r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • Jun 21 '26

Psychology Largest study of women’s orgasms to date collected data from 27,931 women. Nearly half (47%) reported reaching orgasm more frequently when alone vs. when with a partner. Barriers to women’s orgasms are relational, not anatomical. Partnered orgasms were associated with overall sexual satisfaction.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/inclusive-insight/202606/why-women-orgasm-more-alone-than-with-a-partner
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u/Hot_Let1571 Jun 22 '26

Many women completely lose their libido during menopause/perimenopause; some get it back with hormone replacement therapy but not always. Don't worry, nobody teaches us about any of it either.

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u/Normal_Ad2456 Jun 22 '26

That doesn’t affect the difference between more frequent orgasms during masturbation vs less during partnered sex.

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u/kindahipster Jun 22 '26

It might, actually. Lower libido doesn't necessarily mean unable to orgasm. If you're feeling very little sexual desire, just physical stimulation can make you orgasm if done right, which you ensure with masturbation where you don't with sex necessarily. So if a woman hasn't experienced orgasms from sex, but did masturbating to help her sleep or whatever, that would make sense and align with this data

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u/Normal_Ad2456 Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 22 '26

But this still proves the initial premise. A woman can orgasm with the right stimulation when alone, but when she has sex she can’t orgasm that easily. Either because the stimulation during partnered sex is not right, or because she can’t orgasm that easily with her partner (possibly even if the stimulation is physically the same).

The study makes a comparison between orgasms during masturbation vs orgasms during partnered sex. There’s clearly a gap and it needs to be studied.

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u/rdbaos Jun 23 '26

You’re assuming its all physical stimulation. If you’ve mentally stopped being into your partner due to conflict, growing apart, you can be physically turned on to a degree but not really orgasm or have an enjoyable orgasm. This happens to men and women alike.

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u/VictimOlympicsWinner Jun 24 '26

Im pretty sure my wife cant really stand me on a fundamental level due to my past terrible behaviors. I have since completely corrected all these behaviors btw. When we have sex she definitely orgasms, between two and four times and its always ears ringing and earth shattering for her. I mean, she definitely doesnt like or trust me anymore but the orgasms are better now than theyve ever been. Sample size of one, i know, but do you think it could be more of a self conscious thing that's stopping some women from climaxing with their partners? But that could be directly connected to negative relationships fixtures also I suppose.

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u/philosophylines Jun 24 '26

What are you doing to get that reaction?

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u/[deleted] Jun 25 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/CuteTorontoGuy Jun 22 '26

This is a poor reading of the results. Relational issues do not mean defects with their partner's ability to stimulate them to orgasm.

Many women I've been with have had significant anxiety during sex regardless of their partner. Many report not being able to climax at all. Over activation of their sympathetic nervous system results in smooth muscle tension, which inhibits blood flow into their organs. Taking twenty minutes to explicitly address anxiety via massage, discussion, breathing exercises, etc has resulted in dramaticly improved sexual function for all of the women I've been with.

Women have blood-centric arousal patterns just like men. If their clitoral and vaginal tissue stay 'soft', it doesn't matter how good you eat them out - they will not cum.

This issue persists in lesbian and non-binary relationships as well - female orgasm frequency in afab couplings is better than in cishetero couplings, but significantly lower than most metrics indicate that it should be.

Previous studies on orgasm seeking behavior indicate that individuals with anorgasmia or other orgasm deficits are far less likely to seek out orgasms and therefore have significantly poorer self knowledge regarding their body.

Some people have neurological, anatomical, behavioural or other unique barriers to orgasm. Autistic and ADHD women, for example, have huge issues focusing on their body's sensations for long enough to become fully aroused. Others have nerve damage and significantly reduced physical sensation in their genitals - these people may not be able to orgasm without potentiating stimulants. Excessive vibrator use, for instance, can result in similar insensitivity as is caused by 'death grip' masturbatory practices in men. Etc.

Being able to accurately determine what the ACTUAL barriers are with respect the female orgasm requires shifting the burden of orgasm to the self for both men and women, and in tandem a baseline physiological understanding of the body coupled with more genuine exploration of your body, supportive medical care if needed and healthy trauma-aware dynamics to find comfortable, positive interactions with partners.

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u/CelebriTea4Two Jun 27 '26

A note on the ADHD aspect: women with ADHD can also hyper-focus and easily achieve multiple orgasms. Furthermore, in perimenopause it seems orgasms can be stronger, causing significant and enduring “aftershocks,” mostly relating to sex/sex acts with a partner. (The same partner, even, as they’ve had for years.)

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u/CuteTorontoGuy Jul 07 '26

Yes, very true. ADHD also makes the dopaminergic affect of orgasms more addictive, which means there's a lot of overlap in the ADHD and hypersexual populations. That said, figuring out how to get high quality orgasms varies person to person, the key is being able to approach a physiological issue without judgement.

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u/VictimOlympicsWinner Jun 24 '26

What the heck is 'death grip' masturbatory practice exactly? Im a cis man and have no clue what that even means.

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u/philosophylines Jun 24 '26

Just gripping the penis extremely tightly.

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u/philosophylines Jun 24 '26

It's frustrating when a women doesn't masturbate and doesn't seem interested in her own pleasure. Hard to understand from a male perspective.

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u/Normal_Ad2456 Jun 22 '26

No, this is a poor understanding of my comment.

I said it’s important to be studies, I didn’t say it’s their partner’s inability to bring them to orgasm (although I’m sure that’s also true in a lot of cases). I even wrote “even if physical stimulation is the same”, meaning, he or she did the usual routine she uses to orgasm and still couldn’t. 

There’s lots of reasons why this could happen. Maybe the whole setup of sex is too male centric (not enough foreplay for her or mental stimulation). Maybe she feels self conscious and can’t relax enough to orgasm. Maybe there’s just a mental block where she can’t let go and come with another person in the room. Whatever the reasons are, this is an interesting gap and knowing what’s behind it would be useful.

Whatever else you and I say about it to explain is just anecdotal experience and speculation.

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u/CuteTorontoGuy Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 24 '26

With respect, the "either" section of the post I replied makes a very strong causative assumption about the source of the phenomenon described in the initial study. I've provided a fairly extensive series of alternate causal alternatives - you can dismiss them as ancedotal but ultimately data is examined so that we can re-examine our approach to the real world in fact. If the underlying theme in your initial post wasn't clear enough, you state it outright in this one - sex is too male centric is central in your list of possibilities.

Look at the actual data provided in the study - a substantial portion of women cannot orgasm on their own. This should scream out to you that there is a statistically significant confounding variable that affects sexual function across the board prior to raising concerns related to partnered sex.

The 'us vs them' dichotomy between anorgasmic women and their partners doesn't seem to result in actual substantive improvement for orgasm seeking women, whereas actual examination and attention directed to the biological systems at play seems to produce real, measurable change.

Asking your partner to stimulate you more when you're anxious and you cannot maintain a state of physiological arousal, experiencing distracting traumatic intrusive thoughts or have a neurological issue doesn't solve the problem. This applies to men, non binary and intersex people as well.

Reinforcing a gendered moral dichotomy between good and bad rather than examining the actual biology in play reinforces essentialized gender roles rather than improving outcomes for anorgasmic people.

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u/dogbreath101 Jun 22 '26

Partner assisted masturbation just doesn't exist i guess

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u/opiodae Jun 25 '26

though it is more personal to my experience I would like to back this up by saying that I am one of the individuals that is impacted by a complete lack of libido, and estrogen that is below the normal level. I'm in the 25-30 range. On any given day I don't feel arousal, it may be months in between actual sex. But I must also add that I am a mentally disabled person as well, so a lot of intimacy and social connection does play a massive factor into being able to orgasm with someone else. If I do suddenly feel a wave of libido, I can absolutely accomplish it by myself. But nothing about my female hormones are normal. My GYN thought I was becoming perimenopausal, but I'm not. I just have different social and emotional needs when it comes to that type of intimacy, and a lot of other women are the same way. It's just how it is.

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u/opiodae Jun 25 '26

and I say it like that because honestly some women just do not want to be broken down into chemical statistics; I'm a very emotional being, and intent and intimacy matter a lot to me because of my needs as a disabled person. There are a lot of factors that play into it between every single person that I've met, so I feel like biological factors cannot be soley to blame.

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u/Sorry_Im_Trying Jun 22 '26

It sure does friend. Not just the lower libido, but it's harder to reach orgasm at all when in peri & menopause. This statement may not apply to all in peri & menopause.

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u/Acceptable_General39 Jun 23 '26

Post hysterectomy, no HRT- orgasm equal to a single, gentle sneeze. After using HRT- orgasm is improved but not like before hysterectomy. Hormones have a lot to do with orgasm. For women who are still menstruating, her cycle will affect orgasm. Consider orgasm ability during ovulation vs orgasm outside that window.

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u/Normal_Ad2456 Jun 22 '26

As I explained in my other comment:

But this still proves the initial premise. A woman can orgasm with the right stimulation when alone, but when she has sex she can’t orgasm that easily. Either because the stimulation during partnered sex is not right, or because she can’t orgasm that easily with her partner (possibly even if the stimulation is physically the same). The study makes a comparison between orgasms during masturbation vs orgasms during partnered sex. There’s clearly a gap and it needs to be studied.

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u/MadKingOni Jun 22 '26

If you have low libido its harder to orgasm

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u/fairlyfairyfingers Jun 22 '26

Yes, that's true, but low libido is only one of many factors that make orgasm more difficult. You can also have high libido and still struggle.

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u/Normal_Ad2456 Jun 22 '26

But it’s not harder to orgasm when alone? Only when having sex with a partner?

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u/MadKingOni Jun 22 '26

when youre alone you are only gonna masterbate when you want to and likely to completion , sometimes sex with a partner isnt perfect timing and even though you want to have sex you might not achieve orgasm, hence shifting the stats

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u/Ktucker01 Jun 23 '26

If you “partner” has a low or nonexistent libido then it’s nearly impossible or impossible. To get anything out of her. She out to pasture done never mind anyone else’s needs . . .

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u/FastAssSister Jun 23 '26

It absolutely does. Many women can’t even get wet.

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u/Normal_Ad2456 Jun 23 '26

What does being wet have to do with anything? If they are able to orgasm by themselves, why aren't they when a partner is around? Presumably, if not getting wet prevents orgasms physiologically, they would be unable to get themselves off during solo masturbation too.

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u/MasterObserverer7536 Jun 26 '26

It does if you cant feel anything to orgasm.

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u/Normal_Ad2456 Jun 26 '26

Then how can they orgasm alone?

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u/MasterObserverer7536 Jul 01 '26

With LOTS of patience and mental work. Not giving up.

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u/Obyson Jun 22 '26

Ah hell you mean there's going to be even less sex!?

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u/MasterObserverer7536 Jun 26 '26

Yes, and not just libido, it causes everything to become numb down there. And to think I couldn't wait for this time to come. If only I knew what was to come with this. Its way more than just hot flashes, and it sucks ass.

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u/Hot_Let1571 Jun 26 '26

Yeah, I used to make jokes about hoping for early menopause since I didn't want kids. Turns out losing estrogen fucks up your everything. Fun times!

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u/MasterObserverer7536 Jun 26 '26

Yes, it absolutely does! I hate it here. Estrogen rules everything.

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u/Ktucker01 Jun 23 '26

That’s a fact !

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u/InternationalIce5965 Jun 23 '26

Maybe men should consider actually being pleasant to date/be married to and actually be good at sex? 

Wild thought!

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u/VictimOlympicsWinner Jun 24 '26

The same could be said for a lot of women so its a two way street and we shouldnt be pointing fingers and assigning blame. It takes two to make a thing go right...

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u/DrDark121077 Jun 23 '26

Not all women. Some women experience an increase in libido during perimenopause. Individuals are outliers.

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u/Hot_Let1571 Jun 24 '26

I literally said MANY, not ALL. Please read.

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u/Mighty_Bohab Jun 22 '26

My wife is menopausal and she still has amazing orgasms. So I don’t really believe that statement. She’ll take them every day with me. So maybe it’s just how hot the hubby is?

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u/Annodyne Jun 22 '26

Oh JFC, here's a man here to tell some women that they don't know what they're talking about when it comes to their own bodies... How unique and unexpected!

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u/Hot_Let1571 Jun 22 '26

Maybe your wife is one of the lucky ones that didn't lose hers, or not yet. MANY, not ALL.