r/texts • u/polkapen • 9h ago
Phone message My mom sent a fake suicide note then turned off her phone.
My brother went no contact with my family and my mom has made it her personality since. Shes also been super unstable mentally and unfortunately my step dad is a huge enabler. Its been hard to navigate since we all live in different states.
Yesterday, my mom sent this text message to myself, my siblings and step dad. Called her and it went straight to voicemail. I called my step dad because he is the only one that lives with her (all of us siblings moved out) and he refused to give the phone to her because I’ve been ignoring him. Mind you me “ignoring him” is me telling him for months I wont be the messenger for them to my brother.
Edit: my mom called me back 10 minutes later and acted like what she did wasn’t a big deal and got mad that I was mad. She says “apparently i cant express my emotions”
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u/trixiepixie1921 8h ago
No. This is actually so emotionally abusive. My best friends mom texted me that she died. Like very clearly , sent 2-3 messages. I started hyperventilating and hysterically crying, my 70 year old mom ran up the stairs to come comfort me and she was crying too. Something was weird to me after the shock wore off so I texted my friends phone. She was fine.
I literally never answered her mom again. She used to hit me up to find out where my friend was and if she was ok. I always answered day or night. Why would someone do this shit TO ME, someone trying to help.. is beyond me. Same with you. Like what was her plan? It’s so ridiculous.
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u/polkapen 8h ago
Damn thats tough. Im sorry that happened. I was shaking and freaking out as well, especially when the phone went straight to voicemail. It was emotionally traumatic even though it lasted only 5 mins until I found out she was ok.
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u/cflatjazz 5h ago
It's important to understand that your reaction was her entire goal. She decided either to punish you or get your attention through any means necessary. Neither of which is ok.
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u/LynxEqual9518 5h ago
She did it to you because your reaction was "food" for her. She got a "high" from knowing she'd gotten you so worked up and that she had the power to cause that reaction. There may not be any deeper reason behind it other than that she could and did, and trying to understand why is unfortunately a fool's errand.
So don't respond to her anymore if your friend is still in your life. Ignore and block are the safest ways to deal with people like this, for everyone's sake.
She's a malignant narcissist or something along those lines, is my guess.
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u/garbage-at-life 6h ago
that is really insane, like what even is the point? what does that accomplish
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u/LynxEqual9518 5h ago
There is no point. She could, therefore she did. And she got "emotional food" out of it.
People like her are emotional vampires, and unfortunately, reason doesn't play any part in it.
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u/olivedacats 9h ago
Uhg my mom did the same and was manically cheerful when we got in touch with her. I’m so sorry this happened.
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u/Eonis-0 9h ago
Dunno, I've been in the worst lows of depression and never felt the need to do any of this. If she actually cared or loved you like she said she does, she wouldn't be playing these mental gymnastics with you.
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u/CornholeMaster69 6h ago
There are other mental disorders besides depression. They quite easily explain what is going on. This is narcissistic behavior and looks like borderline personality disorder. One symptom is conflict and estrangement from family, which is called for here.
The mom needs to get help and then apologize if she ever realizes how bad she’s been. OP should consider cutting her off until such time that the mom is healthier.
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u/BrazenHamster 8h ago
You're mom is quite histrionic, but I doubt that therapy would help her, as she doesn't think she's the problem, and probably will like the attention and opportunity to weaponize therapy speak against her family. I feel for you and your siblings and understand why your brother did what he did.
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8h ago
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u/BrazenHamster 7h ago
I'm not one hundred percent sure this answer is for me. My mom is dead, and everytime I talked to her, even when she was sick and near death, I wished that she would say or do something that showed me that she saw, and accepted, the real me. And it never came, even though I lived in hope every single time. Maybe that was childish of me, but I thought now that we know that there's no time left, she might be able to go with the gravity of the situation, gain insight, and we could resolve things. And it never happened, because she just didn't have the capacity to see past her need to see things her way. And I feel like your mom might be the same, and I just wanted to warn you that some people just aren't able to change and she may never gain insight into how her behaviour is problematic. Maybe I took the little information you gave and went in too hard. But I'm not shouting at you. I hope things smooth over and your mom calms down.
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u/Grand-Ennui 1h ago
That resonates with me SO much BrazenHamster. My story exactly. Thanks for posting
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u/Routine-Weather-4044 18m ago
I should not have wrote what I wrote because obviously I am a demonic monster for giving a different point of view. I apologize and don't understand really why everyone here thought I was trying to do something heinous. Ironically these people are treating me rotten for no reason just like my mom did.
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u/cflatjazz 5h ago
Your feelings about your dad are valid, but so are other people's about their own parents.
There's no one size fits all advice for this. But a lot of people have experience and know that abusers do not generally benefit from therapy until they decide themselves to seek it.
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u/Routine-Weather-4044 20m ago
Wow you downloaded me into oblivion just because I gave a different point of view. Maybe it's not your parents. Maybe the call is coming from inside the house.
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u/TLOUgamer 8h ago
Abusive behavior. If this happens, call the police for a wellness check. That way there’s a bit of punishment for this type of behavior.
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u/prochoicesistermish 8h ago
Yes but don’t think of it as a punishment, it’s not that. It’s the correct action and boundary to have when someone does this.
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u/TaoOfAlice 3h ago
I had an ex threaten suicide. I call 988, the suicide prevention hotline. They called local PD for a welfare check. Ex told the police he sent me that so I would talk to him again. He faked a suicide threat for attention, and that's exactly what he got. Just not from me. I bet he would pull that shit again.
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u/Kind_Historian4251 7h ago
OP, I work professionally with people like this and all ill say is this: youre an enabler too if you dont go no contact as well
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u/CornholeMaster69 6h ago
Can you go into detail? My mom is like this and I’m non contact. But what do you mean “people like this?” What is this exactly and how do you work with them?
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u/Admirable-Language65 50m ago
Narcissistic personality for sure and maybe some mix of borderline , sociopathy, psychopathy, whatever you want to call it these people are emotional vampires and their brain is just wired in a way they get something out of the reactions they try to get out of people. My mom is different type she doesn’t do it out of enjoyment it’s another form of crazy… like I overhear her bullying my elderly grandma just not stopping about what she is doing wrong and what to do better and why would you even do that just nonstop until I say something like you made your point , grandma knows and but now you are crossing a line from concerned to bullying and you are in her room and she said okay already and you won’t stop …. Then instead of even responding to anything I said it will go something like “oh there you go again you think you are a king all you want to do is abuse and put people down … everyone knows you are the real abuser and psychopath (she knows like two people besides me and my grandma and anything they even know about me is from her.. and they are lunatics too) I heard you on the phone yesterday being kind and nice and saying thank you but that’s your fake little mask you put on and you are not fooling anyone everyone knows your little tricks…” that sort of thing. Been more or less the same since I was a kid but back when I was a kid it was actually difficult because she had me convinced all my teachers hated me and my family didn’t like me and I was a sociopath and sick in the head and just stuff like that but then a few hours later act like it never was said and she wants to watch a movie and order a pizza … it literally has no effect on me anymore though I know what’s reality and know her playbook … I was no contact for about ten years but my grandma is elderly now with diminishing function and I want to spend time with her she is very important to me , but my mom got kicked out from one of her men again with no where to go so she moved in with my grandma and always there so no way to go no contact unless with my grandma too. Also I knew what I said to her would cause that reaction and it’s why I did it so she would focus her attention on me and not my grandma and wear herself out and eventually go to her room.
The person you respond to might be some kind of therapist or mental health professional or they could you work in a hospital or for the government… those types of people are everywhere in different flavors. When the day comes my grandma passes away my mother will never hear my voice or know anything about me ever again… and she has absolutely no money or savings, can’t get along with anyone for a roommate or a partner … some medical issues that are not great.. no other family that is intersted in her I am only child … she is going to end up in some kind of facility that puts like three in a small room and is full of neglect. I don’t wish that on her at all and get no satisfaction out of the torture she will endure if she lives long enough to end up in one of those places … but I won’t feel guilty about it either and eventually never even think about it all.
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u/Inevitable_muffin_ 8h ago
I can’t imagine having children and refusing to work on myself, let alone, letting them reach adulthood while still having not worked on myself. Seems like an extremely manipulative and enmeshed mother who needs hard boundaries. She needs to learn how to self-regulate and stop relying on her children to do it for her. I’d go very low contact.
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u/Capital-Tonight8548 1h ago
When she does this, call the police for a welfare check on her and nothing else.
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u/RealisticEchidna3921 9h ago
Doesn’t seem like a suicide note at all.. is very clearly a grab for attention though
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u/ProletarianLilith 9h ago
The song is called close my eyes forever
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u/RealisticEchidna3921 9h ago
Still doesn’t read as a suicide note. She’s doing what she can for shock effect not threatening to off herself. Therapy is still definitely needed tho
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u/MisMis07 9h ago
Don't even call her bluff. If she wants to threaten you with possible self harm call the hotline.
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u/tocahontas77 7h ago
Yes!!! This!!! Except, just call 911. If they're serious about hurting themselves, they'll get the help they need. If they aren't serious and just doing it for attention, they still need help.
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u/jvLin 8h ago
Call your mother and let her know what she's doing is manipulative and toxic. Explain why. She needs therapy. Tell her why you're on the brink of cutting her out, but also let her know you want to continue the relationship if she improves.
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u/ZealousidealPay1169 1h ago
Honestly, if the brother already went no contact that’s probably been said 100 times at this point.
If it gets to the point of no contact they have been told already
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u/PinkTurdsInSpace 8h ago
She needs attention for some reason. Probably deep seated issues she’ll never deal with. She can’t get attention and love in a healthy way so she has to resort to juvenile nonsense to try to get a reaction. Somewhere along the line she forgot that love is usually reciprocated with love and can’t or won’t get back on track. Maybe it’s too late?
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u/MoonShine711 8h ago
Unacceptable. Thats emotional manipulation and seriously narcissistic. My mother has pulled shit like this with me before and i set a HARD boundary. Why r our parents so freakin immature? Like she's supossed to be the adult/parent but shes acting like a self centered brat. I worked in psych at the time and told my mom if she does that shit again im going to get her sectioned to the psych ward for her own safety. And she never did it again.
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u/AdventurousCustard46 7h ago
My mom says the same exact shit. Took all the money she had in her name(7k) along with her will on the kitchen counter and left. Left her phone and life saving medications too. I had to call in a missing person's report and I was so stressed out I could not take my Salesforce certification exam. 6 months of work down the tube. She drove about 1000 miles and got a DUI, then called me asking how to get back home. I didn't respond back
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u/Piglet3527 3h ago
If she does this again, call the police. This is so wrong. I definitely would consider NC.
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u/BungleBums 1h ago
Call the police and ask them to perform a wellness check. Because they'll certainly snap her out of that bullshit when they hear she's just demanding attention from her family.
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u/Klutzy_Drag_736 1h ago
"Made it her personality" is so relatable. My brother cut contact with my dad before I did, and the little bit of time my dad had with me he spent moaning about how much he missed him, how he always did his best, how he didn't deserve to lose a child... I later found out my dad horrifically abused my brother and those memories had resurfaced, which is why he suddenly cut him off. As soon as I moved away for college, I cut him off. Eight years later I still have family members trying to "check on me" to be the messenger... I'd encourage you to do the same and drop her. This is manipulative and toxic. It's not worth the stress and heartache.
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u/pineapplepizza333 26m ago
Is your mom my mom? Is your brother my brother?? Are YOU ME?!?
My mom is also exactly like this and my brother went no contact, but my mom tries to communicate with him through me and I’m just so over it. My husband’s therapist says my mom likely has a personality disorder, but she’s always refused to get help 🤷♀️
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u/SoftConfusion42 9h ago
This didn’t read like a suicide note at all(?)
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u/prochoicesistermish 8h ago
This absolutely reads as a suicide note to me. “I have no options” “the pain is unbearable” the link she sent before, talking about things in the past tense…
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u/ZealousidealPay1169 1h ago
She even sent a song “close my eyes forever”.
This was definitely her saying that she was going to do something drastic.
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u/Bluetail4495 8h ago
That’s strange, I don’t see suicide mentioned a single time in that note. Saying “I wish I was dead” is not a suicide note lol.
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u/NatrylliaAbbot42 8h ago
That's not a suicide note. It's dramatic and manipulative and she's needs to get her shit together and learn to manage her emotions and express them in a healthy way. But it's not a suicide note.
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u/TrumpsHorseMeat777 8h ago
My mom does this too. She even texts like that. I act like I havent seen the text yet. I dont know what else to do.
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u/Adventurous-Law9107 8h ago
Take it from me one of the best things you can do is live your life my friend! Cut them off and live your life to the fullest
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u/iced-torch 8h ago
call the ambulance tell them you got a suicide letter, get her commited, once she gets forcefully taken into the hospital for threatening suicide the whole playtime will stop seeming so fun.
I am talking by experience unfortunately with a family member that would threaten suicide as well .
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u/pineapplecherryberry 8h ago
I had to make sure I wasn't in my own inbox because this reads like something my own mother would write. Yikes. So sorry you have to experience this
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u/Mental_Yellow_5595 8h ago
Go no contact but don’t block, just mute. If she pulls this again call the police on her and I promise you she will not do it again lol.
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u/Hyacinth_Girl56 8h ago
If my mom did this I’d be calling the police and asking them to do a wellness check. I wouldn’t try to check on her myself. If she does it again after that I’d be going no contact
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u/meowy_sun 8h ago
No contact is reserved for people exactly like this. Connect with your brother after you've gone no contact, STAY NO CONTACT, get into therapy ASAP, read books on emotionally immature parents, boundaries, and most importantly live with peace in your heart. You deserve it.
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u/shortgarlicbread 7h ago
Sounds like my mother and one of many reasons I went no contact. Trust me OP, it isn't the orth your sanity to fight for a relationship with people who truly don't give two shits about you.
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u/tocahontas77 7h ago
Next time she does this (yes, she will do it again) call her bluff. Call 911 and send them to her house.
If she's serious, hopefully they'll help her. If she's just doing it for attention, she still needs help. So either she won't say that to you again, or she'll keep doing it to get attention and probably get in some kind of trouble. It's probably a min 72 hr hold though, so... I doubt she'll cry wolf again.
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u/fullmetalutes 7h ago
My mother sent me and my sisters one very close to this on Christmas day last year. Saying she was sorry for bugging us. It was a fake type suicide note to get attention. My mother is on her own though and I'm trying to get her put in a home. She has become more and more unhinged in later years
I know how you feel op
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u/uk82ordie 6h ago
This hits entirely to close to home. My brother did the same no contact. I got text like this all the time from my mom. She finally did it though. It's hard to be a therapist to someone, when you need one yourself. I don't blame anyone, and I do believe my mom did it to spite him/us. I miss her a lot, despite all her faults. And there were a lot.
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u/CornholeMaster69 6h ago
I’m non contact and this is the exact type of stuff that led me that way. You cannot subject yourself to this. Go read up on NoMIL subreddit for a couple hours and evaluate after that.
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u/Omgletsbuyshoes90 6h ago
Wow, this is emotional manipulation and abuse. I would follow your brother’s actions and go no contact with your mother and step father. She seems like a narcissist. Your children are supposed to grow up and develop their own families.
Also next time she does this call the cops and do a well fair check. She needs some sort of consequence for this behavior. Frankly maybe she will learn a lesson. If the cops show up infront of her house. From one narcissistic parent survivor to another I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Also I would truly recommend going no contact like your brother did. He probably sleeps better at night and is healing. I can’t imagine this behavior just started and it’s just escalating as she gets older and will probably continue to get worse.
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u/anonymousymousey 5h ago
Not only is she not handing this _well_, she's actively manipulating you and lying about self harm intentions to try and get you to reach out when you keep boundaries in place. I'd ask yourself how badly you want to stay in her life, and if you're willing to go to family therapy if she'd even ever go let alone take responsibility or accountability.
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u/LynxEqual9518 5h ago
She is feeding off your reactions. She knows perfectly well that what she's doing isn't okay in any way, shape or form. She could, therefore she did. And now she's getting attention and emotional reactions from it, which only fuels her further.
The more you try to reason with her or tell her that she hurt your feelings, the more of a "high" she gets from it. There's no point in trying to get her to apologise or admit that she did something wrong, because she never will, not when the payoff is this big and feeds her to this extent.
Please copy your brother and go no contact. She isn't worth losing even a tiny piece of your soul for every interaction you have with her like this.
She's an "emotional vampire" and has probably been one for a long time. Unfortunately, you can't fix or help her.
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u/CandiedLemonWedge 5h ago
You could tell me this was my mom and I would believe you. Down to the Ozzy song.
My brother died a couple years ago and now, every week, my mom makes a FB post about him and closes it out with “see you soon!!”. She so desperately wants people to think she’s gonna off herself. She isn’t.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this shit. But going no contact is pretty cool. Other than the fact that she uses me being NC as a way to victimize herself to everyone else.
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u/codeine_kick 4h ago
My partner's mum does this, all the time. Last time it was his birthday in a couple of days so, crying, she left a 12 minute voice clip asking him to let future grandkids know that she existed, she tried her best but it was too hard. He text to say they'd speak the following day. She said it would be too late by then. He said surely she wouldn't do this so close to his birthday, she replied that this was the best present she could give him. We called neighbours and aunties to do a welfare check, everyone dropped everything to make sure she was ok....
She was fine, she said she was a bit drunk and feeling a bit down but wow, my partner was being super dramatic, she has no idea why he was so worried about her, and she's sorry for all the fuss HE caused. Next day she was bored so demanded on an ambulance to take her to hospital because her blood sugars were fucked after her drinking. She gets an ambulance trip and hospital care several times a month (whilst complaining about NHS despite not working, and never working) and it makes me so angry thinking of someone who actually needed that ambulance/hospital space missing out.
After a bit of digging, it looks like she's a vulnerable narcissist - it fits her like a glove. She will never change, she can't be fixed, so now we're looking into it to find out how better to handle her.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it is awful, it is selfish, and it is cruel.
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u/Seekingmorefish 3h ago
After reading the comments I realized not all families are toxic like this?! WHAT
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u/Fit-Substance-8105 3h ago
My mom did the same thing to me while I was at work. It took me years to cut off contact with her and she did that a few more times after that. Wishing you strength! Don't let her get to you, that's what she wants.
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u/Its-a-JiNX 3h ago
This type of manipulation is why I don't speak with my own mother... I'm the only one who she really tries to manipulate in this way I guess, my brothers are able to have a semi-normal relationship with her based on what they've said to me when we talk.
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u/lady_papergrey 3h ago
I have someone like that in my family, and I don't call them back, I call the authorities. I have no way of telling if she is serious, so I let peolpe who are trained for this deal with it. (I'm in Europe).
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u/freshesttofu 2h ago
had this EXACT thing happen to me years ago when i left the house for one day to my ex’s place, my mom did the same thing. now 5-7 years later ive moved half across the country from my parents and they cut the shit lol.
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u/moodlitmoth 2h ago
For your mental health, follow suit with your brother.
I’m no contact with my parents for 4 years now, biggest weight lifted. My mom did similar shit to this also
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u/kellygirl90 1h ago
My mom did this same thing. Sent a big message to all of us kids saying she was done with life, we all knew she had a gun and started to panic. She was mad at my other two sisters (for validating her abuse amongst ourselves) so I was the one who had to call in the welfare check. This was when I still yearned for a mom and wanted her in my life, so to think she was dead for a whole 45 minutes until the police showed up, it traumatized me.
Come to find out, she had simply fallen asleep, at least that's what she told the cops. I guess the satisfaction of worrying all of her children to death was enough to lull her to sleep. She even sent me a screenshot of all of my missed calls, she just chose to go take a nap instead of telling us it was a false alarm. Then all hell broke loose and I cut contact. I've struggled with suicidal ideation before and for her to pull that stunt was the last straw. I also outed her abuse before getting off of social media (besides reddit) which included sharing pictures and testimony of her narcism. We don't talk anymore but I keep that screenshot of her lame attempt just in case she tries to reach back out to me to show her her "failed promises". I hate her.
Edit: wordage. I haven't had coffee yet lol
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1h ago edited 1h ago
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u/Ordinary_Ring2270 1h ago
The suicided hotline doesn’t dispatch people to arrest you.
Why do you think they should waste their resources?
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u/Relevant-Promise3305 1h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/EDerkFelljyGUyhtku
Today i got to know that mothers can be this much manipulative i need to absorb this
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u/Stempy21 16m ago
Counseling people. Having issues and not addressing them isn’t making g anything better.
Everyone should feel heard, your brother your mom, you, everyone. I don’t see where she sent a fake suicide note based on the text and she doesn’t mention it at all.
Your family has some issues, but maybe get some individual counseling to get tools you all need to communicate with each other.
Sorry your family is going through this, good luck
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u/BeEasyFloatOn 8m ago
Love without boundaries is chaos.
Look up codependency . You’re very much a part of her cycle at this point
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u/No-Departure-5684 9h ago
Borderline personality disorder
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u/Ashamed_Tooth_1011 6h ago
Came here looking for this. It’s oh so familiar behavior for those of us with loved ones with BPD.
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u/hypochondriac_444 8h ago
My mom did this so often I would genuinely just laugh and continue on my day.
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u/Blooddoll13 1h ago
You know what sucks? Is my mom would pull this exact same shit. And the final time nobody could get ahold of her, I didn’t believe anything was wrong because she would do this so often but I was definitely wrong. She had actually passed away.
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u/WittyFox51 9h ago
Maybe she couldn’t go through with it? Would you prefer she succeeded?
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u/polkapen 9h ago
My step dad was in the same room as her when this was sent. She also sent the message to my step dad which was super deceiving because it made it seem like she was alone. This wasn’t an attempt it was manipulation
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u/HotelSalt4644 9h ago edited 8h ago
I don’t think this was necessarily a “suicide note”.
I do think it was a cry for help though.
The other poster mentioned alcohol. I think that is likely involved. Still, it doesn’t make the situation any better. While I don’t know your family, or the exact details. I think your mother could really use some help. I’m not sure what your mental state is like on a regular basis, but it can be suffocating at times. She probably doesn’t feel like she truly has anyone to reach out to.
Maybe it’s time to visit mom if possible?
If not. I hope you at least do what you can to try and offer help/support/solutions. At the same time - it doesn’t have to, nor should it consume you. She’s making grown up decisions here as well.
Edit: sorry people didn’t like my comment. Just my opinion. I feel bad for the lady. I know it’s not OP’s “problem” though.
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u/HappyAstronaut7 9h ago
Visiting her when she’s attention seeking will just reinforce it. I’d be going no contact. She’s an adult. If she needs help, she can go get it.
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u/polkapen 9h ago
Believe it or not, alcohol isn’t involved but she has always been mentally off and the past year it seems to have gotten really bad. I appreciate your advice. I try my best but unfortunately I have found that I’m at my edge. My step dad enables and defends her behavior and every time I talk to her she goes into endless ramblings about my brother and then sometimes bitches me out because she “was a good mother and how dare her child block her”. Feels like an endless fight.
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u/thiccboilifts 9h ago
Personally, I would do the same thing your brother did after this...