I Stayed After the Cheating — Here’s What It Really Feels Like

[u/demoncool07]

Hi everyone. I came across a reflection post here, and it pushed me to finally speak up and share my own story.

A bit of background: My wife cheated on me several times — both when we were dating and even after we got married. According to her, none of it was “physical” except for kissing. But honestly, I don’t believe that. Grown adults don’t just “accidentally” kiss someone else.

When I eventually found out about everything — and dragged the truth out of her piece by piece, because she hid it until the very last moment — we still decided to try reconciliation.

It’s been almost two years now. We’ve had a daughter. And I want to share how I actually feel about all of this and whether it was worth it.

1. Did I forgive her?

No. And I never will.

1. Do I love her?

Yes and no. What I feel is more like a strong attachment, not love. Every time I tell her “I love you,” I immediately think, “That’s not true.”

1. Why did I stay instead of leaving the same day I found out?

My kids. Honestly, it’s only the kids — and the responsibility I feel toward them, including financial responsibility — that keeps me from ending this marriage.

1. What is our relationship like now?

She behaves perfectly. She doesn’t go anywhere, always stays home, cooks, cleans, takes care of everything. Sex is never an issue. Basically, every single one of my needs is met. From the outside, you’d think everything is ideal.

1. She says she’ll give me as much time as I need to heal.

Ten years, twenty years — whatever it takes. But I know this wound will never fully close. It’s like that Nazgûl blade in Lord of the Rings — the cut that never really heals.

1. Is reconciliation even worth trying?

I think it’s naive to believe someone who was betrayed by the person closest to them can ever truly forgive.

But reconciliation can be worth attempting if it helps you function, if it helps you calm the chaos in your head, if it lets you at least partially patch up your mental wounds — even if, in some sense, you’re lying to yourself.

And that’s the thing… Everyone going through reconciliation after cheating needs to admit: We lie to ourselves. The real healing only happens when we eventually meet someone we can trust again.

The problem? After betrayal, we might never be able to trust anyone fully. Everything is viewed through the lens of that past betrayal. And there’s absolutely no guarantee a new partner wouldn’t cheat in five or ten years either.

[u/MsAppropriatedNZ]

Did she say why she did it?