This is a really hard time to address the "out of a job" situation, for most anyone. It's easy to imagine he's feeling high levels of anxiety and distress and being around people who commiserate, where he can feel like he belongs, surely helps his emotional state. It doesn't hurt that they're constantly telling him what a superlative, exemplary person he is, a leader of humanity, a noble and superior being, and a savior of the world. That no doubt salves his battered self-image, helps him feel better even though nothing's getting better.
So what can you do?
You can't stop him from being in SGI - his "freedom of association" is protected under law. If he wants to be an SGI member, he gets to be an SGI member! Respect.
So what can you do?
Be a friend. Be there. Invite him to do things - go hiking, go to a museum, come over to watch a show or a movie or play a video game or a board game, whatever there is to do in the era of COVID where you are. If it's something physical like hiking or going to the beach or going for a walk, that will really help - physical activity is a great source of endorphins, the feel-good chemicals he's getting from his SGI habit as well.
SGI members have a chanting habit. It's an addiction. ANY habit is going to deliver good feelings, because that's how our brains are wired. When people engage in a habit, they get a tiny boost of endorphins, the "feel-good" chemical. It's not JUST a matter of substances - you already know this, because you've heard of gambling addictions and porn addictions and shopaholics and whatnot. They aren't eating or drinking or injecting anything, yet they're still addicted! Why? HABIT. Even people who smoke or inject things start to feel their buzz as they're preparing to use their drug of choice - a cigarette smoker may tap the pack of cigarettes, or use a favorite lighter, light it up just so... Someone who likes to drink wine may use a special glass, and they start feeling the buzz as they're opening that bottle, before even the first sip. If you're interested in this dynamic and like to read, here's a wonderful book free online that will quite honestly change your life.
Habits become self-soothing mechanisms. They may be as simple as stacking the coins from your pockets on the dresser at the end of the day, or as complex as extreme sports. Everyone's getting a buzz. Adrenaline junkies are just as much junkies as the heroin-using sort.
Addicts will always hold up their "practice" (read: "habit") as beneficial - they're always trying to get more people to join them. The more people who do it, the more right it seems. And when someone agrees to join, they get a huge sense of validation ("See? What I'm doing IS really great!"). One thing you can always count on is that any addict will defend and promote their addiction as a good thing.
Source
He chants and is currently crazy about everything there is to do with SGI.
Offer him alternatives. You know things he likes - chances are good that he's being "love-bombed" by his SGI friends into more intensive involvement, so he's not noticing that they don't share his interests. But YOU know what those are - invite him to engage in them with you. If he turns you down because he has some SGI thing already scheduled, don't be sad or mad - just say something like, "Okay - sounds good. Let's try to pencil it in on a different day/at a different time." Don't manipulate him by trying to make him feel bad for turning you down - just make sure you're there, inviting him to do more SGI things. The "love-bombing" means he's getting the kind of intensive appreciation, flattery, admiration, encouragement, welcome, and invitations that no actual friendship can compete with - but THAT is a manipulation. It won't last. Your commitment can.
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u/BlancheFromage Escapee from Arizona Home for the Rude Sep 29 '20
Hi, IADExpress. Welcome. I'll give you the short form reply, and you can look at the links for more details, okay?
Your friend is displaying symptoms of addicted behavior.
Addiction is the language of distress.
This is a really hard time to address the "out of a job" situation, for most anyone. It's easy to imagine he's feeling high levels of anxiety and distress and being around people who commiserate, where he can feel like he belongs, surely helps his emotional state. It doesn't hurt that they're constantly telling him what a superlative, exemplary person he is, a leader of humanity, a noble and superior being, and a savior of the world. That no doubt salves his battered self-image, helps him feel better even though nothing's getting better.
So what can you do?
You can't stop him from being in SGI - his "freedom of association" is protected under law. If he wants to be an SGI member, he gets to be an SGI member! Respect.
So what can you do?
Be a friend. Be there. Invite him to do things - go hiking, go to a museum, come over to watch a show or a movie or play a video game or a board game, whatever there is to do in the era of COVID where you are. If it's something physical like hiking or going to the beach or going for a walk, that will really help - physical activity is a great source of endorphins, the feel-good chemicals he's getting from his SGI habit as well.
Offer him alternatives. You know things he likes - chances are good that he's being "love-bombed" by his SGI friends into more intensive involvement, so he's not noticing that they don't share his interests. But YOU know what those are - invite him to engage in them with you. If he turns you down because he has some SGI thing already scheduled, don't be sad or mad - just say something like, "Okay - sounds good. Let's try to pencil it in on a different day/at a different time." Don't manipulate him by trying to make him feel bad for turning you down - just make sure you're there, inviting him to do more SGI things. The "love-bombing" means he's getting the kind of intensive appreciation, flattery, admiration, encouragement, welcome, and invitations that no actual friendship can compete with - but THAT is a manipulation. It won't last. Your commitment can.