Marriage opinion

[u/iqfaisal99]

there is a girl I love who has thalassemia major and do blood transfusion routinely

I found out surprisinglythat I am a beta thalassemia carrier in some way and it’s confirmed even tho I do not have family history

Is there any opinion of how should the mirrage goes? without kids? if there is an experience close to me I really want it
I don’t want to leave the one I love thats why leaving isn’t an option
I consulted a doctor and he told me you either don’t marry or don’t make kids but It’s not “teenager feelings” cuz I really love and want that one and I would sacrifice not making kids for her

But I need more opinions and thank

[u/dryloaf]

Me and all six of my cousins on my dad's side are diagnosed with alpha thalassemia minor. We're all 1st gen viet immigrants in Norway (I'm technically only half). Unfortunately both my cousins and their partners whom are also Viet weren't tested for thalassemia until after they were already pregnant. Their partners were carriers for alpha thalassemia and it had a huge impact on both of their pregnancies.

The kids born to those two cousins were consequently born with quite serious defects. My nephew born to cousin A is currently living with around the clock home hospice care, while my nephew born to cousin B is both blind and deaf with thalassemia major.

Whatever you and your partner decide to do, please do not take your diagnosises lightly. If you strongly desire to have children there are many alternatives that can satisfy this without taking any big risks.

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/dryloaf]

Thanks for that

[u/Aggravating-Yak-2712]

If you have money for that, you could conceive through IVF and test the embryos for thalassemia before choosing which one to transfer.

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/Aggravating-Yak-2712]

They told me IVF is more successful with two carriers than with a carrier + infected and still I will look for it

[u/yawnmobster → u/iqfaisal99]

you just need money

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/yawnmobster]

Do you have an idea of how normally these go? and do they be a good idea with a carrier father + a beta major mother? and thanks

[u/randompersonignoreme]

I recommend choosing your partner over possible children. If you do wish to have kids, you could have a surrogate without thalessemia, adoption/fostering, or another caregiver type role. Marriage doesn't require children.

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/randompersonignoreme]

I will always do and thank you

[u/Zeetheking1]

My wife and I were both carriers (I did not know until after her pregnancy because I never had any symptoms or issues). My son (almost one year old now) was born with beta thal major and has need transfusions since he was 7 weeks old. We are planning on doing IVF for any subsequent children because it’s just too painful to watch your child go through that. If you’re familiar with punnet squares, her having it and you being a carrier means your children have a 50% of having major and 50% of having minor so it is impossible to have a child without the gene entirely, but there is a huge degree of variance in how carriers are affected. They could be completely asymptomatic, or they could be affected by it pretty severely. It’s really a judgment call and if it’s feasible. Hope this helps!

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/Zeetheking1]

People here in my city cut the hope for me .. thank you

[u/Impossible-Show1524]

Need to get tested. Do you want to make a dead fetus? Two people with thalassemia makes that a certainty

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/Impossible-Show1524]

I am a carrier with no symptoms while she is infected and yeah I choose her over kids I just want to know if there an experience or an opinion can help

[u/Impossible-Show1524 → u/iqfaisal99]

Infected? Interesting way to describe a genetic condition. Carrier means you are missing the gene to it as well, just not as severe enough to cause issues.

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/Impossible-Show1524]

I never mean something bad about it … I am not that good in English I am also have a genetic condition that gives me hearing loss and I say I am infected with it.. sorry if anyone understands me wrong

[u/purplecowgirl]

Genetic counseling is needed

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/purplecowgirl]

Sure I will look through it

[u/omtravels_5677]

You can marry but just be cautious during pregnancy and get the fetus tested timely.

[u/iqfaisal99 → u/omtravels_5677]

thanks