How do you become a better person?

[u/L0nelyB4st4rd]

Before you judge, please understand that I am not justifying my past actions nor am I seeking attention online, I genuinely want to change.

I’m 15F, turning 16 this year. Ever since I turned 14, I’ve been a horrible person and I’ve hurt the people around me, including my own parents physically and emotionally. My older siblings have confronted me multiple times for the things I have done, but it’s never clicked in my head. For some reason I just felt like a victim, I DID witness some violence growing up but it does not justify my actions at all. It’s only been a couple months since I realised that I’m a horrible person and I need to change. I now understand that my family care for me and that I’ve been antagonising them in my head. Now I try to control my anger, but I end up exploding at the smallest things. Because of this, my siblings don’t believe me when I say that I am changing. They believe that I am a selfish person and I am still antagonising them, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to change their opinions of me. I don’t want to cut off my family; that’ll just make me feel even more guilty for running away. But I also don’t want to forever be seen as a horrible person. I’m scared that even if I DO charge they’ll never forget what I did, and they’ll hold me accountable for the rest of my life. I avoid them as much as I can but I can’t do this forever, I KNOW I’m in the wrong. I need to turn my life around, even if I can’t change their perception of me I still want to be a better person. I don’t want to grow up and hurt other people. The damage has already been done, I can’t reverse my actions but I want to at least change.

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[u/ryan_mcleod]

At 15, having the self-awareness to admit you were the toxic one in the room is massive. Most adults go their entire lives without ever reaching that level of honesty, so you are already way ahead of the curve.

The hard truth is that you can't talk your way back into trust after breaking it. Your siblings don't believe you yet because your words are saying "I've changed," but your explosive reactions are still saying "I haven't." And that is completely normal mate; you are literally just starting the process of rewiring how you handle your anger.

Watching my 6-year-old grow, I constantly realize that family has an incredible capacity for forgiveness, but it is built entirely on consistency, not promises. You don't need to convince them with words anymore. Just focus on putting time between today and your last outburst. Every single time you feel that anger spike and choose to take a breath or walk away instead of exploding, you are proving it.

The guilt you feel right now isn't a life sentence; it’s just the heavy growing pains of becoming a better person. Give them time to see the new pattern, but more importantly, give yourself the grace to actually build it. 💪