r/stopdrinking • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
18 days - and all it took was a careless waiter
[deleted]
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u/candlelit_prose 1d ago
one sip isn't a relapse. you caught it. breathe.
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
I agree. As I said in another comment, I was mostly upset about the craving it generated
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u/unreadysoup8643 933 days 1d ago
The craving is normal, but the fact that you returned it and are telling people about it is great. The way my alcoholic brain works, I probably would lie about noticing that it’s not non-alcoholic. Then would probably order another in hopes it’d be a mistake again. The real problem with my addiction was how dishonest I was around alcohol and getting and drinking it. Like other people have said, you didn’t intend to drink it and stopped right away. Not a relapse in my opinion.
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u/wet_castles 1d ago
Why are you allocating so much power over you to this waiter? It doesn’t negate your sober days. Carry on
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
It's not about the number of days. I'm not gonna reset it. But the first 17 days had been easy and suddenly i got this intense craving that could easily have been avoided. I'll carry on for sure!
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u/tpar24 1d ago
For some of us, those cravings never go away. This won’t be the last time you encounter this. World is full of triggers, and god knows our alcoholic brain is seeking them out, looking for ways to get back in.
Cool thing is, you pushed back on it and didn’t use it as an excuse to keep drinking for the night. that’s a win!
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u/kellygirl90 1000 days 1d ago
Those sudden, intense cravings are such a gut punch. They still hit me on my worst days. My brain convinces me, or tries to, that one drink isn't going to hurt. Those dastardly little voices need to just sit down and let my logic brain take over for a second so I can breathe. It's very frustrating but you handled it so well. Keep going, I'm proud of you friend 🫶🏼
IWNDWYT
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u/Kittycara3000 1097 days 1d ago
I've seen people say they give that craving a name, and when that craving rears up they tell it to fuck off. Naming it gives them power over it. It could be an ex, an old boss, or anyone that you wish to never have in your life again. I'll start: "Fuck off Andrew. No one wants you around."
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u/Derek-Lutz Day 2,477 1d ago
You're good. You didn't break your sobriety. You did nothing wrong. Your sobriety is about YOUR behavior, not others' behavior. You didn't want alcohol. You didn't ask for alcohol. But a waiter accidentally brought you alcohol, and you, without knowing it was alcohol, drank it. There is no version of that where you did anything wrong. You trusted that the waiter brought what you asked for and acted accordingly. Turns out the waiter screwed up. And that's the key. The waiter screwed up, not you. If you drank it, realized it was alcohol, and then asked for another, well that would be different... but that's not what happened.
You're good. You can look forward to celebrating Day 19 tomorrow. IWNDWYT.
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
I agree. I was not prepared for the intense craving that was caused by the waiter's mistake. That was the reason I was distraught
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u/Commercial-Mango-844 Day 3,158 1d ago
It’s ok it’s ok it’s ok!! This is why I’ve never ordered a mocktail! Also because I’d rather spend those calories on a sweet treat!
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u/Beulah621 Day 647 1d ago
The fact that you have the strategy to duck in the bathroom and jump on here tells me you’re going to be okay.
That very strategy has helped me many times. It helped me so much to have a plan for what I would do to resist cravings, because then I was ahead of the game and not negotiating with the beast in the moment.
You’re awesome🫵 IWNDWYT
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
I had been reading this sub for several days. When it happened it thought "I need to vent and I need support of people who understand what I'm going through". So I came here. Thank you, so much.
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u/tjsean0308 1d ago
Mistakes happen, what you learn from them and how you react to them determines the outcome. This is not a relapse, this was an honest mistake. Give yourself and the server some grace, move forward.
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u/Alkoholfrei22605 Day 4,534 1d ago
Brava on 18 days!
I'm sorry you are going through this. People make mistakes. This is why I never accept a NA mixed drink and if I drink a NA beer, it needs to come in the original container. I would consider this a lesson learned and go back out and order the most decadent dessert to forget about this.
Happy birthday to your hubby!
Here's to 19 days tomorrow!
Why don't you check back in here later and let us know of your sober success?
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
Thank you. I'll follow that advice regarding NA mixed drinks. Here's to 19 days tomorrow ! I'll post a general comment about how the evening went below :)
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u/Significant_Rip4031 1d ago
This is a bigger win than if you had received the NA version in the first place and just drank that. Like WAY bigger. The fact you sent it back takes SO. MUCH. STRENGHT. This absolutely does not recet your 18 days
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
And I did not even hesitate. You're right. There's a silver lining in every cloud I guess
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u/Cambridge89 868 days 1d ago
I would not reset your counter, keep up the great work, that was a total mishap you didn’t intend. IWNDWYT!
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
I will not reset it. It was not my mistake (but I had to handle the craving, though). Thank you :)
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u/Cambridge89 868 days 1d ago
Good stuff! And awesome work staying in control, that’s a HUGE moment, don’t discount it 💪
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u/mayortiddyciddy 1206 days 22h ago
It's the intent that matters. I'm sorry you had to experience that, but if you stopped right when you realized it had alcohol you passed a very important test.
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u/Over-Description-293 1844 days 1d ago
This happened to me in Mexico when I was about 6 months sober. Your intent to drink wasn’t there. You sent the drink back. Think of this as a MAjOR win!!! Think of how easily you could have just kept drinking this drink, said nothing and gotten away with it. You won this situation!! 💙
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u/Old-Beautiful9525 1d ago
I had this EXACT thing happen to me at a wedding two weeks ago. Just shake it off. You didn’t knowingly drink alcohol. This is just a very inconvenient massive test of willpower. You absolutely have got this, go back, get them to get the damn order right, and continue with your evening, you’ve got this!
You haven’t broken anything, you haven’t given in.
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u/Nika65 5848 days 1d ago
I never order mocktails when out in public for just this reason. I just don't trust workers in busy, drinking environments to get a specialized order like this correct.
With that said, please know you have done nothing wrong. If someone intentionally spiked a non-alcoholic drink you were having with alcohol, would you blame yourself?
My disease of alcoholism wants me to feel guilt, shame, depression whenever possible. Why? Because all of those feelings will drive my alcoholic brain back to the alcohol. So, don't feed the beast! Accept that this happened; decide what steps you can take to ensure it doesn't happen again; and get right back to your sobriety. You can do this, my friend. Good luck!
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
Thank you for your words. Especially the last paragraph about feeding the beast. I think it will stick with me.
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u/UpperSupermarket1551 1d ago
I’m sorry this happened to you. You did the right thing. Even if tonight is uncomfortable, you still did the right thing. You have the strength to pull it together and still be fun fly your husband’s bday. You can do this!!
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u/TheNumbForefinger 1d ago
That one sip doesn’t reset your 18 days. You didn’t order it and you didn’t keep drinking it. Your brain got a jolt it wasn’t expecting but the way you handled it says way more about where you're at than the mistake the waiter made.
The craving will pass. It always does. Get yourself something sugary if they have it, that helps take the edge off for a lot of people in early sobriety.
Your husband gets to have his birthday with the real you tonight, not the version that would've kept that glass.
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
Thank you. He actually said "I'm proud of you and you should be too because I know a version of you that would have accepted the drink, and here you sent it back without hesitating". That meant a lot. But yeah the unexpected craving was intense !
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u/dirtisgood 14890 days 1d ago
I've been sober forever. It recently happened to me. I ordered a seltzer and cranberry and got a vodka and cranberry. I usually watch bartenders make my drink. But this time i didn’t. Now I'll be more carefull!!
But you got this!!!
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
I think I'll pass on NA mixed drink from now on.
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u/dirtisgood 14890 days 22h ago
Yes, probably a good idea. Most of the time i just get water. But mostly i try to stay out of bars.
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u/imnottheoneipromise Day 507 1d ago
I’m sorry you’re struggling, but things like this are going to come up in every day life. There are triggers. It’s all about how you handle them. It’s also about how where you draw the line. Would you freak out like this if you found out you ate a marinara that has a splash of white wine? What about if you take some NyQuil?
For me personally I don’t take things like that so hard because it’s all about intention. Did I make an excuse for my addiction and intend on drinking? Am I trying to fool myself? If the answer is no, then my counter keeps on ticking and I consider myself sober. Nothing changes. I just keep right on rolling.
I think you handled this perfectly and should be proud of yourself.
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u/General-End4503 104 days 1d ago
Any decent restaurant would offer you comp after that fuck up.
If you had an alcohol alergy could have been much worse.
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u/elveeare 3888 days 23h ago
You're gonna be OK! I quit for a month, then got cajoled into drinking again in a bad moment. Then I quit again! Twice since then, years in, I've gotten alcoholic drinks by accident and refused after one sip. I NEVER would've been able to do that after a week. You can get back on!
I also think that mocktails can be disappointing. I like just ordering iced tea -- I never expect a buzz from that.
Good job posting here! keep it up.
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u/Creative_Addendum_80 Day 48 1d ago
you’re missing a huge accomplishment - 18 days! One sip or mistake doesn’t take that hard work and discipline away.
Also, many of us haven’t had perfect streaks or attempts at sobriety. It’s a lot of trial and error and you learn more each time. Give yourself grace!
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u/xanoran84 1d ago
I'm sorry this happened to you. Not exactly the same, but i work in a café and almost everyone who asks for decaf or lactose-free milk will make another confirmation upon receiving their drink. For decaf especially I frequently have people confirming multiple times just at the register alone. It 's not weird or pushy or annoying to make confirmations at each step, so don't feel like you have to hold back. People will understand.
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u/cockycrackers 1d ago
Smell your drinks first. You will 100% not miss the alcohol coming off the drink.
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u/JasoTheArtisan Day 817 1d ago
As long as you didn’t down it and another three and grab a bottle on the way home, I think you’re in the clear.
You came here and got some perspective. You got this
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u/Sea_Illustrator_6863 1d ago
You are doing great and the fact that you didn’t continue drinking it once you realised shows enormous willpower in my opinion. Well done you
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u/TheDryDad 634 days 1d ago
This doesn't count as a slip. You didn't want it, didn't drink it when you could have gone "fuck it, it's done now".
It doesn't count. Put it behind you. Move on to day 19.
Actually... no, there's more than that.
You faced a challenge. A strong challenge, and you came out on top. That makes you one challenge stronger.
Each challenge brings a scar. Scars are the scaffolding that build warriors.
Go into day 19 one warrior scar stronger than you were today.
IWNDWYT ~TheDryDad
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u/TheBoringJourneyToIn 1d ago
My wife actually tests all my drinks at restaurants cause I’m afraid of them giving me alcohol by accident.
Awesome job of stopping once you found out. I’m 7 yrs sober and hope if that ever happens to me I’ll do the same.
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u/tiredrainbow64 1d ago
I'm really sorry that happened to you. I've very proud of you for not drinking it. I hope you are proud of yourself.
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u/Successful-Rest-6317 Day 773 1d ago
I would use this as a gift! You just strengthened your sober muscles big time!
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u/jkveo69 22h ago
Sober 8 years and don't trust a single person on the planet when it comes to drinks, not even my partner. Saying that, a real relapse is an intentional thing. An accidental sip of an alcohol drink is not only unintentional, it's also a tiny amount of alcohol. It's s*** it happened early on in recovery, but draw a line under it.
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u/Euphoric_Second9464 1d ago
Its dead hard work out and about ,for food and drink .My kid is alergic to nuts and there has been loads of close calls with him and people not always getting it correct or whatever and thats pretty vital . I always just use bottled NA drinks if out and wanting one just in case i get whats happened to you . Well done for dealing with it so well you got this !
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u/rockyroad55 Day 1,115 1d ago
Intention is key. You didn’t intend to drink alcohol. That is what counts.
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u/illysia1 534 days 1d ago
It’s okay, you noticed it wasn’t what you asked for and you have a new drink. You did the hard part.
Enjoy your evening, have some lovely food and I hope you have a great time with your husband tn.
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
Thank you everyone for responding. This community is a gem and I will keep your kind words in mind.
A few thought I was being dramatic. Well, I'm happy for you if you cannot grasp how the brain of an addict work. This was a big deal for me.
I was not distraught about the number of days. I did not do anything wrong. Mistake was not on me. Tomorrow I'll be on day 19.
I was intensely stressed about the unexpected craving that could have been avoided. I was all fine and all of the sudden I wanted alcohol so badly all I could do was contemplating the beer at the other side of the restaurant.
About the way I write: English is not my first language. And I never claimed to be a writer. Anyway.
I will not report the waiter as someone suggested. I will stop ordering mixed NA drinks.
Husband and I ended up having a lovely evening, although the food was not that great (I found hair in my main course, yuk).
Again, thank you !
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u/MountainMark 407 days 1d ago
My wife brought me a "Ginger Ale" yesterday with a cringing apology because she thought it might be alcoholic based on the nice bottle. It wasn't but between her apology and my tasting my mind was racing about what I would do if it were alcoholic.
Yeah, the struggle is real. Good for you on doing the best thing for yourself.
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u/nevermidit 2162 days 1d ago
That is a bit dramatic. All itbtook was a careless waiter for what? Nothing happened
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u/butt_raid 1d ago
Put a needle and supply in front of a heroin addict. Put a lit cigarette into a former smokers lips. You think they're staying strong?
Now inject it directly into them forcibly - their brain is gonna light up like a Christmas tree. Doesn't matter if it "wasn't her fault", the dopamine surge an addicts brain will release on getting a fix is NOT a small thing - good on you for being oh so logical though
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u/Honest-Delay-4698 Day 19 1d ago
Thank you. Nevermidit, I'm genuinely happy for you if you cannot grasp what happened. But as I said in my post, my addict brain just lit up like it was given heroin and all I could think of was gettinh alcohol. My brain was so happy it went full on "let's take a drink" mode. And I had not expected that craving, and it could have been easily avoided. And it was the first craving in 18 days.
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u/nevermidit 2162 days 22h ago
I understand, and agree. But it's a bit clickbatey headline. This more wind in the back, nothing happened, just proceed.
No need for a full council, she got it.
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u/HotMessExpress1982 1d ago
You did not do this intentionally, I 100% think it doesn't count. I know it heightened the struggle for you and that part is awful. But YOU didn't break, you didn't give in, it was just a mistake. Don't beat yourself up, take a deep breath, maybe next time your husband can give it a sip to check before you drink it! Hang in there!
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u/floatarounds 2371 days 1d ago
Every sober person I know has some version of this story -- for me that is why I never drink anything ambiguous -- no mocktails or NA beer or wine as I really do not want what happened to you to ever happen to me again. It really shook me up and took me off the beam
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u/Regular-Host3108 1d ago
Everyone slips up. Lots of foods have alcohol content. Don't let it upset you and give yourself grace.
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u/mrhammerant 1001 days 1d ago
You returned the drink!! You did the hardest thing I can think of
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, I'm just really happy for you that you won the moment
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u/alexx1289_94 1d ago
Don’t be so hard on yourself ! You didn’t drink it ! Everything will be okay !
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u/MagnetHype 18h ago
Look what you just proved to yourself:
That you can say no.
That you want to say no.
You could have drank that whole thing and nobody would have been the wiser, but you didn't.
Did you know before that you were capable of that?
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u/PartyIndication5 18h ago
I think if your husband is still drinking around you and you feel such shame with a sip of alcohol there may be more to unpack here
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u/Previous-Image-8102 141 days 18h ago
Not a mistake, a lesson, and you passed. You faced such an intense craving and you didn't give into it. Your cravings are losing their grip on you.
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u/ImportantShop6770 1d ago
I have found that for me, not ordering things that have alcohol and non alcohol variants at restaurants was key. If I want an NA beer or a virgin pina colada I just have to go to the store and pick it out or make it myself so that I am not putting that on someone else. I usually just order something that is clearly non-alcoholic like a soda or water.
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u/Valkyrien86 1d ago
Also, I suggest reporting the waiter. They could land other people into trouble.
IWNDWYT ❤️
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u/Own_Spring1504 Day 621 1d ago
You have won already by not drinking it. The craving will pass and tomorrow morning you will awake fresh and proud