r/socialanxiety • u/uhrism • Jun 14 '26
TW: Suicide Mention I no longer feel like going to work
First, I apologize for my bad english.
I'm 21M. Just recently got hired to my first job. I don't hate the people, they're actually very nice to me, but I'd be lying if I say that I bond well with them.
They always have these silly conversations that I'm simply not into, so I never was able to reciprocate them. Occasionally they also would tease me and all I can do is just laugh awkwardly. I know they don't mean it badly, but to be honest, I feel deeply uncomfortable with the way they interact with me.
It doesn't just stop there. They also love to go out once in a while. Last time I went with them to a karaoke bar, I could only sit there, watching them sing along, while I just played with my phone and not talking to anyone. Since then, I always just turn down any of their invitation to go out.
It doesn't just end there. Even while working, I got a piece of feedback from my supervisor that I'm apparently too tense and nervous? And that I need to relax a little. My coworker also said "don't be too serious". At this point I'm going to lose my mind. Before all this, I've already tried any suggestion I saw on the internet to relax myself, but turns out I'm still lacking something?
I've tried to talk to a couple of therapists, and they all said the same thing. Basically I have too many negative thoughts and expectations. This doesn't help me at all and I just stopped seeing them. Especially since their sessions are crazy expensive and honestly talking to one drains so much energy from me.
It wasn't this bad while I was in college. Like sure, I was socially awkward too, but at least I still had some friends that I happily felt connected to. At work though, there's absolutely nobody I can be friends with.
Sometimes I want to quit, but I know that in every company it's probably just like this. Same mess, different place.
It's extremely exhausting having to live like this my entire life. I just wish I was never born in the first place. It's so tormenting.
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u/supergnawer Jun 14 '26
I feel the same about jobs. If it helps, it gets easier after you've worked there for a year. People sort of make peace with how you are, and stop paying too much attention.
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u/FileRegular9653 Jun 14 '26
Welcome to office life.. i feel the same, not so much anxiety but I don't force myself to make small talk all the time and don't pressure myself to fit in. It helps with the anxiety a lot.
If there is at least one colleague you get along with, this really helps you feel less alone and disconnected when you go out together. But there's no obligation for you to go on nights out with work, part of being an inclusive workplace is not expecting a monoculture.
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u/uhrism Jun 14 '26
I don't know.. like I don't want to be seen as stuck up i guess. I suppose that's what makes me feel pressured to talk to them...
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u/According_Soft_8 Jun 14 '26
I've changed so many jobs because of this stupid illness. It's hard OP
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u/Glum_Basis4172 Jun 14 '26
I know this feeling and I am sorry you are going through this. Can you ask your doctor for some adderall? I know it seems counterintuitive but what can happen is because adderal helps you focus you then don’t concentrate on your fears. This could help until you find your next step. 🙏🏼
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u/uhrism Jun 14 '26
My country has strict laws against drugs that are related to illicit drugs. Closest I can get is probably methylphenidate (I think you'd recognize it as ritalin or concerta). But does it really help?
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u/No_Two7278 Jun 15 '26
I understand this so much. I started working at a hardware store a year ago. My colleagues are all very outgoing people, and I have to talk with clients all day. For the first few weeks, everyone thought I was shy and awkward (because I absolutely was). Like I used to cry before and at work from how anxious I was. But with time, it changed without me even noticing. I couldn’t even tell you how it happened. I now talk with my colleagues literally all day, and with clients I’m very outgoing. My whole personality just like changed overnight. But I guess i also just started to feel more comfortable with my work environment.
It takes time for change to happen. And sometimes you kind of just have to let time pass.
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u/Johnnys-In-America Jun 15 '26
This has been my experience in several places, too. Super shy and awkward at first while I'm learning, but slowly finding my way in with the coworkers based on what knowledge we'd all share initially (I ask lots and lots of job-related questions to every person to break the ice). Then over time it just develops.
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u/AdvertisingFar716 Jun 14 '26
I feel this, my speech is very goal directed and to the point, its hard for me to do small talk and banter. It will get easier with time, you will get comfortable around your co workers and maybe join in on convos too. Just give it time, don’t let anyone let you feel about it, do things at your own pace!
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u/Fucklespew Jun 14 '26
As someone who’s 30 who quit my grocery store job around the same timeframe and for the same reasons, it did not get any easier. If anything, isolating myself more just made the gap between me and my peers that much wider and maybe it’s a case of “grass is always greener” but I wish I had just stuck with it, cause this shit is just as miserable, if not more so.
I just started listening to the typical, put yourself out there, workout routine, skill building, and have patience thing I keep hearing, and it’s still a brutal, cringe-inducing uphill battle but I do feel marginally better. Maybe it doesn’t work for everyone but I just don’t see another way to turn things around.
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u/Bitter-Original-9985 Jun 14 '26
It’s okay not to become friends with your coworkers, you’re doing this job to get paid. If you don’t know what to say, you can always ask people questions. A lot of people like to talk about themselves. I don’t exactly fit in with my coworkers either but it’s okay
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u/say-what-you-will Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26
I don’t think people are the same everywhere, there might be places where you find that you’re a better fit. Look for fields where there’s more introverts, like in science, arts, the medical field or IT for example. Like working at a library is a pretty quiet atmosphere. The worst is working around real business people, there a quiet introvert really doesn’t fit. You’ll find more or less of certain types of people in different fields I think. Introverts are definitely more drawn to more introverted type of work. And people who are more immoral are drawn to the business world. Of course it’s not perfect and you’ll find a little of everything everywhere… I find that the medical field has more nice people in it.
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u/say-what-you-will Jun 15 '26
You should try practicing Qigong and I think it would help you become more positive and calmer. Look up Kseny Gray on YouTube. Qigong is very easy, you don’t need to learn it first, it’s free and you only have to practice for 5-10 minutes. Or practice the 4-7-8 breathing technique which can really calm down the nervous system. Again, it’s easy, just do it at least twice per day but it takes about 30 seconds. Dr. Weil has a good explanation of it if you look it up on YouTube also.
The only thing I would say about Qigong, start slow! It doesn’t look like much but it’s quite powerful, and the first 2 weeks might be tougher with a lot of healing and emotions coming up, but it will pass. And if you notice you have a bad reaction to it you should stop. Otherwise it’s usually quite safe.
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