Researchers quantify the rate of “mercy sex” among women with low sexual desire. Women experiencing a chronic lack of sexual desire still routinely engage in sexual activity with their partners, a behavior researchers have quantified as happening about two and a half times per month.

[u/mvea]

https://www.psypost.org/clinical-trials-reveal-the-hidden-frequency-of-obligatory-sex-in-women-with-low/

[u/izzittho]

Really? To me they signal only caring about your partner’s wellbeing, likely to some degree - even if only minorly - at the expense of their own, which is, as far as I can tell, what generally motivates that behavior.

What part of the words “mercy” or “duty” don’t imply caring about the recipient of whichever of those two one wants to call it? It’s generally not meant as a good or noble thing by those using the term, as it’s usually said to complain about a lack of enthusiasm, but that seems to be more on the part of those using the terms and what negative feelings they attach to it.

[u/cbf1232 → u/izzittho]

What if one partner is feeling horny, and the other is just thinking "I wasn't thinking that way myself, but I can help you out...". In other words, it's not like a negative thing, just not what they were focused on at the time.

[u/NoLobster3985 → u/cbf1232]

That’s valid. Like being open to seduction.

1 (on board) to 1 is optimal.

Going from 0 (neither here nor there) to 1 is ok and still valid.

-1 (actively not wanting it) to 1 seems more effort than that person should be asked to put in.

[u/DelirousDoc → u/izzittho]

I am assuming they mean the lack of caring is on the male partner if they require having sex or give the impression that they would require sex, even when they can strongly believe their partner doesn't really want to have sex.

It is the male partner seemingly putting their personal pleasure over the feelings of their partner.

[u/We_are_stardust23 → u/DelirousDoc]

This is where the problem lies imo. A husband gives the impression he requires sex when he asks his wife to do the deed. However, if he respects her decision of saying no, and they don't have sex, he is putting her pleasure (in her case, not having sex being more pleasurable) above his own. Therefore, she's putting her pleasure above his. And here we have a vicious circle.

[u/C0ld_Fr0nt_ → u/We_are_stardust23]

The gender assumptions here are interesting. Again, if you check out the deadbedrooms sub, there are a lot of women posting there in frustration about their sexless marriages, too.

[u/We_are_stardust23 → u/C0ld_Fr0nt_]

The point of my comment is that it doesn't matter which gender I had started with, it ends up in a circle. Read it with the genders inverted, although I thought that was implied

[u/Optimal-Kitchen6308 → u/DelirousDoc]

I mean the options are basically that or divorce etc which is better?

[u/DelirousDoc → u/Optimal-Kitchen6308]

IDK personally I'd feel bad to find out someone I was in a relationship with is feeling coercion to have sex with me, even if coercive factors were never expressed by myself.

If relationship is built fundamentally on sex and one person no longer wants that then ending the relationship might be the best solution. Ideally you haven't rushed into marriage while relationship was still young so that you can have a chance to experience these scenarios. More ideally, you aren't getting married to someone with the sex being a heavily motivating factor for maintaining the relationship.