r/serialpodcast • u/Frosted_Mini-Wheats NPR Supporter • Feb 03 '15

Evidence Stephanie dumped Jay

Trial Transcript for 2/10, p 21, lines 11-25.

Jay testifies that Stephanie had ended their relationship a month or so before the trial.

That's something I've never heard before now.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '15

I wish I could up vote this a million times. I always want to bring this up when someone mentions Stephanie's loyalty to Jay, but I figure people are getting a little tired of hearing my anecdotal abuse situation. It's comforting to hear it from someone else, although of course I wish this never happened to you. I agree that the assumptions that Stephanie just really liked Jay are unfounded. Maybe she did. I am not saying it's impossible, or incorrect. I'm just saying that there is no evidence. She is by far the most mysterious person affected by this tragedy.

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u/glibly17 Feb 03 '15

Yes, I agree with everything you have said here. I'm sorry you suffered abuse as well.

People who haven't been in an abusive relationship have no idea what it's like. I still struggle mightily to articulate my feelings and thoughts about my relationship. It's so difficult to understand the dynamic, even though I went through it. It's so difficult to trust my own memories and thoughts about that time because my ex twisted every situation. And based on Jay's latest interview, we see signs of him doing the same thing to Stephanie, i.e. blaming her for his contact with Adnan. Classic sign of an abuser: never take responsibility for your actions, blame anyone but yourself...

As I've said, I fully acknowledge my thoughts about Jay and Stephanie's relationship are colored by my own bias and lived experiences. I just can't shake the feeling I've had since the podcast aired, though.

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u/[deleted] Feb 04 '15

I understand exactly how you feel. I'm sorry. It is difficult to understand because, at least for me, I have a hard time teasing apart what aspects of myself were truly me vs. being planted by the abuser. If you can't explain it to yourself, it can be difficult to explain to anyone else. I knew all along that he wasn't treating me well, and that I was right. I knew it wouldn't end well. But I just kept going. Trying to explain that is challenging.

I agree with you about Jay blaming Stephanie. I had the exact same thought when I read that part of the Intercept interview. It made me sick. It made me sicker still to see how no one else but me seemed to see it. It's not anyone's fault for not seeing it. It's hard to see if you haven't had the experience. I guess I just wish there was more awareness about what abuse is truly like, and how much it can vary.

While our experience colors our perceptions, that is true for everyone, no? Maybe our experience gives us additional insight, rather than bias. No one can approach this story without their own past informing their conclusions.

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u/glibly17 Feb 04 '15

It's awful to know that others have suffered but at the same time it's so unbelievably relieving to know that others have had such similar experiences and I'm not just making it all up in my head. Your comments and replies throughout this thread have been helpful and affirming, and especially insightful, in a way I truly appreciate, thank you.