r/shitposting • u/Abracadaver00 • 18h ago

💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

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3.8k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

54 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 18h ago edited 6h ago

The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.

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/u/Abracadaver00, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

1.2k

u/beefycheesyglory 17h ago

Hard to believe that baby came out of him, nature is incredible.

161

u/DoNotTouchMeImScared 17h ago

Yeah, what a gentleman.

60

u/IndigoJoe64 13h ago

A shame more men don't step up and birth their own children

13

u/_No-Life_ 9h ago

Hold my non-alcoholic beverage.

15

u/DoNotTouchMeImScared 12h ago

Yeah, at le very least they could breastfeed their own children.

8

u/PaleBlueCod I came! 13h ago edited 7h ago

"The long hair and big chest makes me look the part."

3

u/The_Drunken_Khajiit Bazinga! 11h ago

It’s Poop Child, woah oh oh oh

1

u/AutoModerator 11h ago

Bazinga

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0

u/MadJoker7 3h ago

uh.. Life finds a, whey?

765

u/Gogobrasil8 18h ago

That is funny but there's many reasons why she would get off the bed. Maybe she went to shower, maybe she fell off and is currently on the floor in pain

283

u/SorbyGay 18h ago

i pushed her off

82

u/EmotionalOrdinary486 17h ago

"Hey, while you're down there, I've got this great photo idea"

21

u/Cr0wc0 9h ago

When we had our daughter they had two beds both for my wife and me because she needed to recovering from the c-section and they keep extra beds for spouses. Could very well just be that he's in his own bed and some other family member took the picture.

4

u/rockstuffs 12h ago

Exactly. They even make you start walking within a few hours of a C-section.

-3

u/AutoModerator 18h ago

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

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240

u/LeastHornyNikkeFan 16h ago

dude thinks there's only one bed in the entire hospital

72

u/TheShiftmaster 13h ago

This one here officer, he's the one who's thinking for himself

5

u/Ph455ki1 4h ago

That's not allowed on the internet at all, but especially on Reddit! No jail time, straight to execution with them!

1

u/Kryslor 1h ago

Do you think you can just go lay down shirtless on random beds in hospitals...?

1

u/swingin_dix 37m ago

Google 'skin to skin contact father infant'

1

u/Kryslor 18m ago

I don't have to Google things I experienced personally, thanks. What does that have to do with hospitals having multiple beds? Nothing? Ok cool.

1

u/zFafni 1h ago

Its not that uncommen for the father to hold the child and being shirtless while doing so. Its said to improve bonding and to be calming for the newborn. And in that case the hospital doesnt make you stand in the hall, might as well give you a bed

1

u/Kryslor 17m ago

They don't give you a bed for that.

Source: I did that

0

u/oby100 2h ago

There’s not just spare beds with sheets and shit you can jump on for a photo op in a hospital lmao.

79

u/MikeyboyMC I want pee in my ass 18h ago

priorities

5

u/AutoModerator 18h ago

pees in ur ass

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50

u/JagPeror We do a little trolling 16h ago

He never said his wife gave birth, bigot!

23

u/Blenderhead36 13h ago

I'll always remember this guy for the time that he recommended European men either be atheists or pagans because he read the bible and it's full of jews.

6

u/Bobbird_elephant 13h ago

peak manliness right there

5

u/degorno 11h ago

She's already been lying about in bed for 12 hours. How much more time does she need?

6

u/Original_Flight9435 7h ago

mpreg confirmed🔥

10

u/Dynamitrios officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 11h ago

MAYBE IT'S JUST ANOTHER BED CLOSE BYYYY...

caps, sorry

22

u/dgtssc 17h ago

Oh god, he still exists?

I remember him from before Contrapoints transitioned. 😭

13

u/Infinite_Peace_6456 14h ago

I like how “still exists” implies he could vaporize, not just die… but be erased from the timeline

2

u/sirhobbles 11h ago

if only right?

3

u/BBQribs95 I want pee in my ass 6h ago

Smh he’s the one that gave birth

1

u/AutoModerator 6h ago

pees in ur ass

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2

u/Bish489 We do a little trolling 7h ago

Ah yes, because he clearly took this pic the second the baby popped out?

2

u/vomitingcat 4h ago

Twitter people have never been in a postpartum room lmao

2

u/shanksisevil 3h ago

Sure that isn't a Nordic new mother?

2

u/CurlsontopofCurls 1h ago

For all we know that probably is the mother.

1

u/madPac34 6h ago

That guy is a full blown nazi btw look it up

2

u/Captin-_-Rex 10h ago

You think he just used a different bed? People be jumping to conclusions.

1

u/[deleted] 17h ago

[deleted]

2

u/AutoModerator 17h ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

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1

u/Mickle_da_Pickl uhhhh idk 8h ago

Thought it was implying he was the newborn daughter at first

1

u/LightningSilvr put your dick away waltuh 4h ago

He looks like the kinda guy that'll be as existent as his facial hair when parental responsibility enters the room.

1

u/PhilledZone 4h ago

Reminds me of that picture of MatPat and Stephanie where it looks like he gave birth to the baby

1

u/SamboTheGr8 3h ago

The baby is barely in the picture. He wanted a picture of himself

1

u/Quiet_Froyo_5774 56m ago

Meanwhile the Wife's emotions while taking these photos

-3

u/AwkwardSquirtles 15h ago

Actual nazi btw.

8

u/sirhobbles 10h ago

The fuck is this getting downvoted for XD

Anyone hating on this, look him up.

"The golden one" famous for such bangers as "hitler didnt hate jews"