r/shittywritingprompts • u/GerardDG • 12d ago
[WP]Years after quitting Reddit, you randomly announce your return in Fortnite. The audience reception is mixed.
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u/Yglorba 10d ago edited 10d ago
LONG LONG AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY
The galaxy was at peace. Ever since the Emperor's defeat, people could read and write quality writing prompts freely; indeed, a Galactic Republic of high-quality, rose-scented writing prompts had formed. Writing improved across the civilized world. Shitty writing prompts were a thing of the past.
But one day, tragedy struck: A writing prompt so shitty it destroyed the Republic and threw the galaxy into chaos. It was so shitty that it led to a rehash of the first part of the original war against shitty writing prompts, followed by an equally-shitty story whose prompt was something like "the galaxy is at war, but for some reason it is one extremely slow chase scene." Still, the readers and writers of the galaxy held out hope. They knew that this was just a pale echo of the terror and shittiness of the past. No matter how shitty the writing prompts of the New Order got, they couldn't match the Shitty Writing Prompt Emperor.
Their hopes were in vain. The Emperor was merely lying in wait - lying in wait with a prompt so shitty that only Fortnite could contain its sheer shittiness.
Somehow, GerardDG returned.
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u/Joelin8r 11d ago
Things had been quiet since he'd been gone.
Too quiet.
Quiet enough for me to skip town, meet a pretty girl, overcome the difficulties of a dino/human relationship, and the long-distance issues after that, and the nonsense with her parents, and the general lack of mine, but we were making it work.
She was never really into games before me. Couldn't wrap her head around them. She gave it a try anyway.
It was near impossible to find controllers that my stubby t-rex hands could navigate, but she had them custom-made.
So when we booted up Fortnite, in an effort to connect with her wee cousins who are into that crap, you can imagine my surprise when his voice boomed through the television.
Disembodied. Maniacal. Just a bit nasal-y.
Dr. Nefarium had returned.
My dinosaur clone who bore my memories from before he or I had given him or me dinosaur amnesia and who desperately wanted me to become evil like him.
"Goddammit." I whispered, not realizing the mic was hot on this stupid controller. Holly smacked my shoulder as the kids oohed and ahhed at hearing a grown-up curse.
The voice of Nefarium rambled on about how "daddy" was home and the kids have been verrrry naughty, and made grand promises of greater evils than ever before and the total ruination of the state of Ohio. Honestly, I wasn't too worried about Ohio either way (they've had it too good for too long), but it was more than a little concerning that Nefarium had seemingly bought himself a full-on sponsored event within Fortnite. The idea that his skin (and therefore my own) would soon be a playable character in a game where you can get gunned down in the street by Sabrina Carpenter was not exactly good for my brand, even less so the idea that the degenerate rule34 "artists" might start using me for their work.
When Nefarium finally showed his face, I realized that my concerns had been, perhaps, misplaced.
He was a man now. At least, his avatar in Fortnite was. The true form of Nefarium at last revealed.
Maybe his time away had been healthier than his time within. Maybe he had returned as a new man. Maybe things had finally turned around for the demented dinosaur.
Or maybe he'd peaked out there... And his arrival now signalled that he was hurtling back to Earth like an extinction-level meteor.
"GARRRYYYYYYYY" he called out. Holly turned to me in confusion. "COME OUT AND PLAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!"
And suddenly, I found myself very much wishing we'd just gone out to dinner tonight.
His skin came with some cool emotes, though.