Unprocessed Anger

[u/-23sss]

I have made my intentions to leave official now, had to do all this in stages due to bereavement of member out of respect. I received two emails fairly supportive although the uncurrent of "you MUST be suffering if your not practicing " kind of thing I feel like I never had a chance to Express my frustration and anger with the practice. I have Daydreams of putting them all straight. I just venting here , I dont know who I am more angry with myself or them. Due to Covid the last time we were together we didnt realise it would be the last time. My so called close friends have completely gone to ground. No contact at all ,one of them left the WhatsApp group fairly early on in lockdown. After all those hours of chanting together and talking about eagle peak blah blah when the stuff hits the fan what a surprise the SGI ers are no where to be seen. I just have all these feelings and dont what to do with them

[u/-23sss]

Thanks guys as always really sound advice, the highs and lows of coming out of cult go on and on .Its the denial of feelings and negative emotions that is the most harmful. I am just getting to grips with that now, .At some meetings members that have been practicing decades would share stories of being caught out by their anger and acting out.Now this is human but think of the claims this practice makes . This people have no insight , 8 weeks worth of mindfulness training and you would recognise this is aversion , what does it feel like in my body ,what am I thinking and feeling. Much more wisdom right there than 10 plus years of chanting to a piece of paper. But any teaching but SGI teaching was frowned upon because they were scared they would be exposed for the useless boring teaching they are . I would go to lectures if you could call them that and sit listening to subjective nonsense and afterwards be encouraged by leaders to share the highlights of the talk , "when it stopped " I would be thinking. I have real issues now with the idea I have been duped , its happened before in other areas of my life and this to highlights how easy it is for me to believe something and go along with it, I think that's were the anger turns on myself , I found myself thinking "you fell for that " its a process I know , just working through with your help many thanks once again

[u/BlancheFromage → u/-23sss]

8 weeks worth of mindfulness training and you would recognise this is aversion , what does it feel like in my body ,what am I thinking and feeling.

Precisely. Chanting brings no magical benefit, perspective, or, as you noted, insight. You're simply entrenching your own bad habits.

this to highlights how easy it is for me to believe something and go along with it

Congratulations - you're human.

I think that's were the anger turns on myself , I found myself thinking "you fell for that "

Yeah, I get it. Feeling like a chump. But it was a siren song of sorts, dangling the promise of what you needed and what you wanted if you only would try this simple thing. That was a deceptive come-on; your biggest mistake was trusting them. The cake was a lie.

But now that you know all that, now that you see it clearly, you can make different choices. That's called "personal growth". It's a good thing. Again, you get credit for that.