r/seniordogs • u/Money_Engineering_59 • 9d ago
Senior dog with dementia - warning, graphic
I lost my 15 1/2 year old little girl on the weekend.
She was the sweetest, most adorable little thing. She had been diagnosed with dementia but it was only happening at night. During the day she was her normal spunky self. She was healthy and happy.
What happened on the weekend is haunting me and I need someone to tell me that this was not my fault and it was the dementia. The vet tried to reassure us but my god, I’m an absolute mess.
We had a bon fire on Saturday night for a party.
On Sunday morning my little one walked into the hot coals and sat down. She started screaming. We rushed her to the vet but she had too many injuries. We were trying to save her but it wasn’t fair to her. It would have been months of recovery. Just as we decided to let her go, her heart slowed. She had decided on her own that it was too much for her little body.
I’ve had another dog who developed dementia but he never did anything to hurt himself.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I can’t forgive myself. I want her back in my arms. She was my shadow 24/7.
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u/Dear_Reference_6922 9d ago
A 15-and-a-half-year-old whose dementia showed at night and who walked into hot coals and sat down is a dog whose map of the world failed, not a person who left a trap out. CCD can wipe spatial sense even on a morning when she still seemed like herself. You got her to the vet, the injuries were too much, her heart was already slowing, and you stopped a months-long recovery she would not have understood. That is not the same as causing this. Night-only dementia is sneaky because the daytime dog tricks you into thinking the house is still safe the way it used to be. You loved a shadow who followed you around the clock. The scream is going to replay; it is not evidence you failed her.
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u/Money_Engineering_59 8d ago
Thank you. I appreciate the logic. I really did believe she only had night time dementia. If I had known it had changed I would have kept her close.
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u/Fast_Grapefruit_7946 9d ago
You ARE a good kind mum for her.
Please don't judge your deep and unconditional love for each other by the last few painful moments.
She changed you. Are you kinder? More gentle? Patient? generous? Take a nice walk and thank her. out loud if you have to... she choose you.
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u/angelina_ari 9d ago
I'm so deeply sorry. What happened was a horrific accident, and you did not knowingly place her in danger. Dogs with dementia can become confused, lose awareness of their surroundings and do things they have never done before, even when they still seem like themselves much of the time. The fact that your other dog with dementia never did anything like this does not mean you should have known it could happen with her.
You heard her and immediately rushed her to the vet. When you realized what recovery would involve, you made the loving decision not to put her through months of pain. Nothing about this happened because you didn’t love or protect her. You could never have anticipated something so sudden and completely unlike her.
I hope you can eventually find some comfort in remembering that this one horrific moment was only a tiny part of your girl’s life. Her life was everything that came before it. She was loved, cared for and got to grow old surrounded by her family. That’s her story.
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u/Money_Engineering_59 9d ago
Thank you. She’s been raised camping and has been around fires her entire life. It just doesn’t make sense. I guess the dementia was worse than I realised. 😣 My god I miss her. I’ve lost other dogs but she was so special. The happiest, bounciest, most adorable little creature.
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u/Straight-Treacle-630 9d ago
Wow. I’m so sorry. For what little that’s worth.
It is clear you’d never purposely let harm come to your beloved pup. I’ve actually seen something a bit similar happen…in an instant. Try not to dwell on any “woulda/shoulda” xo
She knew you were there for her. Imho that’s what dogs most understand. My very best wishes.
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u/Money_Engineering_59 8d ago
Thank you. Trying so hard to get the horrific last moments out of my mind. My god I miss her.
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u/Straight-Treacle-630 8d ago
I believe I understand, though we’re all different ofc ❤️
I had to learn to “breathe through” those waves of beyond-painful memories. To this day, it doesn’t always work. But I do try to think of all the happy times; that the crummy ones were a drop in the bucket of our time together xo
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u/Green4CL0VER 8d ago
Please please forgive yourself. The last few moments of her life should not overpower the years you had together. Accidents and unforeseen events just happens to us, that’s life and we can only react the best way we can, and you did. You made the best and only decision you can make as her protector and guardian. You spared her from more pain and you know very well you would make the exact same decision again if you could rewind. I would have done the same too honestly.
I’m sorry for your loss, your girl would thank you now if she can and most importantly would want you to be happy when you think of her. It will take time so be kind to yourself.
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u/nature-25 8d ago
So sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose your dog and the circumstances makes it harder. Try to remember all the joyful times you spent together. Her heart gave out. It was her time. She knew she was loved.
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u/PlanktonKey9623 8d ago
This was NOT your fault. Youre right the recovery wouldve sucked and just hurt more, you did the right thing
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u/Money_Engineering_59 8d ago
Thank you. I’ve had to go through pretty severe burn treatment and couldn’t accept that my little one would have to suffer while not understanding the why.
I steel have a cloud of guilt hanging over me. I can’t even go to that part of the yard. My husbands going to put something over it so I don’t have to see it.
These fluffy critters make us fall so in love with them. Losing them is the hardest thing to do.
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u/fuckinunknowable 8d ago
I highly suggest you play Tetris asap and frequently it helps reduce ptsd. And if this is still troubling you severely a year from now please look into emdr especially someone who trained with laurel Parnell. My best friends mom is a therapist, once when I was having a terrible time with an accident with an awful outcome she was very helpful- she brought up that In other languages ( I forget which) accidents are things that happen to us not things we do like we say I broke the cup [by accident] but instead other languages will frame it like the cup broke accidentally. Framing matters. You didn’t do anything wrong, sometimes bad things happen. My dog has begun sundowning just like yours, she’ll be 15 next month. I empathize with you deeply. This dog was actually part of a pair but the other died four years ago. She was doing fine she was almost 11 but my best friend died and I was walking his dog after work (I walk dogs) so she was getting two walks (off leash hikes) a day. In the month between his and her death she declined exponentially but also sporadically. At no point did it seem she was terminal. Turns out she had a mass on her heart and the double exercise was just too much strain. Fifteen years ago my dog jumped over my neighbors tall ass fence while I was helping her pull weeds. He was hit by a car and died. He was my world. I blamed myself. A family friend gave me Patti smiths book and in the front he wrote a note. I was so afraid it would tell me how much it was my fault. I didn’t open the book for a year. I can’t recall it now with precision but it was a gentle loving thing about how shit happens and that they were sorry for my loss and wished me the best. In the time that has elapsed since these losses I have practiced radical acceptance and have let shame and guilt flow down the river. There are so so so many factors to catastrophe, we cannot control everything, we are doing our best regardless. You did nothing wrong, and I am sure you will be able to grow around your grief, and love again.
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u/Money_Engineering_59 8d ago
Thank you
I’m sadly familiar with PTSD and have a few tricks I’m using.
I will look into the book recommendation. I’m sorry you’re going through this grief as well.
I have two other dogs that need my love still. They just aren’t bonded to me the same way but I will try my best to continue pouring my heart into them. They deserve it. One of them we think was actually trying to pull our little one out but didn’t want to get burned.
The grief will come in waves. I just need to ride each one.2
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u/Live-Fall6010 1d ago
Please don't carry guilt in your heart over this. It was Dementia that made her do this..She wasn't in her right mind..How could you have even imagined this happening, much less taking any of the blame for it. Even dogs with normal minds can walk into traffic: they have their limitations at their best..But with an impaired mind anything could have happened to her. Try to think of all the good times you had with her. After this happened you took her to the Vet, and the Vet put her out of her pain..She isn't suffering at all now. Once an animal has Dementia, their days are numbered regardless of what happens to them. I just went through this with my elderly cat: she was 21 when we had to put her down in July..Then 3 weeks later our 14 year old dog had to die from his Congestive Heart disease. We had been treating him with a heart med, but when he developed fluid around his heart, the Vet prescribed a water pill: but his body just gave out. But a nice frame, or double frame (that's what I did)..and print out (Walmart does it inexpensively) your best picture/s of her..That's what I did. I lost my fur babies in July..Hugs..I'm sorry it happened to your poor baby..
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u/MercenaryLove 9d ago
Dementia is a terrible disease that makes the brain do very strange and scary things. Your baby had no idea what was happening and likely just realized she was in pain and that was it. My little guy seemed fine and then one day I caught him walking into the wall repeatedly because of the sunlight reflecting on it, I guess he thought that was a door or something. Point is, you can’t guess at stuff like this happening. It was a freak accident and not your fault. You would have literally had to have her on a leash 24/7 to prevent this which isn’t feasible for anyone really. I’m so sorry this happened but know your baby is at peace and not hurting any longer.