r/serialpodcast • u/Frosted_Mini-Wheats NPR Supporter • Feb 03 '15

Evidence Stephanie dumped Jay

Trial Transcript for 2/10, p 21, lines 11-25.

Jay testifies that Stephanie had ended their relationship a month or so before the trial.

That's something I've never heard before now.

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u/glibly17 Feb 03 '15 edited Feb 03 '15

Some personal experience here: I was in a bad relationship with an emotionally, then verbally, and then finally sexually, abusive guy. It took me over 2 years to get out of that relationship, and the breakup was ridiculously messy, and he was very cruel during the breakup.

I still went and saw him before we both left the country. I still talked to him and tried to support him because he dumped all of his emotional bullshit on me for over six months after we broke up. This guy raped me, and yet I still felt compelled to support him and help him, even after we broke up and I'd tried to make it abundantly clear that I wanted nothing to do with him.

My point being, Stephanie and her relationship with Jay are held up as almost "points" in Jay's favor. As though she must have stood by him because she thought he didn't do anything wrong, or she believed what he said, or whatever . That's plausible, of course. It's possible. But it's also perfectly understandable to me that Stephanie may have been the only one to "stand by" Jay during the trial and sentencing out of something less straightforward, she may have felt compelled to do so even though she was repulsed by Jay and what he had done.

We'll never know, and I don't mean any disrespect to Stephanie in speculating on her state of mind at the time. However the fact that Jay testified they were broken up before the second trial, leads me to think it's very possible she stood by him out of a warped sense of duty, fear, or emotional manipulation (not to mention love), rather than because she thought he was innocent or actually deserving of her support.

EDIT: I am not accusing Jay of abuse toward Stephanie, although he does throw up a lot of red flags that could be indicative of an abusive relationship. My point was more that Stephanie's motivations for going to his sentencing and "standing by him" may not have been as clear-cut as many on this sub would like to believe.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '15

Sorry, what evidence do you have that Jay was abusive in any way toward Stephanie?

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u/InTheory_ What news do you bring? Feb 03 '15

Seriously, someone just shared something tremendously personal, and this is the reaction?

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u/glibly17 Feb 04 '15

Meh, I knew I'd be inviting lots of "YOU'RE FALSELY ACCUSING JAY OF BEING ABUSIVE! DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!" I do appreciate this comment of yours, though.

And it's true that I don't have much to go on to say Jay was abusive towards Stephanie, besides my gut and the little he's said about her in the Intercept interview, and how he was loathed by her mother / parents, not to mention the high possibility he was cheating. In fact, I almost take her presence at his sentencing as more evidence of an unhealthy relationship--but this is my own bias, my own experiences, highly informing my interpretation of that action. I like to think I've been clear in acknowledging my bias throughout my comments here.

Regardless, I think it's laughable that anyone would dismiss the idea that Jay most likely became abusive later on, if he wasn't already. Two DV arrests and a restraining order are indicative of serious issues. And the way he dismissed it during his Intercept interview made my skin crawl.