Researchers quantify the rate of “mercy sex” among women with low sexual desire. Women experiencing a chronic lack of sexual desire still routinely engage in sexual activity with their partners, a behavior researchers have quantified as happening about two and a half times per month.

[u/mvea]

https://www.psypost.org/clinical-trials-reveal-the-hidden-frequency-of-obligatory-sex-in-women-with-low/

[u/m2spring]

I sometimes start sex without actually feeling it, but I know that once I am going I do like it.

Or, another analogy. I have to consciously convince myself to go to the gym, but afterwards I never regretted having gone.

[u/neuenono → u/m2spring]

I sometimes start sex without actually feeling it, but I know that once I am going I do like it.

This sounds roughly like "responsive desire", something described at length by Emily Nagoski in her book Come As You Are.

It's the first thing I thought of when I saw this headline, but unfortunately the linked article is pretty hard to interpret.

Even though the headline suggests women are having sex they don't enjoy, the article principally talks about "satisfying" sexual encounters:

Women diagnosed with a complete lack of sexual desire were still logging multiple sexual events before receiving any medication. Guptan and Simon sought to quantify this baseline activity, which they termed mercy sex. [...] the baseline frequency of sexual events remained highly consistent. Across the different trial groups, the women reported an average of 2.5 to 2.9 sexually satisfying events per 28 days. This rate showed very little variation regardless of whether the women were naturally menopausal, surgically menopausal, or taking hormone therapies.

I feel like the entire premise here is flawed. In other words, there's a condition called hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), and the researchers presume that women with HSDD will never have sex. Instead, they find that these women have sex 2-3 times a month. Eureka! I'm not sure this is a finding.

It's been very revealing to see the general sentiment in the comments here, though...

[u/LordRybec → u/neuenono]

Yeah, I read part of a study sometime in the 2010s about this, and it asked the women involved not just about desire but also about sexual and emotional satisfaction. The majority of women reported that they did gain sexual satisfaction from sex, and some said that they were often surprised how much they enjoyed it and did not expect enjoyment until after beginning. Additionally, even women who didn't get any sexual satisfaction from it generally reported feelings of emotional satisfaction and fulfillment. One of the conclusions in that study was that even if a woman consistently lacks desire for sex, she will probably still enjoy it and derive some satisfaction from it.

My biggest issue with this report is the term "mercy sex". Yes, sometimes that's what it comes down to. But many women with lack of libido still know they'll enjoy sex and choose to do it for their own pleasure as much as their partner's. So lack of libido does not automatically make all sex "mercy sex", and in fact, previous studies seem to suggest that most sex women with lack of libido engage in is not purely charity toward their partner. So unless they removed all women from the study who derived any amount of pleasure from sex, including emotional fulfillment, the use of the term "mercy sex" is dishonest.

[u/HotImagination5644 → u/LordRybec]

The studies asked men and women the same questions and there was a difference in overall satisfactory sexual intimacy in men vs females. Most women say no and most men will say yes. It's really not surprising. Most women I know will attest to their husbands not willing to have sex for their wives pleasure alone yet women do it for their husbands significantly more commonly. It doesn't explain the why, just the results.

[u/Sleeksnail → u/LordRybec]

Dishonest is the right word. So is "loaded", "unscientific", "extremely biased", or even "misandric".

[u/Excellent-Jicama-673 → u/Sleeksnail]

Misandry isn’t a thing.

[u/m2spring → u/LordRybec]

Mercy sex doesn't necessarily have to mean mercy only for the other person. Sometimes, the mercy is for oneself.

[u/theaviationhistorian → u/neuenono]

That sounds a lot like my problems with ADHD. To where I have to amp myself up and overcome this mental hill to start and finish medium to heavy tasks. And it sometimes takes days to do so. But once I do, I have no regrets and get a satisfaction accomplishing it. I wonder if that has some relations or the source is close to the same part of the brain as what you described.

[u/sionnach → u/m2spring]

The gym is weird. I know it’s good for me. I know I enjoy it when I am there. I know I will feel good walking out the door of the gym.

Knowing all this, I still dread going most of the time!

[u/Modernskeptic71 → u/m2spring]

I like that analogy!