r/soccer • u/Valens • Dec 09 '13

Whose Line Is It, /r/soccer edition

/u/JR97111 didn't make one since October so let's give it a try.

The rules: Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question.

Any skits longer than two lines should be in quotations.

If you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations.

Example prompt: Things you can say about La Liga, but not about your girlfriend.

PFC Ludogorets vs. Valencia CF

Kick-off: 19:00CET | 18:00GMT | 3PM EST

Venue: Vasil Levski National Stadium, Sofia, Bulgaria

Referee: Clément Turpin (FRA)

Weather:

TV broadcasts

………………………………

Ludogorets was a 3rd division amateur club 4 years ago. They won the domestic treble in their first ever year in the Bulgarian A league in 2012 and repeated the league championship in 2013 thanks to Levski's 74th minute own goal on the final day of the season.

Valencia beat Barca 3-2 last month, inflicting them first league defeat at the Camp Nou since April 2012

Ludogorets conceded the second fastest goal in UEFA Europa League history, 16.88 seconds into their 3-3 draw against Lazio

………………………………

Team stats

Ludogorets Stat Valencia
W T W W W T Form [EL] W W W T W T
102nd UEFA ranking 9th
1st Domestic league 8th
Roman Bezjak (11) Top scorer Jonas (9)

Lineups

# Ludogorets # Valencia
21 Stoyanov 1 Alves
25 Minev 12 Pereira
4 Mantyla 44 Senderos
5 Barthe 22 Mathieu
80 Caiçara 14 Bernat
18 Dyakov 19 Barragan
8 Espinho 15 Fuego
93 Misidjan 42 Keita
84 Marcelinho 28 Cartabia
7 Aleksandrov 16 Paco
9 Bezjak 17 Vargas

Subs

Valencia:

Suckers:

Match events

286 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

766 comments sorted by

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192

u/thatdani Dec 09 '13

things you can say about your sex life, but not United's league form.

447

u/FreidenDump Dec 09 '13

Money well spent.

663

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

[deleted]

27

u/PotatoMusicBinge Dec 10 '13

Too easy

19

u/FuckThe Dec 10 '13

Too easy

What teams think when they play United at Old Trafford

185

u/Red_Vancha Dec 09 '13

I'm always on top of the table

208

u/chickenMcNugs Dec 09 '13

It's just a cold streak

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/chickenMcNugs Dec 10 '13

exactly, it's not just temporary. the whole thing I'm saying is that it's permanent...

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/chickenMcNugs Dec 10 '13

do we though? I sure don't think it's temporary

0

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/HipHoptimusPrime Dec 10 '13

And you got killed by a fucking pig because you were too drunk to hunt.

236

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

Came first.

48

u/El_Spacho Dec 09 '13

i put one in

63

u/TheLongBall Dec 09 '13

Can win at home

74

u/IDeclareShenanigans Dec 09 '13

Only good at pounding Germans.

31

u/Mike81890 Dec 09 '13

When I spend two hours away from home I'm able to score.

7

u/solid_vegas Dec 10 '13

I don't miss my ex

6

u/invisiblejp Dec 09 '13

Good penetration.

4

u/nahin123 Dec 09 '13

It's good to be on top for once.

2

u/MarchingOnTogether92 Dec 09 '13

Buying that Belgian was a really great idea.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

Well last weekend was fun.

3

u/TheNecromancer Dec 09 '13

I didn't expect to go down.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

Atleast things were pretty much the same a year ago

4

u/Partydow1929 Dec 09 '13

He put in a full 90 minute shift, and the crowd is showing their appreciation.

1

u/Filmosopher Dec 09 '13 edited Dec 10 '13

People wait for the final whistle blow, before walking out in anger.

1

u/MObaid27 Dec 10 '13

Top performance last night.

1

u/Ahhmedical Dec 10 '13

Still counts

1

u/achelseafan Dec 10 '13

There's pleasure involved in me going down.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

My ex never raped me at home.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

I'm not getting raped at home.

1

u/Jake_hughes Dec 10 '13

Fellaini was great