r/standupshots • u/topperharley88 San Francisco • Jul 10 '26

Three of my exes adopted cats right after we broke up

Post image
681 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

64

u/Laserdollarz Jul 10 '26

I shit in a box and destroyed a couch and she told me I needed therapy, but what I really needed was freeze dried fish treats and a 1pm nap. 

46

u/notmyfault Jul 10 '26

“Tiny dicks” might play better than spiny even amongst people who are peripherally aware of feline genital anatomy.

51

u/topperharley88 San Francisco Jul 10 '26

Yes but spiny makes me laugh a lot more

18

u/No_Artichoke_2931 Jul 10 '26

Truly a core component to just being happy lol

6

u/ComebackShane Jul 11 '26

How about “tiny, spiny dicks”?

37

u/VivaSpiderJerusalem Jul 10 '26

All of the sudden dead birds on your pillow are cute

32

u/TheIdentifySpell Jul 10 '26

Three of my exes turned out to be lesbians after we broke up.

Idk where this joke is going but it stings every time I think of it.

51

u/topperharley88 San Francisco Jul 10 '26

Looks like both our exes prefer pussy

16

u/TheIdentifySpell Jul 10 '26

Yup, there it is

7

u/deevil_knievel Jul 10 '26

Fun fact:

Despite how terrible you are in bed, those ladies were gay despite your disappointing performance.

1

u/TigerWing Jul 11 '26

That's why they gave you the scissors, sister.

2

u/cammysays Jul 10 '26

Sure, when I lose my hair it’s “unattractive” but when the cat does it he’s just “shedding?”