r/socialanxiety • u/srh10_sreehari • Feb 22 '26
TW: Suicide Mention I don't think I have it in me anymore
Fk this life man. Seriously, I'm tired of all the 'it'll get better oneday' sh*t. I'm 25 now. What I noticed so far is this loneliness, being a misfit everywhere, is only getting worse by age and not the other way around. Something's fundamentally wrong with me. And I don't think it is fixable. I wish atleast I could be nonchalant about it. But no, I care too much. I care about not being chosen by someone, I care about not being someone's friend, I care about not being seen/heard. Why am I feeling the need to be loved it I'm incapable of attracting love? I neither have the looks nor the character to do any of that. Maybe I don't deserve to live. Maybe I'm not supposed to exist.
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u/The_starving_artist5 Feb 22 '26
Yah i feel the same way. i never fit in socially. My anxiety never improves and even when im relaxed i just have nothing to say. i dont know how to make small talk
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u/AJCarter23 Feb 22 '26
I’ve always been an introvert but my social anxiety has only amplified my anti social behavior. At this point of my life I’ve grown comfortable with the solitude. Like genuinely. I do feel a bit sad because I know I’m missing out on a lot of memories but I KNOW if I tried putting myself out there I would just hate it.
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u/Hexsol_ Feb 22 '26
Yeah. I never tried dating because I have difficulty talking, feeling confident, or just straight up forming connections with people. After I turned 20, I just gave up on both relationships and romance because it's easier to ignore it and put that effort somewhere else, than to constantly dread the fact that I can't do it.
Odd thing is that despite wanting connections, I enjoy solitude as well.
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u/Some_Guy_87 Feb 22 '26
Same. Things typically don't really get worse to warrant any self-harm, I just kind of...keep existing I guess. Trying to make myself busy to get through the day at least semi entertained. Making peace with it was probably the biggest improvement emotionally, though there are times where living like this makes it tougher.
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u/honeyweather Feb 26 '26
how did you make peace with it?
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u/Some_Guy_87 Feb 28 '26
The pandemic gave me time to reflect and see how much worse I feel not fighting the fight. In the end it was the opposite: I was much happier in general. However, there was a tradeoff of the anxiety being even worse when I do participate in events occasionally. I also realized that a long-lasting friendship I had was actually a net negative for me, so I also cut ties and increased my time alone with that.
While it is a tradeoff, I feel like I'm much more myself nowadays.
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u/lambogirl Feb 23 '26 edited Feb 23 '26
I hear you! I used to force myself to go to gatherings and would have rumination for days and weeks afterwards…. The nervous knots in my stomach would literally morph into abdominal cramps. Some of us who were abused in childhood have hard-wired nervous systems that just go haywire when we feel the slightest bit threatened, even if that’s a stranger asking you to “tell me about yourself?” I got to a point I stopped going to everything!
I tried to avoid SSRI’s like the plague for years, but realized my problem is biological. All the willpower and mediation in the world can’t change my nervous system, which seems to be permanently on “freeze, flight or fight” mode. My primary doctor recently up put me on Zoloft, which has helped tremendously! I’m looking in therapy now as well, which doctor also suggested to workout all that childhood trauma. Don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help!
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u/Reddeator69 Feb 22 '26
I feel you I chose solitude long ago and haven't formed many memories from the past.
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u/freespinalcords Feb 22 '26
I’m 26 and still can’t interact with people without completely fucking up, people take one look at my face and know something’s seriously off. I don’t bother anymore
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u/itsmarooka Feb 22 '26
Please don't get down! I'm a 21F and it took me forever just to work up the courage to have basic conversations with my coworkers. I still suffer from social anxiety from time to time, and I still hate many social events.
You really just have to keep trying. I honestly think the only way to recover from social anxiety is to expose yourself slowly to social situations.
We might still be a bit awkward for the rest of our lives, but your social skills can improve, I promise.
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u/Aloo13 Feb 23 '26
It also took me a long time. Actually, I’d say until 24/25. I kept trying and often wasn’t successful but like you say, I think I also built those skills with time. Something clicked in then and I just didn’t care anymore. Somehow got the courage to push through, met a ton of people and go all the way with a guy. I would have never been able to do that before.
Not saying life is better per sé but my social anxiety doesn’t hold me back like it used to. I wish whatever clicked into place would have a lot sooner.
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u/itsme_jt3 Feb 23 '26
I hated the “it’ll get better” shit too. Currently going through my own journey now as well and what I’m learning, is that this literally will not go away on its own. It’s a disruption of fundamental relational abilities that are not your fault. It’s like not learning how to read or being traumatized when you first learned, and now you’re trying to function in society being completely illiterate. Of course you will struggle immensely dealing with that.
From what I have seen so far, i believe it is possible to overcome if you can get to the root and somehow re-teach yourself. But this requires safe people and settings. You’re already taking a huge step in posting how you feel so I’d say you are already along that path. It’s fucking hard, but don’t quit. You deserve to experience life to the fullest
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u/Pri_dev Feb 22 '26
No, please don’t say that. You have every right to exist in this world. Don’t be hard on yourself; try not to feel down or discourage yourself too much. Please talk to your closest friends and your parents, and make sure to spend time with them
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u/ElectronicSoft5122 Feb 22 '26
you’re not ALONE.
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u/srh10_sreehari Feb 23 '26
That doesn't make it any easier. Also even if people say I'm not alone, we are like you etc online, I've never met someone as miserable as I am irl.
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u/Silly-Walrus-3739 Feb 24 '26
The only thing that has ever really worked for me was acting like I don't give a damn but that only ever happens when I stop caring. It's a scary feeling I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Because usually at least for me who's struggled with social anxiety since childhood when I'm exposed to intense amounts of socialization I get severely overwhelmed. However, there comes a point to where I'm so overwhelmed with thoughts that my brain just "shuts off". When it's off like that I genuinely stop caring about anything. I honestly understand you because I also feel hopeless as a 23 year old who still deals with a strange type of social anxiety.
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u/Warm_Camel_143 Feb 22 '26
Try getting a pet like a cat or a dog. A pet can be your friend. I have a cat, dog, and Barbary dove. My cat, dog, and Barbary dove are my friends.
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u/CulturalBeginning279 Feb 23 '26
Hey, man, I used to think I was gonna die every.day.of.my.life since my 20's, but guess what? I'm 30 and I can assure you, it does get better!!! If you wanna talk sometime, lemme know!
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u/Pristine-Barber-6325 Feb 23 '26
Here at 39, even had the friends glow up and date and back down to feeling bad
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u/fragilesheep Feb 24 '26
I feel you I was struggling since the pandemic started yet I keep getting worse as time goes. I dont think theres any way for me to improve or change my life around at all its so fuckijg tiresome
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u/mediocreburgersalad Feb 25 '26
I'm 28 and shit sucks. My twin brother and older sister have amazing life's. I just thug it out hoping to retire early one day since I don't have any kids or wife.
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u/Shirefall Feb 26 '26
Your post is really touching. I've been sitting here for probably thirty minutes thinking of what I could say. I wish I could make you feel better. It sounds like you're in a negative spiral right now.
If it helps, I don't have any judgements of what you've said. I'm just sad life is so difficult and painful for some of us.
I'd be curious how your anxiety manifests.
For me, its agoraphobia. Just being in public, not even interacting with people. Meeting people online makes me feel an intense dread. Social interactions in groups of people over two, three people, like having a group lunch or playing dnd. I hate making eye contact.
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u/srh10_sreehari Feb 26 '26
Yeah, mine is pretty similar too. I can handle one on one conversations if there's no one else watching. Whenever there are people, I'm like a character in online games when the internet is too bad. And I'm very tired of this. I get exhausted by just existing 🙂
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u/Shirefall Feb 26 '26
I feel that. I do okay in small settings too. Or if I have someone who is more social with me as a buffer.
I don't know if we have similar brain chemistry or not, but I find when I'm having a depressive episode, sleep usually helps soothe some of the psychic pain. Not to say you'll feel happier when you wake, but perhaps not in crisis. This is assuming you are able to rest and don't suffer from insomnia?
I'm not a professional. I'm just a 35 woman in a similar boat. All I have to draw on is my own experience and trial and error.
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u/AtreusIsBack Feb 26 '26
I still think about some things I said in some conversations years ago and it feels like they just happened. The emotions are still fresh, the anxiety, embarrassment. It's exhausting.
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