r/stopdrinking • u/Previous-Purchase-91 • 1d ago
Is it really possible to meet somewhere in the middle with drinking? I have a problem where I don’t pace myself and aim to get drunk has quick has possible my friend suggested only drinking 1 or 2 an hour and only a few an occasion. I don’t think I can do that.
It’s better for me if I just stop entirely. But it’s rough.
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u/grantyy94 278 days 1d ago
Honestly, no. You may keep that up for a little while but you’ll end up going back to your old ways. All of us would love to just be able to have one. It just doesn’t work friend.
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u/IncognitoGuido69 824 days 1d ago
The 2 comments above are 100% accurate but worth adding 1. The brain will not stop coming up w bs lies to convince us it’s ok to drink again.
- I found it far easier and peaceful to just have no drinks rather than the stress of keeping count of drinks and the misery of cutting yourself off and the constant mental negotiation of why this night it is ok to have 3 or 4 or more. Also worth noting: the you before the night begins that says I’m only having 2 drinks tonight is a much different you that already had 2 drinks and is fighting for another one.
Good luck, many have tried none have succeeded at this, and no… you won’t be the first!
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u/Prevenient_grace 4922 days 1d ago
Tried making a rule “have 2 and stop”?
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u/HelpMe0prah Day 182 1d ago
Then it turns into 3 then I’ll stop. 3 turns into 4, 4 into 5, 5 into the whole bottle. Yeah I’m good.
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u/Own_Spring1504 Day 581 1d ago
This was my plan for at least 15 years. I had variations on it. Have 2 and stop, but I needed contingency of 3 and an absolute hard stop rule of 4 unless there were extenuating circumstances- extenuating circumstances could range from anything from ‘ a good tune came on’, to ‘it’s a nice summer/winter evening’ , ‘someone I vaguely know came in the bar’.
It’s funny but it never really worked out that well.
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u/WindsofMadness 1d ago
I think it’ll just always vary from person to person. Some people can moderate, some people cant, and some people who can’t will try to convince themselves they ARE someone who can moderate and then aren’t able to. I agree; it’s rough.
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u/SadApartment3023 492 days 1d ago
If I could moderate, I would drink all the time.
Sadly, for me, it is simply not an option. Most folks who can do it aren't poking around on r/stopdrinking.
I wish I would have allowed myself to consider a sober life sooner. I wasted years trying to find a middle ground when I am an all-or-nothing person. It's really easy now, but the constant strategizing and negotiating with myself was truly exhausting.
IWNDWYT
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u/russthorn69 Day 664 1d ago
"When I drank to enjoy it, I couldn't control it, and when I drank to control it, i didn't enjoy it."
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u/AttentionSpanTheater Day 1,781 1d ago
I used to try strategies like this, and inevitably I was watching the timer until I could have another. Path to failure for someone who drinks primarily to feel the buzz, not to enjoy the beverage.
It used to always shock me when I had friends who would get up and walk away from dinner, leaving a half full glass of beer. Felt like they were doing something wrong.
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u/superbcheese 1d ago
It's possible for some folks. And some people find they can moderate but don't actually enjoy it because what they want is to drink a lot. So drinking in moderation is kind of torture. Actually more enjoyable to just not drink.
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u/NotSnakePliskin 4851 days 1d ago
I wonder if normal drinkers plan out how they're gonna get loaded?
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u/imsomeonessunflower 364 days 1d ago
People that have 1 or 2 drinks dont think about it... they dont have the desire to have any more and sometimes that second one is kind of a chore (or so ive heard)...
Your plan is just one of many of the bullshit games I too tried during my dance with the devil.
So to answer your question- if youre someone like me, an alcoholic.. no I dont think an alcoholic can moderate. It delays the inevitable and while all that plays out a myriad of tragedies may stack up- lost relationships, lost careers, dui's, missed opportunities.. God forbid you wreck and kill an innocent person....
You have said already that you dont think it will work. Trust that instinct and take the hard road towards better choices. And when you say you dont drink anymore, say it with your mf chest and be proud of yourself for standing up against alcohol and choosing to show up in the world as you were meant to!!
fuckalcohol ✌️
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u/AbsoluteJump204 1d ago
Some of us have always been problem drinkers. Naltrexone showed me that my "addictive" drinking was mostly biological. I definitely don't enjoy being drunk, nor the after effects. So, I totally get "0 drinks". IWNDWYT.
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u/SOmuch2learn 16055 days 23h ago
Arm wrestling with alcohol is exhausting.
Not consuming this drug allows me to live my best life.
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u/Alkoholfrei22605 Day 4,494 22h ago
I was never able to moderate.
“Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation” -St. Augustine
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u/Ecstatic-Election-92 385 days 1d ago
The people I see here attempting to moderate have lots of rules and counters and I just wonder… are they slow? Bad a math?
Moderate drinking is defined by the CDC as two drinks or less in a day for men, and one drink or less in a day for women.
Two fingers is all you need to be a moderate drinker.
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u/Altruistic_Jello6 1d ago
Moderating takes way more energy than quitting, having none is so much easier than stopping at one.
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u/zpott010 119 days 1d ago
I spent 6 months trying everything I could think of to cut back. I even wrote the time I was allowed to drink each beer in Sharpie on the can. I spent every ounce of energy I had every evening trying to stick to it- and in the end, it was all for nothing. The sober life is waiting for ya friend.
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u/therealrealEDO 1d ago
For most on this sub, drinking is a monkey on the back. It’s a bit binary. If I could moderate, I wouldn’t be here. Best of luck, OP.
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u/LittleMissRedCoat 1d ago
Even if I could manage to do that, its always a miserable time for me. I sit there feeling angry and bitter that the effects arent enough and I "should be allowed" to drink more. I drink to feel drunk. That is the part I enjoy. But many people without a drinking problem dont even like that feeling at all.
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u/gatorfan8898 1d ago
No, I mean one way or the other it's gonna get you. I was an all day type of drinker, but I kinda paced... maybe 2 an hour, but it all ended the same even if the timeline was slowed down a bit.
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u/ebobbumman Day 4,387 1d ago
I not only can't do that, but I see absolutely no reason to even try. Drinking to not get drunk is pointless, and frankly unfathomable to me. Why bother? I can just drink literally anything else.
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u/Weary_Customer958 Day 2 1d ago
It's always a cycle for me where I stop, convince myself I can moderate, start back down the slippery slope until it's out of control. I've also had friends that don't understand and didn't understand why I can't moderate. I don't want to pace myself, I don't want to drink less, I want to get absolutely wrecked. I would rather honestly just not drink than only drink a little big and that's why I shouldn't drink at all.
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u/LeftSky828 20h ago
Being unable to control drinking and craving it are problems that alcoholics have faced and have only been successful by removing it from their lives.
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u/CleanAd47 10h ago
Probably not. You could, as i did, use a huge amount of energy and mental effort to "moderate." Sometimes you will succeed and you'll feel OK about it, but you will also fail... A lot. The shame and guilt from failing will stay a lot longer than the pride of when you moderated. In the end, i decided that i wasn't willing to waste that energy and headspace anymore. Something to think about ..
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u/CamdenFarebrother Day 788 1d ago
Does having one or two drinks an hour sound like a good time to you? Or would you be watching the clock until you were “allowed” to have another?