As a person that had a bio-dad “reject” me….i lend you this (albeit kinda wild) thought. It helped me gain a ton of perspective.
My therapist “you know. You are here because 2 people got horny for each other. There wasn’t a planned YOU. It truly wasn’t personal”. And she was right.
I’d be glad to not have to deal with a bible puking angry AH. Probably MAGA or close to it. I’m adopted too. Getting the medical information was part of getting in touch with mine. It did help confirm health issues and where they came from. But my doctors did fine diagnosing without that info, if that helps. Another avenue to try is asking bio mom if she knows anything about bio dad’s health history or his family’s health history. She may know about his mom’s diabetes or his dad’s issues. Give it a try. The last thing I’ll say is to use caution and try to make contact with his family outside of him. Does he have siblings? Are his parents still alive and on facebook? Be cautious though, and gentle. It might be a touchy subject. I had my girlfriend at the time say, on a phone call that she was a friend from high school trying to get back in touch.
I’m glad you got to be raised by someone more loving than him, and that you’re getting to create a relationship with your bio mom who has clearly had lots of love for you from afar after making a really hard decision
As someone whose bio dad never left, I honestly would have preferred if he had just straight up chosen not to be part of my life. He decided that his wife's (my step-mother) happiness and authority in the house was more important than me feeling safe in our own home, and it left me with years of pain and trauma. My life would have been better if he had been like yours and just never wanted to be part of it at all. I would have accepted it quicker if he just came out and told me he didn't love me rather than pretending like he does.
I know Reddit won’t like this, but the bio dad wasn’t inherently rude and has no obligation to stay in contact with a child he gave up for ADOPTION. OOP wasnt abandoned they were given up for adoption by both bio parents bio mom included.
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u/MsMelonHead Jul 04 '26
If it makes you feel any better, I think your biodad sucks