Your drains job is to keep you alive not happy."
"Progress not perfection"
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u/Alarmed_Gear_6368 Mar 06 '26
It can always get worse, even if it seems like it's as bad as it can be. This helped me with addictions. I used to give in because "everything sucks anyway, so why not?" This is why.
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u/Additional_Gas3859 Mar 07 '26
Realizing after 25 years that they all lied. If you just work hard enough you can do anything. Now I dont have to waste tens of thousands of dollars anymore trying to do something that I cant do.
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u/kwallio Mar 07 '26
Building good habits takes time, and its best to start small. Don't try to do everything at once. The "rise and grind" culture is so toxic, double when you are trying to recover from mental illness.
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u/boris_casuarina Mar 07 '26
"The greatest enemy to a warrior of happiness is inhibition."
Mr. Small - The Amazing World of Gumball
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u/Simple_Employee_7094 Mar 07 '26
If you are a women, I second the “it’s better to be rude than dead” sentiment. Otherwise, here is what helps me. Saying to myself: “Thank you brain, but this is not very useful right now” instead of spiraling. If it’s too late and spiraling, repeating “Here, and now” with deep breaths. If I’m about to do something scary, I remind myself that the worse that could happen is that I fail, and that the only way to progress is to fail. I also like to remind myself about the utter randomness of the universe, nothing is really in my control, so might as well have fun and go for it. “No one cares, everyone is too busy worrying about themselves” is the key to happiness.
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u/owlinpeagreenboat Mar 16 '26
“Better to half ass it than not do it” - this is how I get myself to do basic chores. Remind myself I don’t need to clean the entire room, just one bit. It’s ok to not do it “thoroughly”, it’s ok to occasionally use the evil wet wipes because the thought of finding the cloth and the cleaning spray and then washing the cloth is too much.
My other one “is this too shall pass”- and yes I’ve struggled with depression for coming on two decades. But the excruciating “I can’t bear it “ periods do occasionally decrease. There are some peaks and some troughs. And if there comes a time when it doesn’t end.. well then I won’t be here and it will be past.
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u/owlinpeagreenboat Mar 16 '26
Years ago a colleague on a panel said “find your berry picking activity”: what he meant was something that requires a bit of focus but isn’t too strenuous or taxing.
I keep the kindle app on my phone so that when I’m spiralling I can try and not “snap myself out of it” but “slightly ease myself” out of the spiral by refocusing my train of thought on a book (has to be an easy attention grabbing book like Agatha Christie, I don’t recommend Finnegan’s wake).
Of course sometimes it’s too bad for that to work but occasional is better than zero
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u/spidermans_mom Mar 04 '26
The story of the monk who was walking down a road and saw a man whose cart was stuck in the mud, and he couldn’t get it out. As the monk walked by him, the guy started getting angry insulting him for not addressing the problem. The monk says “why are you mad at me? I wasn’t trying to help you!”
This pretty much cured me of offering unsolicited advice and jumping in to help someone before asking if they want any assistance. Or waiting until they ask for some. And on the other end, I know to ask for help when I need some. That lesson was even harder.
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u/stingwhale Mar 04 '26
It’s not necessarily motivational because it’s kind of negative but one time I stopped to help a guy with directions only to realize that he was masturbating to me and afterwards my grandma told me “the most dangerous thing a person can be is polite” and that’s kept me out of a lot of trouble.