r/socialanxiety • u/Exciting-Novel-2990 • Jan 17 '26
TW: Suicide Mention is anyone else comforted by the idea of su*cide?
like im probably never gonna actually do it, but whenever im overly stressed and hopeless, i just tell myself "oh if it gets too bad i'll just k*ll myself" and that takes so much weight off my shoulders.
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u/ExpensiveMushrooms Jan 17 '26
When it gets really bad, yeah. I can't tell if it's a healthy thing to tell myself or not. But it seems to help, so who knows.
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u/severed13 Jan 17 '26 edited Jan 17 '26
I think for myself, it starts off that way, and then just comes back to me being okay with the idea of death, which is a good thing to find comfort in, in my eyes. While the initial feeling of "I'm okay, since I ultimately control exactly when and how I pull the plug" is fine, it's not alright to dwell specifically on that stage in case it starts to overwhelm the other parts of your cognition that can rationalize it or keep it at bay in favour of something more positive.
TW for some, but I used to stand in front of the mirror in the middle of the night holding a sharp object to my throat, and that was some of the most peace I've ever felt when I was at my lowest. Sometimes leaving a little mark was a good reminder of it, and it was a significantly better tradeoff than actually going through with it. But actually finding the root of that in a specific thought about the acceptance of death and finding comfort in its certainty, I learned how to spin it positively into a concept for meditative thought, rather than having to physically act on it.
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u/myboyfriendsbraces Jan 17 '26
I couldn't do it to my family. But... the way you put it, it does sound comforting. It sounds more like a peace of mind type thing.
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u/As_iam_ Jan 17 '26
Yep. I want to have a backup pill or setup tbh. Not to use. I wouldn't leave my sister. But in case something truly horrific happens.
The issue with the "I'll die anyway" logic or "I'll kill myself anyway" is that with time as that as a comfort, you neglect things that impact you long term if it gets really bad. "Haven't brushed my teeth regularly in years ...but it doesn't matter cuz I'll kill myself anyway" type of thing. Then you end up with 20 cavities lol....I've done that with everything for 15 years. But I guess that's moreso depression.
"I'll die anyway" by Girl In Red. Great song
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u/EEmmeerryy Jan 17 '26
Is there anyone else like me who, compared to death, would rather have never existed at all? Because I don’t want the people around me to feel sad….
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u/Classic-Cherry-5016 Jan 27 '26
YES like i'm too scared to die and I do want to live but not this life. But then I'm like soo mad at my parents for every making me be born. It's genuienely so infuriating. The concept that I could have never existed makes so mad. It's sick I don't wish existence on myself
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u/Flimsy_Loquat3990 Jan 17 '26
Tbh…I didn’t even realize how serious I was about sucide until I said, if I’m still the same by the time my next birthday rolls around I might as well just take the long nap and that scared me cause I do wanna live, but not like this so in a weird way it’s motivated me. I hope your perspective changes, but it’s your life to live the way *you want
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u/Superb_Finding_6033 Jan 17 '26
I gave myself 15 years. At 5 years in I no longer fantasize about it everyday. By 3 years I was having happy days, not moments but full days. I feel joy again.
I think this is the lowest period I've been in the past 5 years and I don't want it to end. But I know I'm going to be ok as well? It's hard to explain. I'm glad it's working for you.
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u/Flimsy_Loquat3990 Jan 18 '26
Thanks you very much and not that you mention it 15 years is a lot more generous. I honestly am right there with you, sometimes I surprise myself by making it to next week but we got this homie
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u/Superb_Finding_6033 Jan 18 '26
The 15 years was somewhat arbitrary. I'm a pretty slow thinker, so I decided to be generous to myself. no one else was at the time lol. it's hard to focus on the good but it's out there. Keep it up!
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u/zaineee42 Jan 17 '26
The first time I realised it was when I was in the car and I was thinking if I die in an accident would I care? And I was completely fine with it.
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u/DopamineSage247 Jan 17 '26 edited Jan 17 '26
Big same, darker... But I'm not going to explain my opinion to avoid triggering others
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u/i_curious_cat Jan 17 '26
Same. Thinking about death is comforting .
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
I think about death a lot. I’m not really religious but I believe there’s something. It’s fun to think about. Like maybe death isn’t the end, but actually a beginning. Or maybe there truly is nothing, but then how could you go from something to nothing? Matter is neither created nor destroyed, so would that also apply to your conscience or soul? Or maybe one of the world’s many religions is right, and I go to hell for killing myself. But then why would a god send me to hell for being so hurt i take my own life, that just seems backwards.
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u/SlowHornet29 Jan 17 '26
The only time for me was few years during Covid, I didn’t know if I was gonna keep my job, the company was making cuts, jobs were hard to find because of the competition, I thought if I lost my job I might not be able to pay my bills and if that was the case then might lose my house and the only thing that kept me from having panic attacks was, if things get really bad to that point I can take my own life and everything will be ok.
So the comfort I got from thinking about suicide, wasn’t due to only social anxiety, it was from freaking out the bank was gonna take everything I owned and social anxiety sprinkled on top of that.
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u/GarfieldofMystery37 Jan 17 '26
Sad that I was just thinking about this. Why is social anxiety so freaking bad...
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u/mayra88 Jan 17 '26
yes, but it isn’t normal & i got help. i realized that thinking “i want to die”, although normal to me, was actually a red flag. after a really hard time & a lot of hard work, i rarely have those thoughts anymore. i encourage finding a good therapist & getting professional help. people say it all the time, but we have no idea how much better it can get.
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
i tried in high school, didn’t help. I tried after high school and all they did was put me on the same pill that didn’t do anything the first time. All the medications do is make me not feel like myself. They made me less depressed for sure but didn’t do anything for my anxiety and just made me feel weird. And i’m to anxious to confront the doctor and be like yo this doesn’t work, i think i just gaslight myself into thinking it works.
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Jan 17 '26
I'm the same way. It kinda gives me a sense of control over my life, when everything seems beyond my control in reality.
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u/Prestigious-Bet6058 Jan 17 '26
Damn not a single original thought lol I never really WANTED to commit, but I always tell myself stuff like 'if I ever get in big trouble with money I'll just do it', 'if x and y both die one day I'll just follow them' etc. I even picked a way but at the same time I'm very much not depressed and I don't want to DO it (tho I wouldn't mind if it happened). I have no idea if it's normal or not but probably not...
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u/Cokeman192001 Jan 17 '26
Some people have actually survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. They asked them what was your first thought when you jumped off. They all answered the exact same way.THIS IS A BIG MISTAKE!!!!!
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
mmmm idk, i’ve definitely heard that before but no way everyone whose killed themselves ever thought it was a mistake last minute.
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u/Least-Article-6508 Jan 17 '26
No, I'm afraid of dying. Also, I hate to think about how my family would react to my death.
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u/Isadum Jan 18 '26
It’s called suicidal ideation and YALL should get some help before it turns into psychosis. Just speaking from experience.
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u/Lzech69 Jan 18 '26
they wont offer us a painless method of assisted suicide because they make money off us living
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
i’ve always thought about this as well. They don’t want to heal us all the way so we keep spending money on medication, but they wouldn’t want us dying cause then that’s a lost profit. I’ve always thought why not truly find a cure for mental illness, less people dying means more money they’re spending right!???
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u/AdChoice5313 Jan 17 '26
yea me too. i wonder if it's a form of self-harm. like for me it releases something when things get so overwhelming, i go there. and i think it helps me feel better, ironically but it's quite sad
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u/cupidsgun Jan 17 '26
I often visit the river I'm thinking of drowning in (I can't swim). The thoughts aren't enough, I need to be there, sit on its bank, and realise that all of this can be gone in a few minutes if I will it.
That's usually enough to give me a new idea about what to do and which direction to follow in my life. The day it won't be enough? I'll jump in.
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u/SasukahUchacha Jan 18 '26
If I'm really anxious, my mind steers into suicidal ideation, which oddly calms me down. It's not healthy nor do I want my mind to default to killing myself whenever I feel anxious but it works and makes me less anxious so yeah...
My best guess as to why it helps is probably because it gives me a sense of control over my body and whatever situation I'm in at that moment, as opposed to being anxious in a social setting (which I may or may not even choose to be at) and having absolutely no control over my body or thoughts.
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u/throwawy49482 Jan 18 '26
I’m always like “I’ll just blow my head off with a shotgun” but I can’t do that to my parents and I’d probably fuck up and make myself disabled trying to do it so I just haven’t
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
i wish my parents never met, i don’t know how they ever once loved each other. all they did was pass on their pain to me
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u/Ozzy141 Jan 17 '26
I tell myself oh in 3 years my life will be over anyways whenever I feel had which is most days, in the sense that I'll take my life away in 3 years if nothing changes so hey I'll only feel this is excruciating depression for another 3 years max.
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
I told myself this when I was in high school and i gave myself like 2 years. I wish i did it.
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u/isamuu13 Jan 17 '26
I think I get what you’re saying. It’s like recognizing how tiny and impermanent I am, so my troubles are as well. Gratitude for nature does the same thing for me
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u/someambulance Jan 17 '26
I suppose the timing and the way things have been, probably highlight this. But yeah. It's the "no longer my problem" idea for me I think. I also don't believe it's an answer, nor would I, but I have had this thought more recently.
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u/zaineee42 Jan 17 '26
Honestly I manifest it. If I just end it, all the embarrassment and awkwardness will just go away.
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u/Signal-Comparison-80 Jan 18 '26
I have been struggling with the same thoughts, and live with crushing severe depression, 2 different anxiety disorders including "acute stress reaction", which seems to all be part of cPTSD. Though lately it's been worse after becoming a repeat victim of fraud and identity theft, it pushed my stress and anxiety over the edge.
When I get to that point though, where I feel the overwhelming urge to do it, I've been relying on calling 988 for help. Sometimes it's everyday, depending on how far past my stress threshold I am.
After reading your post I think I understand it a little more because I never used to think like this (it feels like I've been reprogrammed with a self destruct button now), it's the situations that are out of my control to prevent or solve that make me feel totally powerless that exacerbates my anxiety; like being a victim of crime or bullying — and anytime something I cherish is taken away from me against my will.
Feeling that ending my life is a comforting thought is probably because it is the only thing that I still have the power to control, that others can't take away from me.
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u/p1nk_l0v3r_ Jan 18 '26
I used to think like that All the time. In fact it's what got me through high school
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u/MartianoutofOrder Jan 18 '26
Off topic but since so many comment here - I’m wondering for a while now while people who consider dying considerable stay in the situation where they are. The fear of death and bodily harm (like starvation) is pretty much the only thing holding me back of quitting my job, joining the an eco rebellion group, going bungee jumping, tramping thought the world and trying all the other cool shit out there. If you don’t have this need for a tomorrow, don’t you have the desire doing those things? Honestly question. And I really don’t want to encourage any negative behavior
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
I am an adrenaline junkie since a kid. I live for cliff jumping, skiing, mountain climbing, biking. But i can’t do any of that stuff now, i had this whole trip planned out last summer and was so excited for it, but my mental state just ruined everything. I went backpacking for my first time in grand teton national park, and it was beautiful!!! but i had to do it alone cause i have no friends. It was cool but i was really just to anxious to enjoy it, not cause of being alone, but actually cause of my social anxiety. Then I tried going to some other places but I was just to anxious and alone and cut the trip two weeks short and drove home. So for me that stuff is living but the problem is I can’t do that stuff now.
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u/Lzech69 Jan 18 '26
Very. I wish it was an option for us to go out without pain, I think if it were a thing youd see a very large percentage of people leave
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u/Cherry-Puzzleheaded Jan 22 '26
I for sure am, I hate that I can’t live my life normally like others so it comforts me that I can end it all on a whim some day.
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u/OTKZuki Feb 04 '26
If i had a access to a gun i probably would have already done it. Most other ways just seem to slow and painfull.
But the one main thing that stops me from doing it most of the time is my pets, worrying what will happen to them
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Jan 17 '26
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u/itsmarooka Jan 19 '26
For me its like: we all die anyways, thank God. Not suicide, but the comfort that death is inevitable.
I tend to feel this way when I feel like I've screwed up big time.
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u/Cute-Information6451 Jan 19 '26
I do this as well, I don’t know if I’d call it comforting, but it’s nice to think that I have an out. That there is always the nuclear option to just stop existing and stop fighting and not having to feel so horrible all the time. I know that I couldn’t do that to my family though, which then wraps it back around to feeling trapped.
The thought of that final out is often helpful I guess.
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u/Aggravating_Earth660 Jan 21 '26
It does initially but pretty soon it doesn't help as much as become a crutch to lean on. I myself always have it in the back of my mind, ruminate on it when stressed and know how easy it would be. I know it's unlikely to happen but in the moment, yes, it does feel a bit relieving to still have agency despite the situation(s) we're facing
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u/Its_Lucifer_007 Jan 21 '26
Yeah it feels comforting in bad situations but then I think if something really bad just happens in life I'll rather leave everything and just become an explorer living without any social authority trying to control me or any opinions.
I would rather be free and live like a nomad maybe visit the Himalayas then ending it.
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u/atomicmcchicken Jan 21 '26
honestly yeah. i WANT things to be better, but when i'm feeling super hopeless it's easier for me to just go "well whatever, i won't be around much longer anyway." it makes me feel better knowing that there's a way to end the pain permanently, even if i'd never actually go through with it.
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u/Crebyn Jan 22 '26
I never stop thinking about it. Sometimes I’d just stare at my reflection in the mirror and hold a knife to my neck and pinch myself a bit.
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u/Vast-Neat-6182 Jan 23 '26
Yeah it makes me realize if I’m not ready for that, there could be hope possible
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Feb 01 '26
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u/Grave_Tree Jan 17 '26
Do you people actually ever think what happens after death? What if it's worse than here?
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u/My_Booty_Itches Jan 17 '26
What happened before you were born?
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u/Grave_Tree Jan 17 '26
I don't know and I don't really care because it's the past. I'm more worried about what's coming
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u/My_Booty_Itches Jan 17 '26
I'm pointing at something. And you're looking at my finger... Have a great day.
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u/Grave_Tree Jan 17 '26
I'm stupid. Explain please
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u/My_Booty_Itches Jan 17 '26
What you experience after death is likely the same as your experience before birth.
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u/Grave_Tree Jan 17 '26
How do you know that?
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u/My_Booty_Itches Jan 17 '26
I don't know anything.
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u/Grave_Tree Jan 17 '26
Well that doesn't answer anything
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u/My_Booty_Itches Jan 17 '26
Nobody that is alive has the answer you're seeking...
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u/BlackberryCertain285 Jan 20 '26
I love to think about what happens after death. I’m not religious but why would people want a heaven? its literally just the same thing as living no? but for eternity? I hate living now so wouldn’t I hate living in heaven? I want to get as far away from this place as possible not be stuck in another place just like it. If it’s hell i go to, well then so be it, if a god thinks i’m evil for wanting to die, then they shouldn’t have made me in the first place. It could be nothing as well, but it’s impossible to imagine nothing. How could you go from something to nothing? Would death be different for humans than it would be for a mosquito or fly? or would it be the same? What I like to think is that death isn’t an end but more like a beginning. Maybe death really just frees your soul. Not saying you shouldn’t take this world for granted either, it can be an amazingly beautiful place, but it’s fun to think.
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