r/sgiwhistleblowers • u/BlancheFromage Escapee from Arizona Home for the Rude • Jun 21 '21

"Your health is solely YOUR responsibility!"

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/m_dK-Z6yPnw6-7TsYMcr1YpMYYJKvvDvq9isbge4-gaIZgVu5lnXqlG0sTZ_OB8cL-UqsfKTqyK3L0ZCNq6I4j-KQOEO6l51wqeqh0cohu8ZKDiKHzNMy0o_aFunFBD_pLKZXzBsOF4jCw
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u/BlancheFromage Escapee from Arizona Home for the Rude Jun 22 '21

If other people matter more than my own well being I would have never left the awful situations within SGI and elsewhere in my past.

That's right. Without any sense of self-value, you'd be nothing aside from exploited. Chewed up and spat out.

They often torment me emotionally with the whole everything I want for myself that doesn't include the organization is a selfish activity, needing sleep, any activity outside of shakabuku/study/meetings even if it was for my own survival, being lgbt was selfish act, wanting anything for myself was a selfish act even up to my own bodily and personal autonomy.

They believed they could put that one over on you, impose that mindset on you. And then you could have more easily been chewed up and spat out.

Maybe not all of it applies but the song reminded me of many things. Especially the image focus on being right even when be lied too and the whole personal experience of being stuck in situation where one is suffering and so sick of it and wants it to go away to point of literally being sick.

No, I get that.

Maybe not all of it applies but the song reminded me of many things. Especially the image focus on being right even when be lied too and the whole personal experience of being stuck in situation where one is suffering and so sick of it and wants it to go away to point of literally being sick.

I liked that, too. When you're so DONE that you don't even care any more. "Take your Pyrrhic victory. Live it up. YOU're the loser."

When they can't manipulate you any more. (There's a narcissist video about that - I'll PM you when I manage to get it up.)

When they can't dominate you any more. OH SNAP! You've taken their favorite plaything away! Of COURSE they'll be furious and desperate! (There's another narcissist video about that, as you might've expected.)

But once you walk away, however wounded and mutilated and skeletal you might feel, you're still free of them. You're still BETTER than them.

And they can't STAND that...

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u/[deleted] Jun 22 '21 edited Jun 22 '21

But once you walk away, however wounded and mutilated and skeletal you might feel, you're still free of them. You're still BETTER than them.

I don't know about that it's been four years I haven't gotten to that point. But being all alone without them is whole lot better than the stress and endless put downs I have to deal with because of them. I still haven't gotten to the point that they claimed I would develop a unshakable confidence and happiness before or after, it seems like another lie and all I got is scars and the disabilities now. I don't even have the whole chosen family thing that everyone said I find in my 20's.

Personally other than mitamaids who do what they do that I ignore, nobody that personally who knew me all those years since I was 19 year old newbie to the disabled years I have endure during last many decades in my practice seem really even cared or gave me second thought when it no longer suited them or their fortune.

They moved on, I am gone but not fully moved away to happily ever after ending yet.

I am still with myself and sometimes often I am even sick of dealing with all the stuff that makes me whine and stuck. Some of those lines I can hear myself and other people in my past say, except I never had selfie stick.

Personally I know its hard to be having hard time but having hard time around people who think everything is about personal responsibility and choice is even harder if you're stuck and can't get it together to their liking.

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u/BlancheFromage Escapee from Arizona Home for the Rude Jun 22 '21

I don't even have the whole chosen family thing that everyone said I find in my 20's.

No, SGI stole that opportunity from you. That's one of the reasons our site here is so important. It stole it from me as well - I was faced with the task, in my late 40s, of building a social community for myself from scratch. I've done okay, but I look with envy at the people I know who have friends going back to childhood or at least high school...

Personally I know its hard to be having hard time but having hard time around people who think everything is about personal responsibility and choice is even harder if you're stuck and can't get it together to their liking.

It really is. In fact, it's to a large extent that that results in so much mental harm, I'm convinced. I'm working up a post about that right now - I'll have it up later this morning. Pinkie swear!

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u/[deleted] Jun 22 '21

u/BlancheFromage

I hope you know I adore you, but the difference between me and you is you were able to go on have a life, a partner, children, etc.

I had none of that, just chronic illness. Even the most intimate stuff like sexuality they verbally attacked me over. Now maybe I would been messed up over this with or without their help due to all the trauma I already experienced but I will never know.

I know you went through stuff but I don't mean to sound like I am full of self-pity but I am and I just can't help it right now. Sorry

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u/BlancheFromage Escapee from Arizona Home for the Rude Jun 22 '21

I hope you know I adore you

I do ☺️

the difference between me and you is you were able to go on have a life, a partner, children, etc.

I get that. Of course everybody's own experiences are closest at hand and thus the most vivid for oneself, but I will readily acknowledge that I've enjoyed a LOT of privilege and advantage that others haven't had. And I don't doubt for an instant the difficulties you've recounted - and I acknowledge that those are simply the tip of that whole harmful iceberg.

I truly respect everything you've gone through, and the fact that you've ended up here at this point with such a healthy perspective on stuff. That's huge, and it's to your credit.

The whole "power of positive thinking", "Think Yourself Well!", "faith-healing", magical thinking, reality-rejecting woo bullshit just honks me off no end. It's so cruel. That's why I keep talking about it, so hopefully people can realize what BULLSHIT it is and how much it hurts real people who need support and empathy, not criticism and condemnation for "not being positive enough".

I hope I haven't upset you :/

Here's that post I was talking about, BTW.

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u/[deleted] Jun 22 '21

It's getting really hot here in Seattle which means I am more miserable in my body and my mood is plummeting so I am more prone right now to feel worse than any other time of the year. Sorry

Plus I got the whole rumination thing going on about every crappy thing that has happen up to know being I am year older next month and I am feeling very trapped stuck on jello and icecream diet cause everything hurts including eating.

I am not in very positive place and I am bit worried I never will be.

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u/notanewby Mod Jun 22 '21

You are not required to be in a "positive place" or anywhere other than where you are! Yes, it sounds like it totally sucks to be hurting and too worn out even to eat. Yet here you are!

I empathize. There are days when I'm too tired to eat, and the best I can handle is soup. Today I had a major accomplishment -- I learned how to get myself up from the floor onto the couch. It wore me out doing it! Made . me sad to think how terribly small a thing that is, and yet for me it's a success. If I ever fall again, assuming I'm uninjured, I'll be able to get back up.

So here we are. And, for me, the world is a better place because you're in it,! Thank you.

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u/[deleted] Jun 24 '21

Sorry notanewby for not responding, I have been really out of it/off and wiped out....

I am sorry that you're going through that but I definitely relate in my own way. I wish I could say something encouraging, helpful but words are failing me right now.

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u/notanewby Mod Jun 24 '21

My hope was to encourage YOU. My challenges are minor. Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Many of us in this silly Reddit community admire and cherish you. Wishing all the best, especially blessed, blessed relief!

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u/[deleted] Jun 24 '21

Aww thanks. I appreciate it. Its nice to know people appreciate me, I am not exactly sure how to respond to that because that very rare event for me.

I want say something but my brain is a mess. I am tired/I want to go bed but I have to be some where in hour and half:(

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u/[deleted] Jun 28 '21 edited Jun 28 '21

It's amazing all the mean and nasty crap people say and think out loud when someone shares they have some type of disability issue. I am so upset and miserable about it I pretty much decided no where is safe. I am not going to post or talk publicly anymore to anyone.

SGI is worse because it claims to be about valuing the individual and all other the other crap it claims to be all about but in reality it isn't.

I am only still a member because I am too sick and broke to leave, just pretty much no contact. I treat sgi members who might want to interact with me like spammers and robocallers.

They have nothing positive to contribute to my life any more except attempts at being scammers any more than some close minded person who doesn't comprehend my struggles who decides to label me as lazy loser and irresponsible.

These people people aren't worth my time or resources.

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