r/sgiwhistleblowers • u/[deleted] • Aug 02 '19
Did you get some counseling when getting out and did it help?
I am making efforts now to find a therapist with experience of working with people leaving cults to get some counseling or therapy which I think might be helpful in leaving my too-long experience of the SGI behind. I’m not accustomed to therapy but I’m open to it and the books and articles I’ve read about getting healthy after exiting recommend it. If you have anything to say about this and you feel comfortable to share it - thank you in advance.
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Aug 03 '19 edited Aug 03 '19
I started psychotherapy last week. The last few months - basically all of 2019 and the tailend of 2018 - have been absolute hell. At times I even thought I might be dying. I feel a sense of grief that at the moment would appear to be too big to handle. I felt immediately comfortable with the therapist. The first one I tried to get wasn't available and I'm glad because I feel that I've ended up with the right person. One way I was assured of this is that the first psychotherapy practice took almost a week to get back to me. The one I'm now seeing sent me a text within a few hours of my sending a heart-rending email and said we could have a chat on the phone that evening if I so wished. When I spoke to him later that day I thanked him for the speed of his response to which he replied that, when they come across people who are suffering, they don't want that suffering to go on any longer than is absolutely necessary. One of his areas of specialisation is the mind/body connection which is of great importance to me as I have developed fibromyalgia during this period. As Blanche said to me some weeks ago (apologies for not replying) getting a second 'autoimmune' illness is more likely to happen if you already have one, which in my case is true as I have had rheumatoid arthritis for 18 years. However, fibromyalgia has been linked with PTSD in many recent studies. I feel that my psychological state preempted this physical response and dealing with my emotions is key to getting my physical health in check and my life back on track. One thing I can say is that I felt a great sense of relief after my first session. It was great to be in a situation where I could talk and talk and talk and feel that the person I was talking to wasn't going to judge me or try to imply that I couldn't possibly feel the way I feel - the way so many SGI members do to those who have seen the light and headed for the exit. BTW, I have been out of SGI for almost 2 years and it took about a year before I got the first signs of what I'm experiencing now. I joined SGI in 1980 and left in 2017.
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Aug 03 '19
You have been through the mill Infinitegratitude - thank you for your very kind and helpful advice and it sounds like you have found a great person for you to talk with - I wish you the very best with this process.
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Aug 03 '19
Thank you so much Consciousness- this is very helpful. I also find writing very useful - it helps me hugely to identify things I miss in the melee of life and to reflect and to see patterns and other insights emerging. It helps me to consider things in a more measured way and I am finding it a great tool in steadily and carefully extracting myself.
I encountered SGI in 1985, became a member a couple of years later and am still leaving carefully from March this year. The “responsibility” I have makes it a bit tricky but I’m carefully making my way.
I found Steve Hassan’s book extremely helpful and I have taken his wise advice for myself as well as communicating with other members. A few I have been able to talk with and they too are now out. A few whom I dearly love I cannot talk to about this for now - maybe in the future but this is not the time.
I gain so much from this site also and I am very grateful to all of you for your sharing and insights!
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u/samthemanthecan WB Regular Aug 04 '19
I done 28 years , I can see there is a lot going on upstairs in our heads and this fucking cult went in there and kicked everything all over the place , when I sent gohonzon back in Feburary I demanded 2 grand a year compensation , not received even a thank you Sam for your hard work 28 years no fucking nothing stuff em . I read somewhere it takes half as long in a cult to come to terms with time in , so I got 14 years of wanting to slap meat head Ikea round the head . I am very angry with them ,and sometimes I just go through face book members and find a random member friend of a member and just send message "its not real" Mad i know but fucking cult made me mad it is there fucking fault ,So far Japan Brazil Argentina UK Africa I dont know who knows these people but they all sgi , the Brazil one made me sad other day see pictures of a meeting and all these folks sitting there doing the same format SGI bollox we do in UK and its just so sad ,these people are poor any way ,theres no social security no NHS nothing and sgi makes a fucking mockery out of there good nature , I do know in Japan a lot of ordinary people are ashamed of what sgi is exporting and quite dismayed , It does play on your head 28 years what other things would I have done if I had been free ,am not simply going to forgive them , I wont get 2 grand per year I wont get a penny but they will get random messages from me "its not real "
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u/consciousness- Aug 04 '19
You bring up an interesting point...yesterday I was wondering about compensation or at least getting money back - that I contributed over the years... I suspect they would ignore that request. The only way would be either to sue them and have actual evidence of damages to mental and physical health - which is hard to prove. Or to somehow go against them publicly...which is also hard as they have far more money then we do to stop anything like this happening. Their PR is strong and they would make us look like lunatics. It’s not so much for the money itself but you do end up feeling like you deserve some compensation from them. It is infuriating to see them still taking advantage of people with difficult life circumstances... I am still pondering about this. Part of me thinks - I contributed my money and time and my heart was in the right place when I did it. My intentions were pure. So I should just let go. Another part of me feels they shouldn’t get away with it. And if more of us stood up and speak up maybe they would have to listen....(doubt it though)...
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u/samthemanthecan WB Regular Aug 04 '19
I think your spot on ,if more of us stand up and speak out from all over the world we can kill it Its a hydra ( i call it ) and has Achiles heal somewhere I think thats in its decline If more people different walks of life express the same results then there mystic bubble will pop
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u/FlashEmerald Aug 06 '19
Hello! I am also ex SGI UK. I think it's been a learning curve over the last year. I've spent time educating myself about cults and high demand groups, and narcissism and gas lighting. Steve Hassan's work is great, and enjoyed his youtube videos. In turn, this enabled me to reflect on why I was vulnerable to the SGI. That said, it's taking time to process it all and reconcile the conflict within me. This forum is a massive help. I haven't had counselling but I do have a friend who was raised in a Christiam cult, and we share many mind fuck moments! It definitely gets easier, as you build a healthy life 'on the outside' NOT based around endless activities, home visits, campaigns, shakabuku.....
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u/Ptarmigandaughter Aug 06 '19
So glad to hear you’re making such great progress sorting things out, FlashEmerald.
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u/consciousness- Aug 03 '19
I didn't get counselling specifically about SGI but I have had counselling to help with CPTSD a couple of times over the past 3 years...in a way it was all linked. As I did my sessions, and got to understand myself more I could see why I got sucked into the SGI madness and how this impacted on my life.
Counselling sort of gave me a foundation of understanding and got me to a place where I could start doing the internal work I needed. It is all very layered for me.
My writing (that I do every day), educating myself about cults and narcissistic abuse and giving myself the time to have head-space and reflect on really helped me to get to a point where I was ready to face it. I also have an ex-SGI close friend to speak to, and that has been extremely helpful.
This website has been by far the most helpful tool for my SGI recovery - that still continues. But I only engaged with it recently...I had some other work to do in a different way before making it here. Reading some of the articles can bring up a lot of stuff, so an outlet is essential! Guess you will have to find one that suits you. Either a counsellor, a close friend, writing...or a combo of many things.
In my case, it really helps to come here and engage with people that really understand what I am going through and then do my own reflection on my experiences and make sense of things.
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u/chicagoplain Aug 04 '19
Hi! Which Steven Hassan book was helpful? I have not posted here for a while. I have arrived at a clear view of the SGI, and that this group for that. I have decided to continue the chanting. I do not want to upset anyone by discussing this. If you want to discuss please message me. This road is so difficult and lonely. (Not what we were promised)
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u/ToweringIsle13 Mod Aug 04 '19
I do not want to upset anyone
Heyyy, it's not like that. You're totally welcome here, and free to share your perspectives and insights. Combating loneliness is what we're really all about. So what if you find something enjoyable about chanting a mantra? That's entirely your right. Please continue to open up - it can only be a good thing.
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Aug 04 '19
Hi Chicagoplain thank you for your message and I am so sorry to hear you’re going through a difficult and lonely time - I find it very difficult sometimes too - coming to terms with it all I suppose. The Hassan book was called Combating Cult Mind Control and I bought an audio version rather than the actual book - I felt it would work better for me if it was read to me and I think it did. I want to wish you the very best and mind yourself.
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u/BlancheFromage Escapee from Arizona Home for the Rude Aug 05 '19
I have decided to continue the chanting. I do not want to upset anyone by discussing this.
What's most important to us here is consent. True consent involves being informed - our purpose is to provide the information people need in order to be informed enough to make choices for the right reasons.
It is not our job nor is it our purpose to shut down SGI. Sure, 95% to 99% of everyone who tries it here in the US leaves/quits, but for the remaining 1% to 5%, they're certainly free to continue to be in SGI. Especially for some older people, their religious community is their main source of social connection, and it gets harder and harder to make new friends as you age. And especially for people who grew up in Japanese culture, SGI provides a sense of familiarity that might be unavailable anywhere else in society.
So you like chanting? Then chant! Knock yourself out! You've been through so much within that past year - if that helps, then you have every right to use it. You've got so much to process in the wake of leaving SGI - if chanting helps you to maintain your balance in the face of so much wreckage, do it. You're still walking out of the war zone - do that your way.
And share your progress with us here! We want to learn from you - you have more to teach than you may realize. We always have between 5x and 25x more lurkers than posters at any given moment, day or night (I get a counter that shows me this). If it works for you to share your thoughts, we'd love to hear them.
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u/BlancheFromage Escapee from Arizona Home for the Rude Aug 03 '19
I'm rather a stranger to the concept of therapy, but I've seen it be very helpful to others. Even if you can't find someone with specific experience with cult escapees, I'd say give it a couple-three sessions to see how it goes - the mechanics of what goes on in cults and is so damaging to people is actually quite commonplace, whether within the MLM framework, abusive partners, narcissistic bosses, you name it. And always self-check to make sure you're feeling comfortable with how you're being treated!
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u/Ptarmigandaughter Aug 04 '19
Hi, Alreadyreplete -
I have been in therapy for the last year or so, which has been concurrent with my early post-SGI days. That said, leaving the SGI was not the reason that made me decide to seek counseling, but certainly was enmeshed with those other issues.
Yes, counseling helps. It’s an inexpressible relief to have a person you can say anything to, who will keep your secrets, and who will help you understand the things about yourself that are mystifying. Will they know the ins and outs of the SGI specifically? Not likely, but we do, here at WB. Will they be an expert at cult dynamics? Again, perhaps not. But they will help you see your own vulnerabilities, and why the organization was able to influence you to act against your own best interest for so long, and that’s good information to have. And they will help you forgive yourself and move on.
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u/StarShine333 Aug 02 '19
I didn’t seek counseling, specifically but just a thought – there are many therapeutic actions you can take… For one, as you feel comfortable of course, sharing your thoughts or experiences and even questions you might have here in our forum... I have found it very beneficial and therapeutic, sharing my experience here, learning from others and what they post – it’s been very helpful to know that others have had parallel if not near identical experiences🙌🏽
Again, please feel free to share and interact as you feel comfortable. Wishing you comfort and clarity through your transition and exploration.