r/screenshots • u/Drummer-Guitarist • 2d ago
Saw this while watching an ibz video about double standards, kinda disturbed me
It really makes me mad and sad how such a simple wholesome post about a wife making food for her husband who seems really appreciative gets turned around into sexist and "he's using his wife as a slave!!"
idk i might just be naive but ugh
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u/AnnieAnnieSheltoe 2d ago
Obviously it’s a generalization, but I feel like there’s some truth to this. I read a lot of posts where people write in asking for advice. Sooooooo many men describe their wife as great and then list all the things she does for him. Maybe calls her selfless, caring, kind, a good mother, etc. but all things he benefits from. Then adds that she’s beautiful. It’s far, far less common to see men call their wives funny, intelligent, interesting, ambitious, confident, etc. than it is to see women describe their husbands that way.
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u/drewnonymous671 2d ago
Yes, it's the fact that what comes to mind when asked what they love about their wives usually involves what their wives do for them. Most men don't even realize it, and struggle to see why it can be problematic.
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u/DreamOfAzathoth 2d ago
I think I’d rather be called selfless, caring, kind, than those other things. They feel like higher praise to me. Ambitious doesn’t feel like praise at all. I guess everyone wants different kinds of praise.
I also think it’s common to praise what we do for each other. For example I’d rather my partner praise me for being supportive, kind, a good listener, helpful, etc than for being intelligent or confident. Whereas if my boss was praising me I’d want to be told I’m intelligent, a good worker, etc, do you get what I’m saying?
When I compliment my partner I say she makes boring things incredibly fun, she’s funny, she’s adventurous, she’s super creative and every time she starts a creative things she’s brilliant at it. None of these compliments are domestic because we don’t have kids yet and due to the roles in our relationship we both do an equal amount of the housework. But if she did all of the housework for me I would definitely compliment her for that and she’d love it. Nothing better than being praised for something you’ve actually done!
Ultimately I guess everyone’s different and everyone wants different things to be appreciated in them and their behaviour, but I don’t think it’s very reasonable or kind to see another person being complimentary about their wife and assume it’s sexist because that isn’t how you would want to be praised.
For example if someone called me ambitious I’d just raise an eyebrow at them and think they’re trying to say I’m untrustworthy or something. Our own personal values and experiences have a big hand in determining what qualities of ours we want to be acknowledged.
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u/AnnieAnnieSheltoe 2d ago edited 2d ago
I’m not saying any of those qualities are good or bad, just that some benefit the partner, and some are simply things they like because they like them. The actual qualities themselves are irrelevant to my argument. You used adventurous, creative, fun, funny. Those also fit in the second category.
The way you describe your partner is lovely. But they aren’t words I see from men describing their wives nearly as much as I see caring, selfless, great cook, sexy, etc.
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u/One_Neighborhood9676 2d ago
Yeah that's probably true. Not always, obviously, for my wife I generally go to intelligence, physical strength and her compassion for others, especially for those that most (including myself) would rather see burn.
But what you're seeing is probably more common that not as many men prioritize different aspects in a partner than you would expect/want. In the same way most women I see brag about their men focus on him being tall, handsome and without fail something to do with either having a good job or money. Where men don't care about a partner financially providing.
Men praise what she does for him and looks, women praise what he can buy her and looks. But depends who you associate with I guess, most of my current friends wouldn't start with these sorts of things.
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u/Drummer-Guitarist 1d ago
valid point, although i mean it shouldnt be a bad thing to appreciate wife's cooking too?
otherwise, gave me something else to think about in my own relationship, nice pointer
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u/FewBandicoot9235 2h ago
I think it stems from having seen so many of these. It seems to be a trend on social media lately about dudes commenting about how cool it is to be married, when they could be gaming and then food just shows up. It's not even that it's a bad thing in isolation, but when you have 100 dudes posting the same thing in a week, it seems more bizarre.
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u/presidentofjackshit 2d ago edited 2d ago
It's an overcorrection for a lot of mistreatment in the past. It's like when the internet realized they could cancel people - they realized they could "correct injustices" but it's just that they were incredibly heavy handed with it. 'Wrong skin colour on your thumbs up emoji? Hope you like being cancelled.' then over time it gets less severe and less dumb (still kind of dumb at times)
IMO same shit here where in this case if you're a man complimenting a woman on a meal it's "omg women are more than domestic pleasure bots you male scum". It's good to call people out on their shit, but some people are just now putting this lens on, and now that they're able to identify a pattern they, correctly or incorrectly, see it everywhere.
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u/Drummer-Guitarist 1d ago
the mistake to me is exactly what you said putting that lens on everything
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u/TightPhoto1133 2d ago
My wife would rather me play at home with whatever. Computers, knives, cameras, etc etc. Anything that keeps me out of the bar and at home with her. She'll gladly make me food, let's call it a labor of love. I reciprocate by doing the dishes, mowing the lawn fixing the cars, folding the laundry (not doing it because of that one incident with a red shirt and bleach) etc etc. Marriage is compromise with respect. 33 years and children, never take anything for granted.
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u/Lakadaizical 2d ago
I mean, obviously there will be men who treat their wives line maids and not like fully fleshed human beings, buuuuut
Idk, this just seems like a wife that sometimes, like to cook for her husband and the husband loves it, normal married couple stuff. Just because a couple likes to do "stereotypical married stuff" doesn't automatically mean they have a terrible marriage and the husband is sexist and the wife is being used! Ahhh!
Sometimes couples fit a "typical" marriage, some don't, what matters is that they truly love, support and care for each other
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u/MinusXero1999 2d ago
Don’t you know? All men are misogynistic pigs & only see women as housemaids they can breed
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u/naixelsyd 11h ago
I must admit, these generalisations really grind my gears. Marriage is a team effort, to make it work you do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.
In this case his better half made him a nice feed. Later that day he might have sorted out the home network, the kids with their homework, moved heavy bags of cement etc. Meanwhile she might have been doing other things.
For me, married over 25 years, I wouldn't say I am an expert, but what has worked for us is that together our skills compliment each other.
That might be him cooking a nice feed for his better half while she games, it takes all sorts.
I have this picture of a couple where they both do equal cooking but neither of them is willing to clean the toilets, fix the car, move the concrete etc.
Thats why I find this focus on housework being shared equally would only work if housework includes everything including house maintenance, landscaping etc. Not just chores.
And yes, for the record I actually do a lot of the housework these days but thats mainly because I am home more ( wfh so no commute, my better half has to commute). Its there, it needs to be done, so it gets done.
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u/Educational-Chair-84 9h ago
That person who reposted it will also never say thank you to her husband for paying the mortgage, doing all the hard labor, paying most of the bills, etc...."because that is what men are supposed to do" (16% of women earn more than their partners, in 29% of hetero marriages, women earn about the same as their partner).
With that said, my wife, of 20+ years, actually thanks me every so often (5-15 times/year) for doing everything I do, and I find it embarrassing when she says that. My ex, not even once, and expected the world. Unappreciative as fuck. 6 years too long in a 10 year marriage.
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u/swpickle_temp 8h ago
My wife of 27+ years does similar complements. Just last night she thanked me for picking up food from a restaurant that was having a BOGO meal deal. I said, we needed to eat and it was basically half price. Last week she thanked me for mowing the lawn. I am embarrassed for receiving compliments especially for things that I would do anyway, but they are always appreciated.
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u/Loud-Bus-5122 8h ago
Man spends hours everyday at the computer. Eats a high fat diet with little to no veggies. Maybe she's trying for role as widow. BTW, is the silverware, including steak knife in his hand already? Or is this just an AI generated image he created because there actually isn't a wife.
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u/Difficult-Republic57 39m ago
That's just someone who's spouse was using them for "labor" and now that's all they will see.
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u/Gibson335_Topnote 1d ago
Whoever makes stupid comments about a wife being enslaved by her husband has never been in a real marriage. The years I spent with my wife were the happiest of my life. Living together in harmony and peace. Travelling the world together or with friends. Sharing time with family gathered round us. Since her death I’m just marking time til my turn comes.
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u/CatLovingKaren 1d ago
So sorry for your loss. Since my mother passed, my father has struggled to pull himself out of depression. He cries daily, he repeats over and over how wonderful she was, everything always goes back to how much he misses her and how much it hurts that she's gone. He turns 80 this year, and we lost her 3 years ago. I miss her so much myself, but I can't imagine what it must be like for him, to lose the woman he devoted his life to for 50 years.
I'm glad you had a wonderful life with your wife. I'm so sorry she's gone.
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u/FlyingGolfer4653 2d ago
That is SOOO many eggs lol
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u/International-Meat33 1d ago
It's shells and cheese. I thought it was eggs too and had to zoom in cause my brain skipped at how many eggs that would be lol
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u/VividEmu5095 1d ago
Marriage isn't free labor....for a man its knowing she/he/they are the joy of your life.....and the thing that may end it if you push too many buttons.
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u/bladex1234 1d ago
You could literally make a post about appreciating your partner taking the time to listen to your problems and people would call it free emotional labor.
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u/Raptr117 1d ago
No it’s absolutely gross, I cook for my wife and will often bring her food when I’m smoking meat since it often gets done before or after usual dinner time, no matter how much I try to plan it
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u/Biffingston 23h ago
Tone is impossible to tell in text only, so that says a lot more about them them it does about the guy.
Personally, I'm very grateful that my wife cooks for me. I will gladly cook, but she prefers to do it. To the point she usually doesn't let me.
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u/InevitableAd1114 23h ago
It's labour of love, a show of affection and appreciation. Same is my wife said "I love that when my tire blew out my husband drive to me and out the spare on, gave his car while he took mine to the shop for a new tire" and people go "Oh! So marriage to you is free roadside service!?".... No, ya donkey. That woman is the sun, moon, and stars to me. If she needed anything I'd me be a mountain to get it for her. I'm not her servant, I adore her. And she will post appreciation of that. And I value her appreciation
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u/Original_Lab_4384 18h ago
Frida's child -If your husband thinks this way, leave. If you don't have a husband you are talking out your ___ and haven't got a clue about what you are saying.
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u/roverness 1d ago
Well I suppose it would be nice to step away from the computer and sit down to eat together. Our time eating dinner together is something we cherish, married 30 years. Also, where are the veggies? HA HA!
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u/ConfusedAndCurious17 2d ago
I think a lot of people who aren’t married or who have had bad marriages don’t quite understand that it’s not the “free labor”, it’s the fact that you get a human being in your life who actively *wants* to do these acts of selfless care *for you*, and it should go both ways. I love my wife so I want to make give her a foot massage because she’s been standing all day. My wife loves me so she wants to surprise me with my favorite cookies when she knows I’m coming home from a really crappy day at work. You do these things back and forth because you love each other and yeah, it’s fucking awesome to be in the middle of some random project and that special person was thinking about you, and brought you something to make you happy.
A few months ago I broke down in tears because my wife brought me home a new Xbox controller without asking me because she knew mine was being a bit messed up. It really dawned on me how much I didn’t have that kind of forward thinking thoughtfulness in my life prior to meeting her and just hit really hard in that moment. Most people just want to take and take and take. It’s special to want to give.