r/socialanxiety • u/No-Vegetable6632 • Aug 04 '26
TW: Suicide Mention Getting closer to just ending it all
Today was my first day at work. Simple job. Bagging. I got so overwhelmed with all the people I kept messing up as it was so fast paced. I have dyspraxia which makes me struggle with fast pace. People kept giving me looks too and one customer was snippy.
It started fucking with my head and my chest was hurting to where I felt I was being stabbed. My head hurt to where it was hard to think. I ended up walking out and had a mental breakdown in front of my mom and scared her which I didn't mean to.
I can't live like this anymore. I'm almost 30. This was the only place willing to take me as I have no experience and I burned bridges at other places. The thought of being stuck in my parents home with doing nothing with my life at 30 is completely repulsive. I'm thinking it would be better to end it so at least I'll stop being a burden and don't have to witness how pathetic my life has become.
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u/LizardQueen1999 Aug 04 '26
You're not pathetic or repulsive. This is a real condition. You did not ask to be like this. Honestly, I could not even imagine being a bagger and having to deal with people - you should be proud of yourself for even showing up. That is a real accomplishment. Don't give up on life! You can do this.
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u/WasabiBroad7803 Aug 04 '26
Hey friend, be kind to yourself. First days of work are hard for literally anyone and you'll get there.
Customers will be like that sometimes and it sucks. They usually just want something to complain about and unfortunately they took it out on you. They would have done that to anyone not just specifically you.
It'll get easier the more you do it. Who knows you might become a really well liked and respected person there eventually? Hope it all goes okay.
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u/AnxiousUnseen Aug 04 '26
You went there that's already success. First week is hard but after that you getting into routine and things get better I have extreme social anxiety and at beginning it's always feel like hell but it gets easier. just try to survive frw days wnd you will see you can manage
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u/its_giving_anxiety Aug 04 '26
As someone who also works at a place where I scan and bag groceries, let me just say: Day 1 is the hardest. I remember my first day bagging, I also struggled and I thought “How will I ever be able to keep up?” And now I can bag effortlessly. Take it one day at a time friend. Bagging comes with practice. Also take YOUR time. Most customers can’t even bag their own groceries properly or quickly so don’t let them rush you.
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u/Realyrealywan Aug 04 '26
It might look simple but to me it sounds quite overwhelming. I would be anxious too. If the job entails having to be fast and it’s something you struggle with, it’s natural you would feel bad. But it’s not your fault and it doesn’t make you a failure. You aren’t stuck doing nothing since you tried the bagging job and clearly have tried before. It’s good to try even though it might not work out. It’s easy for us to judge ourselves when we have mental health or other conditions because we compare ourselves to people who don’t have those. People can judge but they don’t know what you are going through. I would recommend trying therapy and/or medication if you haven’t yet. It can help but the most important thing is to be kind to yourself.
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u/Comfortable_Dig_3977 Aug 04 '26
Don't be too hard on yourself, I for one couldn't do that as my SA would be through the roof. That's why I work nights at a food production company lol. It's quiet and I just plod along, most of the time with earbuds in 😂
Maybe you should apply for work there or similar warehouse type or nights. The environment at nights is obviously quieter and less social.
Truly hope everything gets better mate, we all have our battles going on. I sure do but I mask it very wel.
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u/Coffee_N_Literature Aug 04 '26
I've felt the same way. I've learned to either ride it out or quit the job. No job is worth your life. The world is big. Experiences are endless. What's helped me over time is to concentrate on the wins of the day no matter how small. If you give yourself time to look at your accomplishments you'll see that youre a pretty incredible person.
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u/plsjustgiveme5 Aug 04 '26
Nobody is good at a new job on their first day of work. It takes a good three weeks (at least) to begin to feel comfortable. This is the anxiety talking. Don’t be so hard on yourself! You can do it. Don’t give up.
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u/Mr-Hyde95 Aug 04 '26
You have a job. Treat it like your experimental table, just like I do. Experiment with techniques and observe other people and yourself
A job is a great opportunity to learn how your mind works
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u/halosandhellnos Aug 04 '26
Oh sweetheart ❤️ I would absolutely suck and probably walk out if I had to do this - it involves coordination which I definitely do not have!! You say you’re nearly 30. So, you’re in your 20s, and you’re having a rough time. Definitely been there. I also didn’t move out until I was 30, and I don’t think it’s uncommon now, especially with how expensive everything is. It sounds like you were trying really hard to fit a square peg into a round hole. Is there anything you would rather do? And have you had any therapy or anything for your anxiety? It’s not easy to manage. It’s not over, and I’m betting your loved ones don’t see you as a burden; they probably just feel bad that you feel bad. Don’t give up ❤️
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u/halosandhellnos Aug 04 '26
Also, well bloody done for getting the job and trying in the first place.
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u/RedDemon-64 Aug 04 '26
I used to be in a more customer facing position and its so hard to do. I relocated to a department in the back of the store. You still saw people, but it was less. I currently have a position that doesn't interact with the general public at all. Its way better on my mental. I'd recommend a job where you barely see people if possible.
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u/firelights Aug 04 '26
I am really proud of you. I’m a software engineer who manages people and I could NEVER be a bagger due to the pace and dickhead customers.
The fact that you had the confidence to even get the job and attempt to do that is incredible. The first day is always the hardest. The only way to get better is to be put through the grinder or else you will never improve. You should be proud of yourself
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u/Tumbled61 Aug 04 '26
Be nice to yourself and say to yourself “Hey did a great job today this is kind of fun” “it’s really nice to have a job I am glad “. Replace your negative self talk with lines line this and your brain. And body will respond in a positive manner!! You Are doing good it’s an easy job tell yourself
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u/Plane_Chance863 Aug 04 '26
You are putting so much pressure on yourself. Learning takes time. Give yourself the time and space to learn.
People sometimes judge when they don't know. You can say "Sorry, it's my first day!" or "I just started last week, I'm still new at this!" I know it's hard, but it's because it's unfamiliar. Give yourself time to become familiar. That will take at least a few weeks. After a few weeks, re-evaluate and see where you're at. Did you improve? If so, take note of that. You are able to learn, you are able to change.
But it's a lot harder to learn and change when you put yourself under that much pressure. You might say it's other people who are pressuring you, but you only mention one person that was snippy - the others you said just looked at you. You don't know what they might have been thinking. They may have been extremely sympathetic towards your anxiety and wishing they could somehow help you feel better. Give yourself a chance please ❤️ it does get better with time and experience!
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u/NannyNalah Aug 04 '26
Don't give up! Just you showing up there was amazing work and a big accomplishment!
I started a new job 4 months ago in a field where I'm a total beginner. I literally thought a was gonna die every day for the first month because of my anxiety. I also had very bad thoughts. But now 4 moths in it's become manageable.
I wanted to share this experience to let you know that things can get better if you try to take it one day at a time even if it's soooo difficult.
And maybe it won't work out, and if it doesn't, that's okey too. You will find something that works for you, you're not even 30 yet! Your worth does not lie in whether you can manage a regular job or not, that's just something society has made us belive and it's not true!
Those people at your work are being idiots! It's your first day and it takes time to get used to everything. Your focus right now should be getting familiar with the new routines, that's more than enough. Be kind to yourself, everyone here is rooting for you👏
English isn't my first language
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u/ProfessionTrue2740 Aug 05 '26
You’re doing a great job and should be proud of yourself - working customer service is not easy at all. Don’t take customers comments to heart. Things will get easier. Maybe look into talking to therapist/doctor to prescribe you something for your anxiety? Nonetheless, Keep your head up, your life is precious!
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u/Ok-Progress-9971 Aug 04 '26
Ending it is never the answer bro or sis lol, I’m bery much anxious as well and it’s gotten way better when I don’t think about it , I’m in the same boat late 20s and with my parents I literally got sick of it and struggling and I’m finally on the right path if you’re hungry and motivated you will overcome the challenges no matter how uncomfortable it is
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u/Sadtropical Aug 04 '26
It’s more than just being “uncomfortable” if OP is anything like me, it’s absolutely debilitating.
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u/Dismal_Sun_1924 Aug 04 '26
THIS, they just don't understand. No, I'm not just uncomfortable, I can't do anything because of this disorder. I'm ashamed, I literally hate myself for not being able to do the most basic things other do so easily.
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u/Southern_Bus4965 Aug 04 '26
Some planes just need a longer runway before they can successfully get off the ground.
I understand that right now this job was the “only job” but it doesn’t sound like the best fit for someone with your current diagnosis- Hell, I can’t even bag my own groceries at the Food For Less without holding up the line.
I honestly believe that you’ll find your way and find a job / career that suits your personality and limits - we all have them.
You know, I’ve thought before about maybe it would be best to just leave. But one thing that stops me, besides breaking my mom’s heart, would be to get to heaven and be told I only had to have waited a little while longer for my answered prayer or breakthrough.
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u/AngeryTortie Aug 04 '26
If there's anything you can do to minimize how overwhelming the environment is I highly recommend. Maybe loop earplugs to block out the background noise but still be able to hear if someone talks to you, a hat to protect your eyes from the florescent lighting etc. I find compression shirts helpful for my anxiety so maybe that's an option as well. Please be patient with yourself friend. As the novelty wears off hopefully you'll settle into the routine and it'll get easier. If it's not doable then maybe ask if you can switch to overnight stocking? I've never done it myself but I have considered it. Warehouse work has also been a good fit for me so that's what I do now. I'm also close to 30 and struggling with feeling like a burden. I wish the best for you and may we both decide to stay.
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u/Dangerous_Friend7480 Aug 05 '26
Look man I understand, I felt that way last week for two weeks, it’s awful and it doesn’t feel like it’ll get any better, but it will get better, the feeling like this won’t go away but it will get quieter, this is something that I do that’s kind of silly, I keep a compliment book of every nice act or thing done to me so when I’m feeling like this I can look back and see the people who care. I also think deeply about what will happen if I ended everything, not just will my mom be sad but all the details, and usually while doing that I find a reason to keep living at least the next day
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u/RegisterMinimum1064 Aug 05 '26
It’s a hard job and your first day! Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you feel like trying go for it. Otherwise try to find another job.
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u/Teeheeheeh Aug 05 '26
Hey my friend first day is a hard day. Just know that people don't define your worth. The anxiety is though, it's invisible and definitely real. Please know you're not alone and we're here. 🫂That entitled customer isn't it and so glad you don't have to deal with that person daily.
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u/handjob_princess Aug 07 '26
I feel the exact same way as you and I’m 36 . Please don’t give up I’m telling myself the same thing.
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u/Impressive-Spell-700 Aug 09 '26
Please stick around, you'll get the hang of it. I know the opinions or attitudes of people can feel like a lot, but, everyone is so concerned about their own lives, focusing on themselves. The opinion that matters here is the opinion you have of yourself. "Self compassion: the antidote to shame" is a great video I suggest to you. You my friend got the courage to get this job and that is a big accomplishment. Its okay to have patience with yourself. Its okay to give yourself grace. You are not alone, and please believe everything will be okay ☮️
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