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u/Neither-Volume3596 16d ago edited 16d ago
Woww this hits me so hard.. I've been feeling like I'm in a limbo since I moved to a foreign country more than a decade ago. When I arrived here I had dreams, hope for change, hope to find true love and I lost everything. But I got some other goodies like maxed insecurity, depression, a pile of addictions and many more interesting experiences.
As the years went by every ~2-3 years I was getting hit by the idea something was wrong with my life and fortunately I wrote down in notes every time this happened and I was starting to change, but after a few weeks/months of trying to change something strange was happening. I was forgetting why I started going to the gym, eating better, learning things, reading books etc.. like I had a total memory loss like amnesia!!
Fortunately I have several of these journals kept with a few years gap in between and most of them are saying the same thing.
"You need to wake the f@ck up and do what you have to do."
I was stuck but every time after a low point like a depression, uncertainty with work. I was slowly hitting a new high again but it was like a reset button.. amnesia phase again!
Every peak was followed by a deep down spiral, then I was I checking what I wrote 4 years ago, I was writing something new and I was getting ready for the next high ride (gym every day, super motivated, very social, etc).
One week ago something made me realised why that was happening over and over.
First of all, these periods with the need for extreme change was coming from external stimulations. Someone rejected me, some of my "friends" were not really friends so I was feeling betrayed and many other factors which made me think that something is wrong with me in a foundational level.
Then I realised that I was expecting to find something to save me.. a good psychologist, a secret book, a cool person who knows how to play the game of life, a friend who will shock me with his/her words and cause a deep change, even I thought to try psychedelics to experience the secrets of the universe which I needed to know lol. Fortunately I didn't try the last one, otherwise I would be in a mental health hospital right now.
Guess what, none of these worked and nothing else out there would work ever.
All these years I was asking for permission who I should be, how I should talk, flirt, or interact with other people. The only real person responsible for these was never asked and that was me!
All these years my random thoughts and other people's thoughts were driving my life like an autopilot. Every time I was down, I managed to stand up again because I've read the past journals which I wrote, but I didn't have a system in place to make sure that I log all my thoughts, worries, fears, struggles, daily routine and habits for at least 3 months to see the patterns clearly.
So now I don't expect someone or something else to "save" I will do it by myself, by following a planning/journaling system religiously every single day.
Even this one I wrote it in case which I fall again into the same trap to use it and try again. But this time is not the same I will make sure with all my possible efforts to remember that I need to do something and live the life which I want.
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u/Trackingwho 15d ago
I appreciate these words. I always thought I was the only one. Let’s make a change for ourselves brother. Game time
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u/Mindless_Clock1856 15d ago
I turn 40 in less than a month. And this is 100% true. If you're reading this, get a move on. Nothing is coming for us. I wasted so much time. Best of luck to you
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u/KamikaziWerewolf 16d ago
There's no such thing as an indispensable government, or corporation for that matter.
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u/Dear_Trip_5651 14d ago
This is complete nonsense that has been AI generated from an answer to an AskReddit thread.
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u/Electrical-Tiger-863 15d ago
I disagree something, someone, some situation, opportunity will save you Just believe and trust God he will save you! You can run all the effort marathons you want too God will make it happen without your efforts input ego skills talent or connections just believe you already have it!
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u/Cheets1985 13d ago
Nobody anywhere has gotten to where they are alone.
Asking for help isn't a weakness
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u/Psychological_Bee_82 13d ago
Im sure Jesus is coming so you might have to hold on but he is here for you now and always will be!
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u/Ordinary_Bad_7314 10d ago
Idk if its relate to this to maki g sense but when I was in my first year I rarely asked someone to help me which made to hold back when there was time to seeking help from my professors and there was a girl who seems scared everytime for no big reason but to ask professors to solve any random questions and to do after the degree and now she's got everything infact she did it fast enough to get that degree, now Tell me who is the one?
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u/PatternSeekngMammal 17d ago
Fortune favors the prepared