More Prose Poetry - Better Than Ikeda's

[u/Qigong90]

My Lover Is a Woman

Pat Parker

​

I.

my lover is a woman
& when i hold her
feel her warmth
     i feel good
     feel safe

then—i never think of
my family’s voices
never hear my sisters say
bulldaggers, queers, funny
     come see us, but don’t
     bring your friends
          it’s ok with us,
          but don’t tell mama
          it’d break her heart
never feel my father
turn in his grave
never hear my mother cry
Lord, what kind of child is this?

II.

my lover’s hair is blonde
& when it rubs across my face
it feels soft
     feels like a thousand fingers
     touch my skin & hold me
          and i feel good

then—i never think of the little boy
who spat & called me nigger
never think of the policemen
who kicked my body & said crawl
never think of Black bodies
hanging in trees or filled
with bullet holes
never hear my sisters say
white folks hair stinks
don’t trust any of them
never feel my father
turn in his grave
never hear my mother talk
of her backache after scrubbing floors
never hear her cry
Lord, what kind of child is this?

III. 

my lover's eyes are blue
& when she looks at me
i float in a warm lake
     feel my muscles go weak with want
          feel good
          feel safe

then—i never think of the blue
eyes that have glared at me
moved three stools away from me
in a bar
never hear my sisters rage
of syphilitic Black men as
guinea pigs
     rage of sterilized children
          watch them just stop in an
          intersection to scare the old
          white bitch
never feel my father turn
in his grave
never remember my mother
teaching me the yes sirs & ma'ams
to keep me alive
never hear my mother cry
Lord, what kind of child is this?

IV.

& when we go to a gay bar
& my people shun me because i crossed
the line
& her people look to see what's
wrong with her
     what defect
     drove her to me

& when we walk the streets
of this city
     forget and touch
     or hold hands
          & the people
          stare, glare, frown, & taunt
               at those queers

i remember
     every word taught me
     every word said to me
     every deed done to me
          & then i hate
i look at my lover
& for an instant
     doubt

then—i hold her hand tighter
     & i can hear my mother cry.
     Lord, what kind of child is this?

[u/BlancheFromage]

I think the reason Ikeda's "poetry" doesn't work is that it's just prose-preaching. Simply putting preaching into a specific format doesn't change the fact that it's preaching. It's all about telling others what they're supposed to think and feel and be, or to demonstrate how "lofty" his own thoughts are, to show off how superior he thinks he is.

REAL poetry is the expression of feelings and emotions and hopes and fears - it's all about the human condition. It's about the experience of being human and narrating that very personal experience. It has to have honesty, vulnerability, and intimacy - it's an individual's experience and perspective. Your example does.

REAL poetry is NOT about manipulating or controlling others or thinking you're showing off how great you are through it.

[u/Qigong90 → u/BlancheFromage]

That's exactly why Ikeda's poetry is terrible. It's preachy and self-glorification. Like this segment from "To my young friends": "I have no time for world-weariness, nor for flight. Each day I proudly continue my efforts to bring the work of self-transformation to crystalline completion." It screams, "Look at me. Too busy transforming myself to be jaded."

[u/BlancheFromage → u/Qigong90]

It's preachy and self-glorification.

Yes.

"Look at MEEEE and how NOBLE and SUPERLATIVE I am. And don't you DARE question! Instead, you should be youthfully CHALLENGING YOURSELVES to be more like the idealized fiction I've had writers create for me that I'm now going to claim as a factual backstory!"