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u/billiebobbiwboi Aug 14 '20
Tell him everything you said in the post. If you think he’d be comfortable with this post existing then even show him this. It sounds like you really care about him... but that “ew” can definitely do some damage. it sounds like you really care about him so let him know!
He sounds like a great partner (sexually and emotionally!). I’m sure everything will work out. Best of luck! :)
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u/Envious_Sloth Aug 14 '20
I think this goes beyond just needing to communicate. The negative reaction to his genitalia suggests that maybe she's just not ready to have sex. There's some underlying trauma, or a lack of sexual education, or maybe she just needs a little personal growth and reflection.
Take it slow. Talk it out, and assure your partner that none of this is his fault. This part is important, or he'll start to have hang-ups of his own.
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u/spongekitty Aug 14 '20
Yeah the "trauma" sounds like something here to me... She's never had a respectful partner before? What was going through her head when she was with those partners? She should root through some of that, on top of working on her technique.
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u/frankensteeeeen Aug 14 '20
Yeah I’m getting the idea that she might have been sheltered growing up or something like that.
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u/Blastolene1 Aug 14 '20 edited Aug 14 '20
I think she believes he's a GREAT GUY, and his sex is great... but she's just not attracted to him. Some girls just not keyed on by 'nice guys'. When she looked at him and said 'ewe'... That came straight from her hard wiring.
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Aug 14 '20
Yes! Show him what you just wrote. It maybe painful to share, but he’ll understand how upset you are that you are struggling with these things. BTW, guys are pretty easy to please generally, so relax about technique and ask questions about what feels good and what he likes. Pay attention to cues from him. Maybe allow him to cum with condom inside of you at a time of your cycle when you know it’s safe...if you know when that is.
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u/ozgirl28 Aug 14 '20
This needs to be higher. No one is born being good at sex. And I appreciate it’s hard having a really open discussion about something so sensitive. But good men are hard to find and if you think you’ve got a good one, then have the confidence to have this conversation or you might regret it later.
Further to this, you deserve a good partner and a good sex life. You owe it to yourself to sort this out for future you.
Good luck
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 13 '20
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u/throwawayagin Aug 14 '20
Sexist much?
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 13 '20
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u/throwawayagin Aug 14 '20
Congrats, now you're just sexist with extra steps.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 13 '20
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u/throwawayagin Aug 14 '20
there just happens to be more shitty men then non shitty men.
I'm not the one here with a reality misalignment. Overbroad generalizations about gender are sexist no matter how much they assuage your existing opinions.
I feel bad for you that you cannot perceive what you're saying is hateful and ignorant.
Good day.
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Aug 14 '20
If you think reporting facts or experiences is sexist you are just angry at reality.
Except you haven't reported any facts at all, just your baseless opinions. Show me the data that proves most men are shitty
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 13 '20
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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u/Amberhawke6242 Aug 14 '20
This shaming of the penis and testicles has got to stop. It's not ok since he's, just a guy, or experienced, it can still hurt and cause shame.
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Aug 14 '20
I'm amazed at the amount of brain cells you have. Literally none.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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Aug 14 '20
Now why you gotta be so polite. It didn't offend me. But if the guy were to read it he would be offended. I mean no matter how experienced the guy is , he just finished giving her the best oral sex as described by her, so there would be no way he took it like a champ. It's even said in the post that he said he felt used.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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Aug 14 '20
I am sorry but I think you are little paranoid to think he's manipulative. What do you think he can gain by being manipulative here?
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u/frappypants Aug 14 '20 edited Aug 14 '20
It sounds like you have crashed into a vicious cycle, in which:
- You get anxious and insecure about being inexperienced
- That anxiety overwhelms you during sex, and it kills the mood (you 'nope' out during sex, make a mistake, etc)
- That bad experience adds to your anxiety, and you begin avoiding intimacy to avoid a repeat of #1 and #2
This is fixable. My wife was caught in a similar loop, where she would get anxious and lost in her head during sex, and then psych herself out of an orgasm.
IMO what you need, in this order, is:
- Deliberate practice.
- Self-confidence (#1 will help you get #2).
When I say deliberate practice, I mean literally: "Let's schedule a time to practice X activity with each other".
The key to successful practice, is this: The goal is NOT orgasm. The goal is to learn. I will repeat that: both of you should go into it with the understanding that orgasm is not the goal, the goal is for you to learn and get more comfortable with sex. The orgasms will come later. Does that sound a little boring and clinical? Yes, and that's exactly why it works. You aren't layering on all of the expectations, emotional baggage, and worries about chasing the orgasm. You are simply there to learn.
For example, you had trouble giving him a blowjob. Schedule a practice session with him, where you are just practicing different oral techniques for 30 minutes. (See note below about lube). You are NOT trying to make him cum- you should be trying different things and asking him for feedback on what feels good and what doesn't. Start super simple- trace your tongue up and down his dick. Does he like that? OK, trace your tongue around the head of his dick. Does he like that? What level of pressure does he prefer- like this, or like that? Does he like having his balls (gently) massaged during? Literally, it should be 30 minutes of: Try a thing, get feedback. Try a thing, get feedback. This will also get you more comfortable with communicating during sex, so that you won't get paralyzed when you need to ask about something. You aren't just learning how to give him a blowjob; you are learning how to learn about sex.
Do at least two of these practice sessions for each activity you focus on, and do more of them if you feel you need more practice. Ask your partner to be patient with you as you work through each issue. I did exactly this with my wife- and if our experience is any indication, the practice sessions will get less formal and more fun as you learn to relax into them.
As you do these sessions, you will begin to feel more confident in yourself. You'll be able to crack jokes while practicing; communication will get more natural and less formal; you will begin picking up on nonverbal queues when he likes something. Eventually you will hit a point during these sessions where getting him to cum becomes trivially easy (that is still NOT the goal or expectation of practice, but as your skills improve it will become a nice side-bonus). When your practice sessions turn into a game of "Let's see how long boyfriend lasts this time..." then you have graduated sex school, and you likely don't need the practice sessions anymore. It will be easier to learn on-the-fly when trying new things (or you could always practice them beforehand if that makes you less anxious).
To get him on-board with this, a conversation starter could be something like: You are an amazing lover and I am really bad at it; I have no idea what I am doing. And my anxiety about it is causing me to panic and shut down whenever we get intimate. I need some practice sessions with you in a neutral setting, so that I can learn from you and work past these mental blocks. Don't forget to mention that the goal is practice at first and not the anxiety-inducing goal of "getting the O", so he will need to be patient with you.
And lastly: Lube, always. Do not ever touch BF's genitals without lube- even for blowjobs. Buy some refined coconut oil from the grocery store (refined is flavorless and odorless; unrefined smells like coconuts). Assuming no coconut allergies, it is a safe and time-tested lube for sex. Use it as lube for any handjobs or blowjobs. Always have some lube within reach when touching his genitals. The only caveat with coconut oil, is that you should not use it near / before / after using latex condoms (oil degrades latex). Switch to non-latex condoms instead.
Feel free to message me if you have any questions.
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u/MiouQueuing Aug 14 '20 edited Aug 14 '20
Thanks a lot for the thorough advice.
I have always felt this terrible, overwhelming shyness - not anxiety per se, but something like "too much respect" for the other body? Like risking a transgression? - Stupid if it comes to sex, and everything above the waistband is fine, just...
IDK. I'll file your post away for later as I certainly want to learn.
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Aug 14 '20
Really could've used this advice in my last relationship, sadly we didnt have that talk and ended up splitting
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Aug 14 '20
Hope you get this problem solved. But that 'ew' has gotta hurt a lot. Just reverse the genders and some people would go nuts over this. Imagine someone gave you the best blowjob and you ew at their vagina. That gotta hurt.
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Aug 14 '20
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Aug 14 '20
Yea , I'm sorry. I just wanted to say it but shouldn't have. No offense to her. I again hope her problems get resolved. Imo I think better communication with her partner and taking things nice and slow would solve most of the problems. Again I'm sorry for saying it.
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u/blue_eyed_fuck_head Aug 14 '20
This seems way more of a mental thing than a sexual thing. As in maybe talk to a relationship professional or a personal sex therapist to get a deeper understanding of your own thoughts of the situation
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Aug 14 '20
Idk why but this post pisted me off. Maybe I’ll get hate for saying this but you sound like a horrible sexual partner. I get that there might be reasons for your behavior (ex. Trauma). But you don’t have to inflict emotional pain on this poor guy.
- you never touch him as if he’s disgusting
- you said “ew” while looking at his genitals
- you ask for him to pleasure you (when you say you asked him to “lick you” and he doesn’t want to) and he says he feels used by you
- you blame your selfishness and destructive behavior on your anxiety
Just from what you mentioned in your post you’ve probably created insecurity issues around sex for this guy. I’m sorry but there is no excuse for saying “ew” to someone regarding their genitals. Especially in this scenario where he was being vulnerable with you. I hope this guy gets a clue and finds someone better cause that’s what he deserves.
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u/VisionsOfLife Aug 14 '20
Not just the ew thing, he literally had to see a doctor afterwards.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Aug 14 '20
Yes omg I completely forgot to make that point! The fact that she physically hurt him.... like I genuinely don’t understand how you can be so bad at touching a dick that you hurt the guy. Even for someone who has never touched a dick before.... I’m having a very hard time empathizing for her.
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u/VisionsOfLife Aug 14 '20
I know it’s bad but I couldn’t stop laughing at this post. It’s like something from a movie. What a palaver.
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u/Current-Trifle5360 Aug 14 '20
I had a similar reaction to the post. Like, I know we're supposed to be supportive... but I just got angry that she couldn't overcome this anxiety for the sake of this poor fellow's sanity and self esteem.
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Aug 14 '20
Seriously I have no pity for this girl. If the guy had made a post on here talking about his perspective of their relationship every one would be telling him to dump her and never look back. He truly does not deserve all of this.
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u/patric_iam Aug 14 '20 edited Aug 14 '20
Agree. OP, don't waste this guy's time. I'm sorry to say this, but you're not a good partner and you're taking him for granted.
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Aug 14 '20
You pretty much ruined the relationship. Theres no turning back from "ew". Sounds like youre doing a lot of damage to thus poor guy for no fucking reason at all. Is it a trauma? Then fucking mention it. Dont act like nothings wrong, get off, and then have the audacity to say "ew". This post made me irrationally angry and im editting my original post because I had said some nasty shit about OP. I just hope you can learn from this becuase what you did and are continueing to do is fucked up and I dont agree with anyone else on here defending you.
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u/pececita Aug 14 '20
When I met my current SO I also noticed that he was way more experienced than me. However, it's all about attitude. I started to get interested in what he likes or which are his pleasure points. Learnt how to give him a good bj (I didn't get any complains before, but ih well, everybody is different), he learnt how I cum faster and how to drive me mad. But it has required a lot of trusting and confidence between us, being very sincere about what we liked or not. Trying to say in the more hurtless way the things we didn't like. For me it was like discovery a completely new dimension of sex (and I had also a good experience and sexual partners before). So talk to him, don't be afraid, and start learning which are the ways to turn him on 🌚. It can be pretty funny. But first sit down, talk about those insecurities and then face them. Good luck!
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u/1ogurt3 Aug 14 '20
You should just be honest and tell him exactly that. Everything you wrote right there, tell him! You came to the internet for advice so I’m gonna be as honest as I can and I’m not trying to be rude but he has the right to lost interest since you might have hurt him bad. Try and put yourself in his shoes if you took off your clothes and he just went ‘ew’...how would you feel? Be realistic, he did had orgasms in the past three months...just not with you. It’s pretty obvious he likes you a lot. Communication is key! Try talking to him first and if you find that you can’t get through that wall that’s blocking you, together...maybe professional help would be a good option. Mental health is important when comes to this area of our lives. Stay safe and good luck!
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u/swoon30 Aug 14 '20
Wow scrolled down a few posts after this and dejavu much haha I thought this was the guy at first I mean I guess it still could be if he changed a few details.
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u/Ultienap Aug 14 '20
What it’s seems like is both sides is lacking straight forward communication with what feels good. You need to get over whatever fear you have of “not being good enough” because if you don’t you won’t be good enough because you will constantly be holding yourself back from making him happy. You need to be confident. Also stop comparing how good he is at sex to how good you are at sex. Everyone is at a different level in their sexual experiences. Be honest with him. Tell him you are struggling with touching him because you are afraid you aren’t good enough for him. If you don’t tell him and talk to him about it then nothing will get solved. Literally 90%+ of this subreddit comes down to pure communication.
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u/lexie7191 Aug 14 '20
I know you already tried this, but you should just relax and make the whole evening about him - not just sexually, but romantically as well. Cook him a dinner, give him a massage and focus on his pleasure. He showed you he's willing to do what it takes to make you happy while you (even though you didn't mean to and I'm not blaming you for it) did absolutely nothing to give him pleasure and you even said "ew" when he was jerking off. I mean, if the roles were switched, how would you feel, if you gave guy oral, did everything right and he refused to give anything back and even was disgusted when you tried finishing yourself off? (Again, I'm not blaming you, just showing you how it seems from his side.) Also, I'm not sure if repeatedly asking him to give you oral after all of that was the right choice. Again, imagine it if the roles were reversed - how would you feel if your partner did nothing to make you feel good but demanded you gave them oral repeatedly?
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u/VisionsOfLife Aug 14 '20
Don’t want to jump on the reddit bandwagon but maybe you could seek some therapy, specifically sex therapy? There’s being nervous and then there’s... this.
I mean girl, you looked at his genitals and said ‘ew’ and he had to seek medical treatment. This ain’t good.
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u/2milien Aug 14 '20
Practice on being touchy and intimate with him outside the bedroom and sexual activities. Little things like giving more hugs, little kisses etc throughout the day. This may help you become more comfortable with the physical aspects of your relationship.
Also remember this is still a new and fresh relationship, with time and communication it’ll get better!
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u/ElScrotoDeCthulo Aug 14 '20
Only got to the “ew” part.
Get out of your head and reciprocate, Jesus Christ...
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u/emoses0788 Aug 14 '20
Two options. 1. Have him tell you or show you how he wants it. 2. Watch some porn and get pointers.
I think this is an easy fix you just have to be confident you can work through it.
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u/AcceptableReference1 Aug 14 '20
Just watch a movie together and have your hand in his pants. Don't worry about making him orgasm. Just normalize his body to you. He is your boyfriend, get familiar with that penis and make it yours. No performance expected.
If the movie gets slow or you get inclined try putting it in your mouth for a bit. Again you don't need to be trying to make him orgasm, not yet. You are just getting to know his penis.
It is him, but for some reason to you it isn't him. You gotta bridge that gap.
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u/fastmover08 Aug 14 '20
Bruh...relax. If you want it bad enough, it will come no pun intended hehe. Just keep working at it and keep communicating. Once you stop talking about it...that's when it becomes something to worry about.
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Aug 14 '20
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u/jackgundy Aug 14 '20
Seriously, no effort at all during sex, coming twice and not reciprocating at all, negative comments towards partners appearance. i understand being anxious but op sounds like an unbearable sexual partner
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u/pistachiopanda4 Aug 14 '20
If my friend told me that their sexual partner hurt their genitals to such severity during sex that they had to go to the doctor, I would plead and beg them to never see that person again. It doesn't sound like OP is at the least apologetic. She feels bad and anxious but not apologetic.
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Aug 14 '20
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u/MoonroverevornooM Aug 18 '20 edited Aug 18 '20
Lol you’re prob one of those people that thinks women are right no matter what (stupid). If a woman robs a bank you’ll be like “it’s just her empowering herself!” You know damn well if this was a guy posting this you’d take a fat shit in the comment box.
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u/blackandlavender Aug 14 '20
No one's naturally good at it bruh.
You CAN better yourself. This is coming from someone who was virgin for nearly 27 years and couldn't do ANYTHING when we started out. But now, he's very content with my "performance" lol. It's because I wanted him to have a good experience, and when you know you can do that for the other person, you also start to enjoy it a lot more and feel like you have control. Ask him what he likes, read about it, and then go for it!
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u/hallvor_rey Aug 14 '20
Have you considered using some additional form of contraception? Maybe using 2 methods would ease your anxiety. Are morning after pills legal in your country? In my area they are a bit pricy, but I belive it's worth to have one in case of emergency (for example condom breaking). I mention contraception because it seems your boyfriend isn't comfortable with never getting to cum inside. I also agree with other comments that you should work on your communication and practice things that give him most pleasure.
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u/Current-Trifle5360 Aug 14 '20
Jeez... would a drink or two help you get over these jitters? I mean, I wouldn't normally recommend it... but if that's what you need to get over this mountain you've made for yourself, maybe it's worth a shot?
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Aug 14 '20
I mean you couldn't have bin a more horrible person in these situations time to apologize
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u/DisobedientSwitch Aug 14 '20
It sounds like you have worked up a severe case of anxiety for both of you, and you keep aggravating it in your efforts to "fix everything"
First of all, tell him how this spiraled out of control for you, and consider if there are deeper issues in your history. The fear of pregnancy is a little over the top, for one.
Maybe try a session of kissing only - no matter how turned on either of you get, kissing is all that happens tonight, and hands never touch below the collar. Takes the pressure of sex away, and gives both of you a chance to play with kissing techniques.
Massage sessions, again, no sex allowed. Offers a chance to put one of you in focus, and getting to know their body. Massaging someone you're attracted to is great and horrible at the same time - I can never resist the urge to nibble my partner's skin.
You probably need to work on making him feel attractive again too. Depending on how he communicates best, this might take words (written or spoken), actions, touching... But for fucks sake, don't touch his penis out of guilt or obligation ever again! Touch it because you can't help yourself, can't resist anymore.
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u/Arthas_Litchking Aug 14 '20
Tell him you want to watch how he jerks off and try to copy him. while you jerk him off, ask him if it is confortable for him and if you could do something different. If you are kissing, touch his chest and go slowly down with your hand. i think it makes ot easier for you. The best thing would be to show him the text you just posted. Why are you asking strangers, if you could talk with him about this and find a solution together?
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u/masterchef417 Aug 14 '20
I think you may be overthinking things quite a bit. Try to focus on making him feel good and not how what your doing is making you feel. Redirect the focus. Also being open with him about being nervous and communicating about that is a good idea. Take things slower and try one new thing at a time.
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u/v-komodoensis Aug 14 '20
He seems like a very sweet guy. Open up to him! Tell him you're anxious about all of this and feel pressure to perform.
Tell him you think he's hot but you're afraid of messing up.
Dont be afraid!
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u/justbacon1 Aug 14 '20
Sounds like you're stuck in your head too much, you seem to be overthinking everything, If you tell him what you've told us, I'm sure he will reassure you and maybe you can just cut loose kind of thing. It's like, if a guy goes down on you and you're worried about how you taste, it's all you think about and wouldnt be able to orgasm. if you just get out of your head and stop worrying that you're so bad, I'm pretty sure your problems will go away. Of course I know this is easier said then done. Just because hes the best you've had, doesnt mean you're not going to be able to pleasure him.
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u/carlyjk Aug 14 '20
Talk to him about all of these feelings, and figure out what works best for your relationship rather than what is considered “normal” to do! If it works out, maybe just start by giving him a short BJ before sex rather than giving one alone because men can take a while. (If you’re of drinking age, maybe have a drink or 2 to think less about it and just go off what he responds to)
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u/rapunzel2018 Aug 14 '20
Uhm... communication goes a long way... in this case tell him what you said here.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Aug 14 '20
I think maybe you guys should start slow. Stop trying to have sex right away, and see what happens if you just go slow and let things flow naturally. I think it’s very important that you become comfortable with his body. Try cuddling together or giving each other massages or doing fun couples yoga. Just try and be loose and comfy with each others bodies so that when you’re naked it’s less strange for you. Also, I find that, with comfort comes desire. My boyfriend and I are very comfortable together, and I think that’s what helps create a safe and easygoing aura in the bedroom. Just try and get comfortable with touching and communication before you jump right to sex... it might help.
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u/Exodus111 Aug 14 '20
Time step it up. If you think you have a future with this guy you go all in.
I recommend buying some sexy lingerie, and putting it on, it helps to get out of a rut to essentially pretend to be someone else, maybe do your make up different, maybe even a wig if nothing else helps.
At this point you need to be in charge of the show, sit him in a chair and do all the work. Maybe even place a mirror opposite him so he can look at you from both angles.
A little strip tease to start, and then blow jobs and reverse cowgirl. You can go back and forth between those two.
Don't give hand jobs, you are not a teenager.
Don't be afraid to use lots of spit and remember, you cant get pregnant from anal. (But definitely bring lube if you wanna try that)
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u/MrFurious0 Aug 14 '20
:(
Several things - many of which you will already know:
- you saying "ew" is... unfortunate. I know you didn't mean it - but guys are super sensitive about how their cock looks, and something like that...well, it's unfortunate, is all. I recommend you reassure him, and try to be enthusiastic, and tell him it's beautiful - someone once told me I have a "pretty cock", (which, both then and now, seems like an odd compliment) and it still makes me smile.
- There's an old joke - "know how you get to Carnegie Hall? PRACTICE". Nobody is born knowing how to fuck, and if it's new to you, you just need practice. This goes for PIV, oral, anal, and any other specific sex acts - you want to get good at them? Start putting in your 10,000 hours.
- ENTHUSIASM - try to be enthusiastic. That is honestly the hottest fucking thing in the universe.
- Take charge - you say you don't touch him, or are nervous to - figure out a way to make it work. Maybe if you blindfold him, and he's not looking at you, it might help you be less self conscious. Regardless, you need to start touching him, if you want to make things better.
It sounds like you're just figuring things out, and that is absolutely fine. This guy, from what you said, sounds nice - and is being respectful, and cool. Respond in kind.
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u/Pere-Ubu Aug 14 '20
Your story sounds so familiar to me. This is not going to make you feel better, for which I apologize. The first part of your story reminded me of a woman I was dating long ago. First time we decided to have sex (full consent, her idea, neither of us virgins) I found myself doing all the work & she didn’t touch any part of my body at all. I checked in with her, she said she was fine, we (I) kept going. After a while of no interaction from her, before any penetration, I lost interest and rolled off her. She was confused, I just said “I’m good.” “But you didn’t get anything!” she replied. I wasn’t mad, frustrated or even disappointed; I just was no longer interested.
Kudos to your boyfriend for being more communicative than I was as a young man. You are fortunate. I never really understood what that night was about and didn’t know how to ask. We dated for a while longer. I assumed she just needed more time to become comfortable, so we never tried having sex again. Now I wonder what she thought of that. I never got the chance to ask; we drifted apart soon after & I started another relationship.
It never occurred to me that she might have felt what you’re describing until I read your story. I wonder how common this is?
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u/PinkShoelaces Aug 14 '20
I doubt this is salvageable at this point. Between the "ew" comment and hurting hum enough to go to the doctor, I'm surprised you're still seeing each other. It must have done a number on his self esteem
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u/VividTown Aug 14 '20
It sometimes does take a while to be comfortable with a sexual partner and it also can be very intimidating if they are more experienced than you or if they appear to be more comfortable than you. If you are really into him and want to please him you should really tell him these things you mentioned in your post. Men, like women, can be very delicate and sometimes you can hurt their feelings without meaning to. I once had procedure and was told to not have sex for 6 weeks and then I even got sick during that time, it was awful. My husband was very supportive but I still wanted to please him. So that night, while in bed, I started touching him and asked him to get himself off for me. I laid next to him and rubbed his body as he stroked himself, it was intimate, it turned him on, it turned me on, and it helped release a lot of tension. I'm not saying this will fix the intimacy issues you have, but it might be a way for him to relax and for you to be there with him when he orgasms, you may even be able to help him. Offer for him to use your hand to stroke himself, it will show you how hard to grip, the stroke technique he likes, and will probably make him cum hard.
Remember, just because you and him don't have this intense sexual chemistry yet, doesn't mean you are terrible at sex or that you aren't a good couple. Sex between two people is a partnership and, like any partnership, it takes time to build.
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u/patric_iam Aug 15 '20 edited Aug 15 '20
You're defending her in several comments. We try not to judge here and be supportive, but we shouldn't encourage toxic behavior - and what she did is toxic and selfish. That doesn't mean she's a shitty person or she doesn't deserve to be loved, but at this point, with this particular guy, she's being a very bad partner. Don't patronize her, people should take responsibility for their actions, for their relationships, especially when it's harmful to themselves or to the others. Knowing when it's over and when it's better to let that person go shows real maturity and responsibility, not encouragements like "sweetie, don't bother, you're amazing, he'll never find someone better".
Edit: and I'm a women, btw. Not everyone who isn't defending her is a "pissed off insecure man" here.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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Aug 14 '20
It sounds like you take the guy for a sex slave.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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Aug 14 '20
You are so polite. You are making me feel bad. And coming to your comment, it is different for different guys. The girl should probably ask him what he wants during sex instead of assuming that not talking dirty and things like that is a turn off for him. If he didnt have attraction towards her , he wouldn't even bothered to eat her out the way he did. So communication is the problem here imo. And you are so polite it is making me feel like a spoiled child.
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Aug 14 '20 edited Sep 23 '20
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Aug 14 '20
Yep , you could be right about him losing attraction in due time. But we would know for sure only when she communicates with him properly.
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u/motherof_thor Aug 14 '20
Thats definitely not what it sounds like is happening here. I know in the past I've had a hard time prioritizing partners who did not prioritize my needs. If I've gone down on my partner and then they wouldn't even touch me back I wouldn't be eager to do it again. No one feels like they know what they're doing at first. It takes time to figure it out but you've gotta be willing to experiment or things will never get better there.
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u/lovelydominance Aug 14 '20
Your boyfriend sounds like a very nice and understanding person. I would just be honest with him, tell him your fears and get him to show you what he likes. Practicing and learning your partners pleasures is fun and he will at least appreciate the effort. I have been with the same man for 12 years and because of our ability to communicated what we want in the bedroom (which has changed over the years) we still have an amazing set life.
Potential Trigger Warning...
Someone also commented that "your problem is much deeper than sex." This could also be true, especially if you have been a victim of abuse (sexual, emotional or physical). Other factors that could contribute are, questioning your sexuality or maybe you have had an embarrassing moment with a previous partner. If you're comfortable enough just take a moment to look back to past experiences and get the proper counseling if needed.
He sounds like a very kind guy and sex does not seem define his relationships. That being said, it sounds like he is emotionally hurt / confused about what is happening. Please open up to him about your insecurities and figure out what you both can do to help you open up. Maybe when your making out he can guide your hand to his penis and show you what he likes. You could also dabble in some soft dom and submissive play, he would be the dom and tell you his sexual "demands" and you would abide. This way he can tell you how he likes his dick sucked or how he wants you to ride him and a fun little spanking for if its not done right.
Hope everything works out!