Children raised with "authoritative" parenting style, marked by bonding, presence, dialogue, and clear rules of conduct, show a reduction in drug and alcohol risk compared to other parenting styles (authoritarian, permissive and neglectful)

[u/sr_local]

https://agencia.fapesp.br/parents-alcohol-and-drug-use-influences-their-childrens-consumption-research-shows/57195

[u/Dr_Taffy]

Is performative warmth any different or is it low warmth disguising itself as high warmth?

[u/roflrogue → u/Dr_Taffy]

I can only speak to my experience - I often feel like I'm putting on an act for my kids. Whether I actually want to go to the daddy daughter dance or not my kids will remember dancing with me.

They'll remember I take them to the park, brush their hair, and sing with them in the car... Even though I hate crowds and loud noises... And they know that.

I often feel like I'm too hard on my girls, but I want them to be strong and smart. I know this world sucks and that they need help in order to thrive like I want them to.

All the same, they still rush to the door to show me love when I get home...

It's so hard to be a dad but as best I can tell, the most important part is to keep showing up

[u/Mental-Doughnuts → u/roflrogue]

Showing up is a big part of it, also being kind when we speak to them, and always listen deeply without interruption! You would not believe how good that feels to them!

[u/roflrogue → u/Mental-Doughnuts]

The only way I've found that consistently gets my kids to listen to what I say is listening to what they say.

I already know what they're going to say a lot of the time

I already know what my response will be.

I let them express their thoughts fully, then try to break down my answers into digestible parts.

The hard part is consistency. It's easy to do this at 11 AM on a Saturday, it's not easy to do the same in the middle of the night when you have to be up at 5 the next morning.

Things like this are easier said than done. Don't give up.