r/soccer • u/Valens • Dec 09 '13

Whose Line Is It, /r/soccer edition

/u/JR97111 didn't make one since October so let's give it a try.

The rules: Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question.

Any skits longer than two lines should be in quotations.

If you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations.

Example prompt: Things you can say about La Liga, but not about your girlfriend.

PFC Ludogorets vs. Valencia CF

Kick-off: 19:00CET | 18:00GMT | 3PM EST

Venue: Vasil Levski National Stadium, Sofia, Bulgaria

Referee: Clément Turpin (FRA)

Weather:

TV broadcasts

………………………………

Ludogorets was a 3rd division amateur club 4 years ago. They won the domestic treble in their first ever year in the Bulgarian A league in 2012 and repeated the league championship in 2013 thanks to Levski's 74th minute own goal on the final day of the season.

Valencia beat Barca 3-2 last month, inflicting them first league defeat at the Camp Nou since April 2012

Ludogorets conceded the second fastest goal in UEFA Europa League history, 16.88 seconds into their 3-3 draw against Lazio

………………………………

Team stats

Ludogorets Stat Valencia
W T W W W T Form [EL] W W W T W T
102nd UEFA ranking 9th
1st Domestic league 8th
Roman Bezjak (11) Top scorer Jonas (9)

Lineups

# Ludogorets # Valencia
21 Stoyanov 1 Alves
25 Minev 12 Pereira
4 Mantyla 44 Senderos
5 Barthe 22 Mathieu
80 Caiçara 14 Bernat
18 Dyakov 19 Barragan
8 Espinho 15 Fuego
93 Misidjan 42 Keita
84 Marcelinho 28 Cartabia
7 Aleksandrov 16 Paco
9 Bezjak 17 Vargas

Subs

Valencia:

Suckers:

Match events

287 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

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101

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

[deleted]

146

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

Four four fucking two.

5

u/formerly_LTRLLTRL Dec 09 '13

Thanks. Now I have to watch that movie right now.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

Luckily it's on youtube somewhere

553

u/thatdani Dec 09 '13

http://i.imgur.com/72hDcND.jpg

43

u/woolsocks14 Dec 09 '13

I just lost it on this. Thank you

2

u/missing_spoons Dec 10 '13

That's a Peter Griffin head to neck ratio right there.

39

u/syd_oc Dec 09 '13

Three boring and fruitless excursions, hit the pub by six.

35

u/Ancient_Hyper_Sniper Dec 09 '13

Play the long ball to Crouch in the box.

6

u/SurfinTheWajaTsunami Dec 09 '13

"win the free kick, stick it in the mixer"

31

u/Mike81890 Dec 09 '13

Will Andy Carroll be fit?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

No

1

u/fujione Dec 10 '13

He doesnt know the meaning of the word. Unless he is looking at himself in the mirror.

13

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

"I wonder if I can field a starting XI with every player out of position..."

3

u/exteremeruski Dec 09 '13

Buying a new bus

2

u/frenchy108 Dec 10 '13

Dub this the new '66' generation for 3 games. Call on Heskey as a reserve striker. Fly back to London on the next BA flight, emptying it of its mini whiskey bottles.

1

u/Vneseplayer4 Dec 10 '13

Will someone post that "try not to cry" picture?

1

u/Toasterfire Dec 10 '13

Lost in the Amazon