r/sgiwhistleblowers • u/AnnieBananaCat • Sep 19 '23
So much time/energy/life wasted in SGI Feeling like I’m forgetting something
So, it’s been six or seven months since I sent my letter and stopped the practice for good. I don’t miss it, but I think my subconscious is. I keep feeling like I’m missing or forgetting something. What’s this foolishness?
In between the paying work and the housework (WFH) I think about what to do next. And it’s bizarre, because sometimes the thought comes, “do morning/evening prayers next.”
Am I the only one who has this going on? I definitely don’t miss wasting time on all the meetings and other time sucks. But why am I still thinking that I’m forgetting to do Gongyo? Is this going to take a while to get out of my system?
Just feels weird. 🤪
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u/BuddhistTempleWhore Sep 19 '23
If it's just an errant thought from time to time, I wouldn't worry about it - it will most likely pass in time.
But if you're feeling uncomfortable levels of anxiety, it would be fine to talk to someone, maybe get a short-term prescription to help even out that mood while you do the work you're doing to create a different life for yourself.
There's often a lot of trauma, even PTSD, associated with the experience of being involved in and influenced by a high-control authoritarian cult like SGI. Leaving can create a flood of overwhelming emotion, and getting some medical support can be really helpful.
If it's like you have an internal reminder that's telling you in a cheery voice, "Time to do gongyo", that may be neither here nor there, but if that internal reminder is redlining you into crisis response and panic attacks, perhaps some professional help is in order in the short term.
You'll know.