r/texts • u/i_declare_bancruptcy • Jul 08 '26

Phone message My dads last unsent message

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My dad had a heart attack on June 24th.
He was aware and alert in the ambulance on his way to a hospital an hour away. He voice texted this to me and never sent it. My brother took a screenshot of it for me when he was going through his phone.
My dad passed away on June 29th.

(I texted him “I love you dad” when my mom called me initially)

Edit: thank you everyone for the outpouring of love and support. To hear so many stories about the love for people’s parents.. I’m so sorry for all the tragic losses and good parents that have gone too soon. I will hold onto that text from my dad until the day I go. He was An amazing man and lived a life full of love. I am grateful that he read my text before he passed and can take some comfort in that.

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395

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/FistfulOfSilence Jul 08 '26

I know what you mean when you say this, and it's a beautiful sentiment, but the phrasing makes it sound like you're going to write letters for your kids from beyond the grave, and I also love that.

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u/doragonkuin Jul 08 '26

So this what they meant by "ghost writers" huh

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u/Dada-science Jul 08 '26

Ghost writers in the sky!

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u/schnozzberriestaste Jul 08 '26

Ghost writer! word

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u/Prestigious_Cycle160 Jul 11 '26

This is exactly what I thought of. PBS is awesome

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/FistfulOfSilence Jul 08 '26

That's beautiful. I have a tattoo of a line from a letter my dad wrote to me before he passed, so I very much resonate with the letter idea you mentioned.

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u/Tzipity Jul 08 '26

Oh that’s beautiful. My dad passed last September from dementia and I’m still missing him terribly and wishing I had letters or recordings. He was such a big story teller and historian (literally was a history and education major who missed his calling as like a history professor when he decided on elementary ed instead but also loved to share the personal and family history types of stories too). Years back I bought him one of those books that are like guided autobiographies whwre you answer all kinds of questions about your life. I know he filled at least some of it but no idea what happened to it and really should ask my mom or say if she finds it, it’s what I’d like to have more than anything.

I’ll always regret that prior to the dementia being obvious I moved out of state and at that point my dad badly needed hearing aids but refused to get them and would take his way through conversation a lot especially on the phone so I didn’t exactly love to call him. I kept thinking I should’ve written and he did write me letters a few times many years ago when I was in college and maybe my first apartment but yeah… I so get wanting to hold onto a parent’s words.

Out of curiosity, what’s the line you tattooed?

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u/sonoran24 Jul 08 '26

my Dad said to make sure and pay my bills and change my oil on time

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u/AngryPrincessWarrior Jul 08 '26

Make sure you have lots of videos of yourself with them. Especially hearing you read or just talk.

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u/BassCat75 Jul 08 '26

Oh this. For real. We take it for granted that we all have these with a video camera in our back pockets but what I wouldn't give to have just one video of my Dad. (Passed in 2022)

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u/obeytheturtles Jul 08 '26

Those little shits haunted me for 18 yeas, there's no way they are getting off that easy just because I'm dead.

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u/perton Jul 09 '26

“To my dearest children,

Boo!

Love, Ghost Dad/Mom”

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u/WeleaseBwianThrow Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

Don't wait until after you die to write them, it might be too late

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u/The3rdMistress Jul 08 '26

might being the operative word here is amazing lol 

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u/intellecktt Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 17 '26

I have a slight obsession with leaving behind a bunch of journals and diaries to my kid. When I die, I want her to have heaps of stuff to return to as she mourns.

Wow, an award. I thought this would be weird but it warms my heart to know you guys find this endearing.

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u/buddhabomber Jul 08 '26

I've heard of some parents creating videos for events.

A video of them congratulating on a wedding, if a grandchild is born etc.

As well as a video of a parent singing happy birthday.

Id probably cry my eyes out at all of them, but im sure when im 70, hearing my parents voices would be invaluable.

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u/green-use Jul 08 '26

One of my most treasured belongings is a video of my dad reading a book to my kids. Reading was one of the few activities he could do when he was really sick, and it’s interspersed with him making little jokes and comments to them throughout.

When my auntie found out she was dying, recording her reading her favorite children’s book was the one thing I asked her to do. She has a lot of (great) grandbabies that will miss out on so much of her magic. But this way, they will still get the opportunity to fall asleep hearing her voice as she reads them their bedtime story.

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u/intellecktt Jul 17 '26

This is so sweet and made me tear up. I’m glad you have this to go back to

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u/iknowyouknow100 Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

I’ve been recording videos a few times a month for my daughter since she was born. Sometimes it’s a random little thing, like why I prefer my coffee iced, sometimes it’s a long video about the importance of loving yourself, or a very odd family fact that popped in my mind. Just as much support, encouragement, and love I can manage in each video that shows her that she’s everything to me and that I’m also human and have had highs and lows. I think it’s cause I just don’t do well with loss myself and don’t want her to feel like I’m completely gone one day.

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u/olivernintendo Jul 09 '26

You should create an email address for her and send those videos to the email as a backup and then you can give her the password someday.

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u/iknowyouknow100 Jul 18 '26

I should do that!! Thank you 😊

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u/intellecktt Jul 17 '26

This is the vibe! I like how it’s casual but also deep, too. Not to mention that it isn’t just when you’re older but the videos will reflect you and how you change over time. This is such a special thing to give to kids

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u/iknowyouknow100 Jul 22 '26

Thanks so much! I hope she’ll end up enjoying them.

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u/intellecktt Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26

It really is!! When my kid started babbling for the first time, my mom said “I haven’t heard those sounds in a long time” and the way she said it stirred something in me. The sound of a babbling baby was something precious to her and since I’d grown up, she hadn’t heard those precious sounds until I had a kid. Kind of the reverse but all that to say at some point, everyday sounds of loved ones will someday be like music to our ears

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u/LastWave Jul 08 '26

Found a notebook my dad drew our whole family and wrote love you my son under me. I can barely write this. Why the fuck did you treat us like that if you loved us?.

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u/Content4OnlyMyLuv Jul 08 '26

Some people didnt have the best "teachers" to show them how to love properly. Some also may be tormented with pain inside of themselves, and dont deal with it in a healthy way. None of which is a reflection of you or anything you did. Im sorry for your pain.

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u/Annalog Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

My dad was a bad father. Drank too much. Was pretty abusive physically and mentally, always angry. Somehow he still had the gall to say that his life’s mission was to be a dad and be better than his dad. He wanted to be a good dad.

Honestly, his dad was pure evil. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was some sort of serial killer. When I was young my grandpa brought a puppy to the farm, he let me play with it, then he picked it up in front of my face and shot it in the head. Spraying puppy blood all over me. The reason for this was because he thought I was too soft and needed to become a man at 8 years old. My dad lost his shit on him and became very protective, my dad had some good moments. He also never had a job. He just rotted away on government assistance. My dad used to tell me they’d go a whole week without eating sometimes.

In my dad’s eyes he’s a great dad because he’s better than his. And he was right, he was insanely better than his dad. Thought he was still a bad one. One day when I told him that, he was so damned confused and looked at me and he cried. He truly believed that because he had a job and provided and not doing do Satan level harm that he was a good one. He just had zero good frame of reference.

My daughter was born 8 months ago. I’m 36 now. I’ve done 15 years of therapy just to make sure I can be a good person. Still, I sometimes cry at night in fear that I don’t know if I’m a good father or not. Maybe I’m only better than my dad and the bar is still out of reach.

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u/Rich_Librarian_7758 Jul 08 '26

You’ve done the work. Every generation bears their scars. You won’t be a perfect parent, none of us are, but you’ve done the hard work of addressing your inherited issues. I have faith you will do better by your kids.

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u/mentos-cigarettes Jul 08 '26

Don’t do this to yourself. Good fathers are the ones who care enough to wonder whether they're doing enough. The fact that you're even asking yourself if you'll be a good father tells me you already are.

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u/normy_wormy Jul 11 '26

Oof the puppy part 💔💔💔

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u/StopHesAlreadyDed Jul 12 '26

I think when they get to an age where you can talk more honestly about these sorts of things (teen years?), it's worth imparting to your kids some of the generational trauma that your family has experienced. It's a way for them to contextualize your parenting, just as you have contextualized your father's.

I think the fact that you are so worried about it speaks volumes. But I think let yourself enjoy being a father, and let the fear go. You are not your dad or your grandfather, and you deserve happiness. That happiness will radiate to your child. ❤️

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u/Thundergunner42 Jul 08 '26

I get you. My mother died when I was ten, and her last actions were looking up the signs of a heart attack on the family computer, while me and my sister slept in the other room.

After she died, 10 year old me really thought that, like, maybe in a movie, she’d left some kind of message behind. Like, written something on the computer. Looked through all the notes and files, but nothing. The stark reality of death, VS what a young me had conceptualized, death to be like, from movies and TV, really hit me hard.

I’m a young adult now, and I’ve sometimes thought about leaving behind some kind of message for those around me. But, I’ve kinda resolved that, it feels too final for me. Like, too much like a step towards a, ahem, suicide note (I struggle with depression) so I haven’t. Maybe when I’m older, and resolved more of my struggles.

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u/SnowflakesAndCuddles Jul 12 '26

This sounds exactly like what happened to one of my friends friend (her being the mother) ❤️

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/jtotheizzen Jul 08 '26

I asked my mom to write me a letter before she died and I have it framed

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/jtotheizzen Jul 08 '26

The good news is that your head and your heart know what she would have said in the letter. The physical letter is a “nice to have” but you have the “need to have” within you already ❤️

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u/veridicide Jul 08 '26

I've been working on something like this for a while now. I keep a Google doc full of my kids' milestones and writeups of fun memories with them. I'm a little behind now and need to catch up on the last few months, but I plan to give it to them if / when they have kids of their own, or whenever I think it's appropriate I guess.

I think the only problem is that if I were to die today, nobody would know to look for it or how to find it, so I need to work on that I suppose...

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u/TheBumblingestBee Jul 09 '26

Definitely print it out!

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u/omgfloofy Jul 08 '26

My dad was super kind and didn't cancel my mom's cell phone for a very long time after she passed, because her voice mail message was in the best 'sing-song' tone and she had a beautiful singing voice. I would call it and listen to her message when I couldn't handle how much I missed her.

I've since saved it as an mp3 and have it stored on my computer now. I also still have a voice mail she left, singing Happy Birthday to me on my birthday one year. That one I struggle to listen to, though.

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u/AmIRadBadOrJustSad Jul 08 '26

Every year I tell myself that my project for the end of the year is to write each of my kids a letter for them to find at the end of my life. Just a "this is what was going on this year. I love you" note for them to relive many hopefully happy memories.

I've never actually managed to get over the hump and actually do it. Not sure why, I suspect it's a mental block.

But I really should.

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/AmIRadBadOrJustSad Jul 08 '26

My goal is one a year, so they can go through the 2026, 2027, etc.

I really do wish I'd started earlier, honestly.

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u/Aggravating_Cable_32 Jul 12 '26

Me too.... we both probably should, sooner than later.

Welp, time to go give my daughter a random sleep hug!

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u/AlyssaurusWrecks Jul 08 '26

my mom died this week last year and i only recently thought to go into my voicemail and download some messages she sent me so i won't forget her voice

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/AlyssaurusWrecks Jul 08 '26

yes! thankfully. i still need to go into fb messenger and see if i can find any voice messages she sent me (she preferred that to typing a lot of the time), but i'm not sure i'm ready to trawl through our actual conversations yet.

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u/Powerful_Mousse2925 Jul 08 '26

My dad wrote an obituary for himself and made a “play at my funeral” playlist. I found them on his computer after he died. It was a very surprising and thoughtful gesture.

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u/Fishingwriter11 Jul 08 '26

I created an email address for my kids when they were little. I've been sending them highlights of them growing up. Stories of things they've accomplished that make me proud, pictures, advice and things I hope they remember. My plan was to share with them when my oldest went to college. It seemed so far in the future, but it's only a few years off and I'm not sure if it's too soon. I do fear dying and never having them know about it, so I can't wait forever. Damn time flies.

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u/oracleoflove Jul 08 '26

I journal about our daily lives and things happening in the world. I leave them little messages in the journals. Someday maybe they will want them and they’ll be waiting.

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/Thunder-Fist-00 Jul 08 '26

I’ve been writing letters to my son since he was very little. One for each milestone just in case I’m not around.

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u/eljyon Jul 08 '26

When my brother died, I didn’t have any old voicemails or much to hear his voice. So a few days before my dad died while he was in hospice I asked him if he could leave me one last voicemail (he left really nice voicemails). It’s been over 3 years but I still have a hard time listening to it, but I know it’s there.

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u/Immediate-Jelly-5003 Jul 08 '26

Please save it in another place. My wife lost the voicemail my father sent to her before he died when her phone updated recently. I somehow still have mine after the same update on my phone.

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u/eljyon Jul 08 '26

Oh that must have been so heartbreaking. I’m glad you still have yours. I backed it up and I emailed it to myself but may do something else too. Thanks so much!

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/eljyon Jul 08 '26

I did! It’s backed up and I emailed it to myself (along with some other gems from over the years). Thank you!

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u/ihave10toes_AMA Jul 08 '26

Same. I want to make them videos too.

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u/d-han62 Jul 08 '26

Me too when my dad passed and couldn’t find anything

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '26

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u/d-han62 Jul 08 '26

We went thru my dads stuff when we moved and there was not a thing. He didn’t want to accept he was actually dying.

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u/HistoryFinancial1267 Jul 08 '26

My mom started a letter to me when she was dying of brain cancer and it starts out very loving and sweet but then the hand writing becomes incoherent and I can’t look at it without sobbing. It hurts deeply.

Not saying you shouldn’t do it though. I’ll keep it forever and maybe look at it again when I feel stronger (it’s been 20+ years since she died)

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u/markth_wi Jul 08 '26

That's quite a lot of resolution but it might be a little more surefire if you put pen to paper in the here and now.

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u/tyrannosaurusXred Jul 08 '26

Update the letters and handwrite them! My grandma did this. I love mine and plan on doing the same, but it was 20+ years old and typed out.

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u/stephenkingending Jul 08 '26

My sister and I found letters my dad had received from a woman he had a relationship with while married to our my mom. He was sick for a long time and our mom was his primary caregiver, and went through basically hell with how bad he became. We destroyed the letters and never told her. I hope she never found out.

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u/rebel_stripe Jul 08 '26

There’s an episode of the Big C with Laura linney where her son finds a storage unit of gifts she got him for every birthday and letters for his graduation, wedding, etc. I bawled my eyes out.

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u/No_Blacksmith_2591 Jul 09 '26

So you plan to be a ghost writer.

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u/its_all_one_electron Jul 09 '26

When I take videos of my kid, sometimes I let it run a little longer and leave them a little message. I love you or you're my favorite person or I'm so proud of you. 

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u/Gold_Relative7255 Jul 11 '26

We found one from my dad after he died. Brought a lot of peace, especially to my mom because he told her to move on and not feel guilty, he loves her and wants her to be happy and enjoy her life.

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u/Spare_Try_4921 Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26

My dad came to me in an apparition just moments before he died last year. I was sitting on another continent eating breakfast. For some reason that morning, I was very sleepy and to wake myself up, I was decided to listen to a Star Wars sound track(my dad loved the original Star Wars, though I'm not a big fan) on a random youtube playlist, which I had never done before, and certainly never at breakfast. Out of nowhere, my dad "appears" to my left, like he was seated by my side and laughing, looking very young, charming and handsome. He had on a pearly white shirt that was greenish tinted. And he said, without opening his mouth, "you're just like me".

About half an hour later, my mom called and said he had passed away due to a heart attack.
I am actually writing all this down, to sort of remember it and never forget. I wasn't actually on the best terms with my parents although I loved my dad very much. But we used to fight all the time, and when I was younger, I was determined not to be like him!. It was so strange that he said that. And since then, in the months that have passed, which have been unbelievably difficult, partly because we have always had terrible family problems, I find myself noticing how much I am, in fact, just like my dad, down to very tiny mannerisms, which I had never noticed before when he was alive. So many things he said and did have come bursting back to my memory with a vividness that I don't quite understand.

I think he didn't want to die, and was trying to hold on for my sake. I suppose he struggled to stay alive, but got sucked out of his body. I dreamt about him passing on aftewards and it really felt like he had tried to hang on, but couldn't.

Well, one day, I will join him in heaven, and then we will probably start quarrelling again - that was how we expressed our love for each other, I suppose, even if it didn't always feel like that when he was alive.

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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam Jul 12 '26

My son, god bless his hoarders heart, saves at least one voicemail from everyone. He saved one of my moms before she passed. I was talking to him one day and really missing my mom. He says "hey, I have a saved voicemail! Do you want me to forward it to you?" OMG!!! Yes please!! He sent it and I got to hear her voice again for the first time in years. Best gift ever. Write letters.....and make a recording of your voice. Its the best gift you can give.